Where did I go wrong??

I’ve tried to do everything the best I can for my son, we’ve breastfed, co slept, never ever left him to cry, responded calmly 95% of the time, and have created a very peaceful calm household… but he has awful separation anxiety, when I try say no to the boob he goes ape shit, pulling and smacking, his sleep is and always has been pretty bad. And I just see other parents whose babies sleep through the night independently, fall asleep on their own, are happy to fall asleep for grandparents etc.

And here I am, a Slave and a capture to my son…

What did I do wrong? I’ve tried my best 😞

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

You have done nothing wrong at all!!! Every child is different and even if we all treated our kids the exact same as each other, theyd still be different! Weaning is hard and our infants are full of big emotions and theyre just trying to learn how to express them, its challenging but its normal x

This is totally normal! The more he loves and needs you, the more crazy he will go when you're not there or when you try and take away his comfort (breast).

He has no idea that it's difficult for you or the effect it has on you.

Babies who sleep through the night have probably been trained not to expect a response by being left to cry.

I don't think that's fair , some parents who are really loving with their babies are just really lucky with babies who sleep through, it's not that they are left to cry. That's an unkind generalisation and could leave some mums reading this feeling bad about themselves when they've done nothing wrong.and just got lucky.

Babies all go through séparation anxiety, you are doing nothing wrong, it's totally normal. It's a hard phase and exhausting for the main care giver (I feel the same and my girl is the same with me) but it gets better over time I hear! We just need to hang on in there but I really hope you get comfort from the fact that loads of mums are in the same boat ❤️ giving your baby a nurturing home is the best thing you can do but it won't stop the anxiety,.it's just a normal phase of development that will pass like any other xx

I feel like this often 🙌🏼🙌🏼 Breastfeed day and night for 17 months and still do, I am a stay at home mum, co sleep, literally feel as a slave to my own child as you said 😄🙈🙈 Barely any space to breathe. And baby girl is very clingy, maybe because of no nursery who knows. But I am not calm, I shout 75% of the time, have tantrums (yes me, not the baby) and I cannot say I am happy. So being calm, or the opposite as you see makes no difference. My child doesn't hurt us, maybe bec of the shouting who knows, but that's about it, I feel the same 🙈🙌🏼🙌🏼

in our community

Is this normal parent child bonding to you?

Overheard my husband and his brother discussing their next trip to forbidden planet… and he tells him he plans on bringing our 1 year old along. Now I don’t know a whole lot about it but from what he’s explained before it’s a fiction/ fantasy comic/ book/ toy store. He’s always said it’s packed and he is in there for ages. Not sure why they’d think that’s a fun thing for a 1 year old to be dragged to, as well as the fact that our child has never been exposed to any cartoons, screens, fiction books etc and won’t be any time soon. She would have no clue what she’s doing there and will get bored quick.
I’ve spoken to him before about pushing his interests onto our children, understandable when it’s sharing a toy or short book or pictures that seems normal, however I’ve had to address him in the past regarding purchasing silly items to only take a quick picture or video of child with it and share it with his family making out that our child is interested in or even sometimes obsessed with them just because she’s holding them and looking at it (what kid wouldn’t 🙄). He’s been doing this kinda thing since she was a baby, she’ll crawl and he’d record her crawling to one of his toys and plaster it on his family group about how much she likes the toy now… as if she had a choice in the matter when it’s purposely put in front of her while all other toys removed, y know? I know he thinks I’m being extra but I’m an educator, I value teaching children and babies to explore appropriately, fostering their interests and following their lead. I feel my husband just wants her to be dragged into such places or ideas so he can be performative, and from my observation he only bonds with his siblings over avengers, Pokémon etc etc because they were glued to the TV and YouTube as kids and still are. I feel strongly about exposing her to these things at such an early age but I don’t think he understands. I totally get wanting to share your interests with your child but I mean just because I love makeup, I’m not about to show my child tutorials and get her a kit. I want him to notice what she loves doing, and work with that. Not just what brings him pleasure. His style does not feel natural or appropriate to me.

Hey girlies ...

I'm going from a working mama to a stay at home Mama. And I feel like I'm not gonna be able to deal with it. How does you stay at home Mamas keep your sanity? Give me advice... I feel like I'm going to be bored like while the kids are at school and fall into depression. But I want to adapt... And put myself on schedule....hmmm give me some advice y'all 🤔🥹❤️ how do you cope ?

Would this make you worried gym daycare.

I was showing my 3 year old how to use the toilet at the daycare at my gym. We go in and I notice there’s also a door inside the single restroom on the other side. I figured it was a utility closet. As I’m walking around the gym I realize the daycares restroom is double acess. It’s also the toilet for employees that work the front desk on the other side.
Like wtf? How would they know if a small child walked out the the other door. And how do they prevent random weirdos from coming in the restroom when a small kid is in there because you know half those kids don’t use the locks. Absolutely insane design. So now I make both my kids go when I get there and showed them how to use the locks every time.

How do you handle finances as a part time worker and your spouse makes significantly more than you and holds it over your head?

So frustrating that I’m not allowed to spend money but he flippantly can whatever he wants. I am the default parent, and just because I don’t get a paycheck doesn’t mean it’s not work I deserve a reward from. I feel so alone.

How would you react ?

Today was my husband's day off and he woke up around 6 having coffee in bed and was on his phone. . At 7 a.m my little boy woke up and asked to go pee then at 7:30 asked to eat. I then took him and went downstairs to make breakfast and he got so frustrated and started an argument that on his day off he can't relax. I must say he was not sleeping, he was just staring at his phone and now he ignores my child and me.

inconsolable

my baby is inconsolable. he has a clean diaper, full belly, burped everything. he will not stop crying. we have tried everything. i feel like i could literally pull my hair out. like im to the point where im about to walk out the front door and not come back for a few hours. he will not stop. he still won’t sleep in his bassinet for more than 30 minutes so i couldn’t tell you the last time i got more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time. i feel so defeated and i dont know what to do at this point.