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Baby Daddy Drama

He keeps being violent and getting worse…

Idk why but I keep going back thinking he’ll change but he won’t. I do it because we have a kid together and he’s been helping raise my daughter. But he just is getting worse and worse with his violent outbursts. And it’s messed up to even correlate his actions with anything but I feel as though he’s been cheating on me. And that it’s probably been for awhile. It doesn’t excuse his actions but I guess he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore so now he’s getting resentful of the fact that I stay despite how horribly I’m treated.

This morning I bought him breakfast from Cracker Barrel and he felt for whatever reason I had a bad attitude. I was only getting a little upset because he started throwing food at me out of nowhere. Like he either wanted me to get mad or upset to either start an argument where I’d cause him to blow up or just cause a situation where we’d break up.

But I didn’t so he just kept pushing my buttons, like telling me to walk out back through the door and walk back in to start the day over. And pretend like nothing else happened. Which I couldn’t because wtf he threw food at me and he’s ordering me around like a dog. But I just do as he says, and walk back through the gate and act like nothing happened. However he’s like pulling me to hug him from where he’s sitting. So I do hug him and then he wants a kiss so I give him a chin kiss.

Idk why but he pulls me down onto his lap, and I’m not really wanting to sit on his lap, so I guess I end up trying to get back up and off his lap. I feel off balanced, like he’s going to slam me on the ground (which is tile) and idk so I freak out, I’m telling him to let me go and he’s fighting against me trying to pull me back down onto him and I’m just scared because he’s like restraining me to him.

Somehow he lets me go but then he slaps me and starts cursing at me. Like how it’s all my fault, and then he throws the rest of the food and water at me. And he’s just ranting and raving about how I’m dumb and how he doesn’t want to look at my face anymore. And during this entire thing he’s telling me how ugly I look and that he used to be with me for my personality but now even that is ruined according to him.

So I’m scared because he has a history of being abusive and I feel trapped in the house with him. He’s yelling and he flips over the table and spills the rest of the food on the floor. I’m just scared that he’ll hurt me even worse and so I’m just trying to agree with everything he says so I can escape. Thankfully he walks to the back room and I manage to run out of the door fast enough to get in public so he can’t pull me back into the house. I go to my moms who thankfully lives next door. It sucks but ofc she doesn’t know the urgency of the situation so she takes forever to get to the door.

I just hate that he can’t control himself, and for whatever reason when I try to get out of his grip or hold if he has one on me, he gets angry and tries to restrain me there even more. Like he was trying to bend me in half and hurt me really badly. Like my bones were going to break.

I honestly think he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. That he wants to be with the other girl he’s talking to and he hates that I continue to stick around. And I also saw on TikTok that certain men cannot be nice to two women at once, and if he’s putting on a show of niceness for another woman he’ll be meaner and irritable because he can’t put up the act on two fronts. I’m not excusing his violence, but I’ve done something similar to get out of a relationship I didn’t want to be in. I wasn’t violent to the person or overly angry/bullying, I just told them something messed up, that I still had feelings for my ex in hopes of ending the relationship.

Ofc when the other party said they were done and ended the relationship, I freaked out, said I didn’t mean it and begged for another chance. The guy still left anyway, but now I’m thinking of it like this. He’s tryin g to force me to breakup with him, and even though you want to breakup with a person when it happens you’re still going to be like omg wtf did I do? And try to make things right with the other party.

I’m also just sad, because deep down I’m lonely and I don’t really have any family. He has loads of family and I’m jealous. He has tons of people on his side and I basically have my mom and aunt and somewhat my dad and that’s it. My brother is estranged from the family and my dad cut his own family off. And my grandmother died when I was young. My uncle lives in another state and the rest of my mom’s family is in Chicago.

I don’t make friends easily, and I’m avoidant in nature. So when I’m home alone I don’t feel the urge to hangout with other people. And this has resulted in me not having any friends at all. Or I have a few but I rarely hangout or talk with them. I hate that I’m this way because I still feel lonely despite being unable to connect with others. 😭