How do people make marriages work

Take your medication consistently or dont take it at all really.
Your husband sounds like an ass and that since he was unfaithful aswell either throw it back in his face or tell him to shut up about yours. He wanted to keep the marriage going but him continuing to give you shit doesnt really match up with his words

You were 17 and he is all you've ever known and I understand. It is super scary. But my mom started over 3 separate times, 3 kids and always making less than $10 an hour. Its SO hard but honestly in my eyes staying somewhere that youre unhappy sounds worse.. If you have ANY family at all that could help you transition that could be helpful and slightly easier. He will always bring it up sadly. You bruised his ego and he will just try to be more and more controlling until he completely sucks the happiness out of you.

You were both very young when you got married. Sounds like you gave it a good go - 10 years, plus counselling, but it is still making you feel like cr**. So really worth considering if it's worth it if that's how it's making you feel. No relationship is perfect, I know that just as well as any new mother (my relationship has been tried and tested many times since our lo arrived), but even when it's tough, I know deep in my heart that both me and my partner are trying our best. If yours is not (he doesn't want counselling, but prefers going to a preacher who supports him telling you not to talk to ANY men... is that his definition of trying, really?! Doesn't sound like a step in the right direction tbh), worth considering if he is likely to. So, if it was me, I would be asking myself this: do I really think he's trying to do better or is he just finding new and inventive ways of controlling me? Do I feel safe and loved in this relationship? Do I see this situation improving going forwards, all this considered?

Angela, this is not a healthy relationship nor a relationship that your kids should have as a role model.
You arent happy, your husband isnt happy, and id say that is definitely flowing to the children.

Your husband needs to grow up, man up, and realise that this life he has requires prioritising his wife and children.

I dont think having kids is a good enough reason to stay together and i dont think he will change.

Im sorry to say but he is gaslighting you, belittling you, and making you feel like a bad mum and partner. This is emotional abuse. It screams red flag to me as a precursor for physical abuse.

Would you want your daughter to be treated the same? If not, why is it acceptible for their mum?

A happier life awaits you all, separately. Please just keep in mind that the most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves her partner. Be careful about it.

Wishing you a happy future x

Tough love here Angela and just know it comes from a good place. I’ve seen your posts before. It’s the same thing every time for months. Venting to us is a good start but nothing is ever going to change. It’s time to leave this man. You can go to your mom’s. Go. “He won’t allow it.” He doesn’t have a choice. You get a protection order then. Then it’s on paper. Let him call social workers all he wants, you’ll have your paper trail he’s only doing it because he’s bitter. You start over, get a job, get him on child support and alimony, get on your feet and show those kids the right way. It’s not going to be easy, nothing ever is, but it will be so worth it. Trust me I’ve been there. Right where you are. You and those kids deserve better, you just got to want it enough for them and yourself to do it.

It sounds like you BOTH made a mistake in the past early on in your relationship when your brains were still developing. Needless you both need to stop, take a pause & both really think for 2 days.. (where do I see myself in 5 years?) Close your eyes & think.

In 5 years what do you imagine your kids are doing? Where do you see yourself? Where does he see himself? There was love at one point. Albeit fast young love.. but I'd try this & then remind him you both made a mistake. You did it to get back at him.. I've done similar to my husband & it's 10 years this October for us. We never physically cheated however. Only you & him can decide. Are you both too comfortable with 4 kids now ti leave? Or are you both going to need to stop fighting & love eachother no matter what?

I took me 11 years to realize no matter how hard I tried, my first marriage wasn’t going to work out. Reason was - I didn’t like who my husband was and who he was turning into. No matter what I did, nothing was going to change how I felt and thr lack of respect I had for him . The thought of spending my life with this person was suffocating

I’m now with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and the “hard” things are just easier to deal with

He sounds like a narcissist, you don't deserve that, He will never change without God in his life.

Help yourself be the woman you need to be.

Also just thinking, would the preacher be someone who would help you out of your situation? Or transport you to your mums. Your partner won't dare play up in front of the preacher

Do you have your own income that goes into your bank account.
Could you save up for a car