Am I being unreasonable for wanting my partner to hold our 1 month old with both hands?

Basically, what it says. I have a lot of anxiety about the baby being dropped. It's not that I think my husband is incapable, weak or too inexperienced. I've told him this, that babies can randomly wriggle out of your arms at any moment. I've been trying to work on this anxiety to not project, so I don't say anything while we're at home. When we're out and about, I get very anxious because instead of putting the baby in the carrier, he sometimes carries her with one arm and pushes the pram with the other hand. I try to say "two hands on the baby, let me push the pram", but he insists it's fine.

I feel like an uneven street slab, something slippery, someone bumping into you, the baby wriggling in an unexpected way, any of this could happen to anyone. I don't want to be annoying but I don't see why he won't just either leave her in the pram or put her in the carrier. He said doing things just to soothe my anxiety doesn't help anyone, and while I agree with that, I think it's a valid concern while we're out and about.

I think it's possible I've got some serious postpartum anxiety going on too, which obviously isn't his fault. I am already seeing a therapist because of PTSD and anxiety, so I'm waiting for my appointment to talk about this. I'm just wondering what your take on this is.

What do you think?

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CHILD MINDER HELP

Hi guys I'm thinking of getting a childminder for my 16 month old and I currently live in the Barnes area does anyone know any good local ones also if at all possible a Muslim childminder? Also What's your opinion between childminding and nurseries? He's currently in a nursery but I like the idea of him having one person he can grow to trust and learn from as with nurseries you have teachers switching throughout the day which feels may cause some attachment issues.

Am I being a bad mum??

So this weekend my family had loads of Easter fun planned but my 2 year old has got chicken pox. She's fine in herself, eating and drinking fine etc.

We cancelled plans because we don't want her to spread it.

Ive also had plans to go out locally this evening once kids are asleep for a few drinks with friends, but my husband is giving me a hard time saying im selfish for still wanting to go.

Ive had a rough few weeks and really been looking forward to letting my hair down, kid free for a few hours and now he is making me feel like a shit mum. Am I?

Am I wrong

So my husband has been gone since early march , my best friend and I have been on the phone night and day she’s been buying stuff for the baby . On her own accord I have not asked her to buy me anything she offers and I am very greatful for that .
Bc it is just me in the house and I don’t eat as much as I should the fridge is a little bare and while on a group call with her and my sister I showed how empty the fridge was all jokes and giggles .
So she’s like I’m gonna get you some groceries ‘ again I did not ask she offered , she had already been spending money on the baby so I’m being considerate and not putting to much in thee cart so I put a family sized frozen Alfredo , some chicken pot pies and a box of mini ritz crackers
She starts basically yelling at me about putting the crackers in the cart , so I go quiet I let her talk , instead of her stopping she continues to get loud and heated about the ritz crackers so she proceeds to say “someone need to teach you how to grocery shop “ basically belittling I tell her to just not get anything for me then my mom says “you better not embarrass me“ so I hang up I don’t allow people to continuously talk to me any type of way especially not my mother. She proceeds to text and call multiple times (the friend) and I don’t answer maybe 44 minutes later I message her thank her for the groceries and explain my issue to her and this is what she sends

He keeps being violent and getting worse…

Idk why but I keep going back thinking he’ll change but he won’t. I do it because we have a kid together and he’s been helping raise my daughter. But he just is getting worse and worse with his violent outbursts. And it’s messed up to even correlate his actions with anything but I feel as though he’s been cheating on me. And that it’s probably been for awhile. It doesn’t excuse his actions but I guess he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore so now he’s getting resentful of the fact that I stay despite how horribly I’m treated.

This morning I bought him breakfast from Cracker Barrel and he felt for whatever reason I had a bad attitude. I was only getting a little upset because he started throwing food at me out of nowhere. Like he either wanted me to get mad or upset to either start an argument where I’d cause him to blow up or just cause a situation where we’d break up.

But I didn’t so he just kept pushing my buttons, like telling me to walk out back through the door and walk back in to start the day over. And pretend like nothing else happened. Which I couldn’t because wtf he threw food at me and he’s ordering me around like a dog. But I just do as he says, and walk back through the gate and act like nothing happened. However he’s like pulling me to hug him from where he’s sitting. So I do hug him and then he wants a kiss so I give him a chin kiss.

Idk why but he pulls me down onto his lap, and I’m not really wanting to sit on his lap, so I guess I end up trying to get back up and off his lap. I feel off balanced, like he’s going to slam me on the ground (which is tile) and idk so I freak out, I’m telling him to let me go and he’s fighting against me trying to pull me back down onto him and I’m just scared because he’s like restraining me to him.

Somehow he lets me go but then he slaps me and starts cursing at me. Like how it’s all my fault, and then he throws the rest of the food and water at me. And he’s just ranting and raving about how I’m dumb and how he doesn’t want to look at my face anymore. And during this entire thing he’s telling me how ugly I look and that he used to be with me for my personality but now even that is ruined according to him.

So I’m scared because he has a history of being abusive and I feel trapped in the house with him. He’s yelling and he flips over the table and spills the rest of the food on the floor. I’m just scared that he’ll hurt me even worse and so I’m just trying to agree with everything he says so I can escape. Thankfully he walks to the back room and I manage to run out of the door fast enough to get in public so he can’t pull me back into the house. I go to my moms who thankfully lives next door. It sucks but ofc she doesn’t know the urgency of the situation so she takes forever to get to the door.

I just hate that he can’t control himself, and for whatever reason when I try to get out of his grip or hold if he has one on me, he gets angry and tries to restrain me there even more. Like he was trying to bend me in half and hurt me really badly. Like my bones were going to break.

I honestly think he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. That he wants to be with the other girl he’s talking to and he hates that I continue to stick around. And I also saw on TikTok that certain men cannot be nice to two women at once, and if he’s putting on a show of niceness for another woman he’ll be meaner and irritable because he can’t put up the act on two fronts. I’m not excusing his violence, but I’ve done something similar to get out of a relationship I didn’t want to be in. I wasn’t violent to the person or overly angry/bullying, I just told them something messed up, that I still had feelings for my ex in hopes of ending the relationship.

Ofc when the other party said they were done and ended the relationship, I freaked out, said I didn’t mean it and begged for another chance. The guy still left anyway, but now I’m thinking of it like this. He’s tryin g to force me to breakup with him, and even though you want to breakup with a person when it happens you’re still going to be like omg wtf did I do? And try to make things right with the other party.

I’m also just sad, because deep down I’m lonely and I don’t really have any family. He has loads of family and I’m jealous. He has tons of people on his side and I basically have my mom and aunt and somewhat my dad and that’s it. My brother is estranged from the family and my dad cut his own family off. And my grandmother died when I was young. My uncle lives in another state and the rest of my mom’s family is in Chicago.

I don’t make friends easily, and I’m avoidant in nature. So when I’m home alone I don’t feel the urge to hangout with other people. And this has resulted in me not having any friends at all. Or I have a few but I rarely hangout or talk with them. I hate that I’m this way because I still feel lonely despite being unable to connect with others. 😭

How do I stop being a bedroom parent? 😞

Please don't judge I wasn't always like this. Well I was before I had kids but after my first things were different. I don't feel safe in my living room. I don't like having the blinds open and people being able to see in. I don't like going in the kitchen because even tho I've been in my own house for more than 5 years I still feel like someone's going to come in and start complaining that I'm doing everything wrong or I'm "stealing". I hate making food in my kitchen. I can't cook (except the basics but tbh more than some people I know) but I can follow a recipe but I don't like being in my kitchen for any length of time. I've suffered severe anxiety and depression since I was about 12, after I had my first things were different I was just in my bubble with my baby I didn't care about any of those things anymore. I had a difficult pregnancy with my second and ended up with postpartum depression and anxiety. I breastfed for 6 months and room shared for 8 months, he's 10 months now and I just don't jn know how to fix this this time 😭. It's got to the point my partner has to do meals and tries to get us downstairs but I always just end up taking them back to their room. I don't ignore my kids I spend most of my time in their room with them but I don't want them to end up like me.

Parenting…

If your husband was happy to do bath & bedtime every night after work and also spend the most time with your kid/kids at the weekends to give you a break… how would you feel about it?