Do you validate your toddlers feelings all the time?

The vast majority of the time sure however I’m not going to validate my toddlers “big feelings” when she’s throwing a fit because she wants cookies for breakfast lmao we don’t feed into tantrums in our house, they get ignored when they aren’t stimming from being overtired or sick.

What does it mean to you to validate their feelings? I think we encourage toddlers to name their feelings and accept them, but that doesn't mean we don't correct or redirect appropriately

Often no reasoning with a toddler
I ignore my 4yr olds tantrums a lot as they're total nonsense like when I've told her no and given a reason and she's still going
I don't feed into a tantrum and give them all my attention to do any gentle parent sweet talk to get them to stop. I either remove them from the place (if its public as its so embarrassing and noone wants a screaming child ruining stuff) or let them crack on with it

If you mean ignoring their feelings or dismissing them, I disagree with that. It isn't teaching them how to properly manage them and it is literally our jobs to do so.

I feel like what you actually mean is that their reaction should match the situation? They’re allowed to feel whatever feelings they want to. As are adults. We just can’t behave or react however we want to as a result of how we’re feeling.

I mean, imagine being annoyed about something and a family member told you your emotions didn’t match the situation. You’d probably be pretty upset about that, and rightfully so.

These feelings ARE real to them. They are really upset if they wanted a blue cup and not a red cup.

I’m not sure if “validating” is the right word. I put words to their feelings and provide support and co-regulation

Emotions cant be helped, reactions can. I will always validate how my kids feel, but that doesnt mean they can just do whatever they want because theyre mad (or whatever emotion). Feel what you feel, but you still need to respect those around you.

Using validate because thats literally what I read in a ton of posts

Validating their feelings doesn’t mean you excuse bad behaviour. I always tell my kids they are allowed to feel how ever they want but they aren’t allowed to act out because they feel that way. We have to teach our kids emotional regulation and not validating and redirecting them only teaches them how to suppress emotions. And for those of us who have sons THIS is extremely important.

WHOA. Their emotions should match the situation? Hard disagree. Hard.

Clicked agree by accident thinking it meant I agree you SHOULD validate their emotions.

Their emotions always do match the situation, your opinion on that is invalid.

No adult reacts the same way to any situation, it’s not up to you to dictate what’s valid and what isn’t

yeah idk, your feelings and emotions can absolutely lie to you and there are absolutely times when you should not be acting or feeling a certain way and need to just flat out get it together.

my little guy cries when he gets in trouble. i give him cuddles (he's only 14m) but do remind him of the rules. (he's very smart and learns what he is and isn't allowed to do pretty quickly).
so yeah, help thrm acknowledge their feelings, help them deal with them, but hold your boundaries. kids need stability and a balance of boundaries and closeness/love is what builds that

I usually say something like "you can be mad/sad that (insert thing that is making them have feelings) but you can hit/throw/scream" or sometime "i know it sucks not to get to watch tv but its bed time" . In my opinion validating their feelings while modeling proper behavior is how you get properly regulated adult in the long run.

If he is tantruming then I won't tell him to stop crying or that he's wrong for crying.

But i will just calmly repeat something along the lines of 'i can see you are upset but my answer will still continue to be no.

I v
Validate the feeling, if neccessary, but always hold the boundary.

The tantrum or sulk usually stops. He more sulks than tantrums . 3.5

I don't agree with telling them e.g not to cry . But I do agree with telling them to be behavr appropriately in differemt places e.g I would say 'excuse me, we do not shout in a shop, my answer is no'
Yesterday I cried because I smashed a cup. There's no reason to cry over a cup.

We all get overwhelmed over little things sometimes

I mean they are a toddler... How can their emotions match the situation when they are just learning and not understanding the situation? I rather validate their emotions then expect a robot out of a child or have them grow up to be emotionally void or hate you because you tried to tell them how they should feel.

Acknowledging, validating and allowing are all different things to me.

We have to teach them that all feelings are ok and help them to name their feelings.

Their actions which are an "over reaction" to the situation (like hitting, throwing etc) should be corrected and explained that their not acceptable.

I try to validate our 4y olds emotions/reactions, as much as I can. As much as they look “fitting”.

More to the point. I try and say “it’s okay to be angry. What’s not okay is hurting someone else because you’re angry”. and it’s like that for a lot of emotions.

Our 4y old is able to tell us when they feel sad, frustrated, angry, hurt, scared, etc.

But our 2.5y old? Totally different story even though we do try and explain things, maybe a little bit simpler, yet than our oldest. But by the middle seeing the oldest, I think we’re learning and teaching together.

I don’t tell the kids to stop crying. But what I do try and say is “mommy can’t hear what you’re saying through your tears. I really want to help you. When you’re calm, we can talk about this”. And while it doesn’t invalidate their crying, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I want them to know that I genuinely can’t understand them.

The way you've worded this suggests you believe that toddlers overreact. Which is true. They do. Everything is the end of the world to them. Cut that banana the wrong way? It's hell on earth. Armageddon.

This is how it feels to them, and that is valid. We don't decide how they "should" feel about anything. If your toddler freaks out because the banana is cut wrong, and you say "calm down, it's not that bad," you're teaching them that their feelings don't matter - and they take that into the real world. They learn that when they feel off about something, they should ignore or dismiss it because they're "probably overreacting." They learn not to tell anyone about their feelings at all. They become closed off. This is how you create avoidant children and adults. They just learn not to tell you anything about what they're feeling at all, and they often end up in unfulfilling adult relationships because they don't know how to express emotion or have been trained not to.

Depends on the situation if hes crying for no reason and just being a crybaby i wait for him and walk him through taking breaths then I explain to him and talk to him i DONT give in/coddle him. If hes sad and upset about something I feel is reasonable we will talk about it and I’ll help him with his big emotions haha recently Ive been using the analogy of our feelings are like a rollercoaster they go up and down throughout the day. It helps him understand that having big feelings is normal and that it’s up to him to learn to control them :)

The feeling is valid even if the reaction is “dramatic”. It’s our jobs as parents to help them identify the feelings and give them other options of working through said feeling that are more appropriate.

Yes. We always validate emotions. That doesn't mean we change our answer.

When they are calm, we talk about emotions and actions..

On the flip side. Our emotions as adults don’t always reflect the situation. We could be overstimulated but it comes out as anger.

Children physically don’t have emotional regulation and rely on us to label what they are feeling