Episiotomy fear

If you’ve had tearing or an episiotomy please be real with me here, I’m a ftm absolutely terrified about tearing. Logically, I’d rather have the episiotomy than it tearing on its own so it can heal better, but the thought of them having to cut down there makes me want to cry and scream and crawl out of my skin😖
Did you feel the tear or cut when it happened? Was it painful or just like “oh shit yikes”? How much pain did you still feel during recovery?
I’m filling out the birth preference form my hospital gave me, but it doesn’t have anything on here about this. I’m thinking of writing that I give them permission to make the cut if they think it’s necessary, but if possible I don’t want to know about it until after the birth is over. Is that a reasonable request?
This is causing me so much anxiety, more than contractions or labor pain itself for some reason😅

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I had second degree tears and was fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

Natural tears are said to actually heal better than episiotomies. They don't (well shouldn't) use episiotomies to try and stop tearing from occurring, more as an intervention if baby needs help getting out

I didn’t feel the cut at the time maybe due to epidural, they said I needed to do it to get baby out as he was stuck and they said I was tearing. Like you I was totally against it, but they kept on pressuring me over and over. It was my first time giving birth so not sure how the healing process works for a normal tear, but I’m 7months postpartum and still get pain from the cut. My friend went through a similar thing and put her foot down with them & made it clear to her husband before giving birth, that he shouldn’t give in, so when it came to it and she refused they said they would have to do a emergency C-section instead.

Episiotomies give you a higher risk of 2nd and 3rd degree tearing because it will go towards the path of least resistance. Natural tearing is better. It heals faster and normally isnt as severe. You can aslo ask the Dr's to hold a warm wet cloth down there as you push to help prevent tearing. And! When you push, dont hold your breath. Slowly breathe out instead. Tearing is normal during the first baby because your body isnt sure what's happening. But recovery isnt as bad as everyone makes it seem.

I tore and it was totally fine. I did not feel it at all. Didn't even know until they told me they were stitching me up.
My team said tearing heals better than the episiotomy.

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