Advice pleasee
If you had a csection and asked in-laws not to visit for first two weeks (because they live in a different country and would need to stay over), and your sister in laws turned up at your door uninvited TWO days after surgery, how would you react?
My husband hasn't spoken to me in 3 days because he thinks I'm over reacting. Three days of pp on my own.
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If I told them and my husband the plan not to come and they ignored it or attempted excuses I'd be pretty disappointed if they all ignored a simple request. I'm 3 days PP after vaginally birth and can't imagine doing it on my own let alone after a c-section. If I were in your shoes I'd try and speak to your husband and ask him how to get over this hiccup and your baby and your wellbeing are top priority xxx wishing you all the best x
I’d flip the cards and ask how he would feel if his daughter had given birth and this is how her partner was treating her 🙄 hope you’re okay xx
I’m sorry you’re going through this, my SIL came uninvited as well the day I was giving birth after my first child and it was the worst time every, she would criticise everything I did and I almost had a breakdown. You need to put yourself first and if your husband can’t understand that, well he is an idiot. X
So sorry you are going through this. Whether you are overreacting or not (I don’t think you are). I can’t believe your husband has wasted 3 precious days of one of the most intense times of your life having a strop about it.
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Please don’t judge me 😢
I’ve got a two year old girl who is my world, and I’m pregnant with baby #2 who I found out recently is a boy. I feel so, so terrible and guilty writing this but I want to get it off my chest. I’ve only ever grown up around women - I have a sister, a daughter, and I’m close to my mum. My husband isn’t that close to his sister and he’s close to his mum but not like I am. I really wanted to give my daughter a sister, to have the same bond hopefully I’ve got. I guess I just look at my husbands family and I worry that he will distance himself one day 😩 I know it’s so silly to think, but because I’ve never really grown up around boys (including cousins) I feel completely out of touch with being a “boy mom”. That being said, I’m so so grateful for the gift of having another baby join our family, a little boy who I’ll raise into a great young man. I guess I’m just looking to hear from people who might’ve felt the same or , who are close to their brothers 💛
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My family was displaced by a greedy slumlord + we’ve been navigating the situation for four months. My daughter is about to turn 6 months. I’m so exhausted + I break down daily.
It’s an incredibly long + egregious story, but the gist is that my boyfriend + I moved into a new rental house the week I gave birth do our sweet daughter (our previous landlord unexpectedly sold our house last min!). The house we chose was sort of a “level up” house if you will + was very cute, spacious, in a good neighborhood etc. That was April. In May things the weather became warmer + we realized most of the windows on the main level of the home do not open. It quickly became too warm to be comfortable + eventually too hot to be safe for our 2 month old. In June she showed signs of heat exposure and rushed her to the grocery store up the street to cool her with their AC. I sat in the indoor patio section crying wondering if I needed to take her to the ER.
We relocated from to the finished basement where it was cooler but the stairs going down there were scary steep. Eventually, towards the end of July I fell down the stairs and bruised soft tissue around my spine, ripped off a chunk of my big toe nail + both of my knees were damaged. The stairs were so shallow that I had to turn my feet outward while going down them in order to have enough footing. With all of the relaxin hormone still in my body, my ligaments weren’t able to support my kneecaps + as I continued going up and down the stairs over a dozen times a day my knees became extremely painful, started to buckle + made a cracking sound as I walked.
We found out the finished basement wasn’t to code in tons of ways nor permitted. The city deemed it “critically unsafe” and an unlawful dwelling. I am overwhelmed. I don’t get a chance to nest at our previous home because it was sold + we had just begun to settle in our new place + everything was placed back into boxes + into storage. My summer garden had just started blooming + the peace I had imagined of spending time in sitting in the garden with my baby girl was also ripped away. Our pediatrician wrote a letter demanding that property management relocate us due to the inspection violations and they didn’t. The daily indoor temps on the main level were 85-90 degrees / dangerously hot for an infant. We had to pay for packers, movers, storage, Airbnb all out of our own pocket and it put us in debt. For weeks we didn’t have a home and bounced around with our 3 month old + two dogs every 3-4 days.
During this time property mgmt and the landlord have harassed us in appalling ways. The landlord called our pediatrician and alleged I provided a fake letter. 😳 the situation has turned legal for obvious reasons and every day from morning til baby’s bedtime I’m talking to lawyers, tenant orgs, cost of living assistance programs etc. I’m more than exhausted + so sad / angry that months of bonding / nesting have been interrupted by my contact need to keep property management from doing illegal things. Moving at 9 month pregnant was a nightmare. Becoming injured + not being able to hold my baby 3 months later has destroyed me. I’ve stopped sleeping, going for walks, eating — for three weeks now I’ve had such a severe eczema flare I’m on oral steroids.
Who leases a drastically out of code home to a family with an infant? My partner and I haven’t been able to work with the daily task of calling around for rent + food resources while balancing caring for our baby + making sure we don’t get screwed legally or financially by them. We both had successful careers before the baby and took time to pause + learn the dance of our new family. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. I’m to the bone exhausted. They’ve tried to do two retaliatory evictions that are illegal.
We finally found a new home but most of our stuff is still in storage because we can’t afford movers to bring it to our new place. I was so sick throughout my pregnancy that my escape was essentially mood boarding things I wanted to buy my daughter as she hit various milestones. We don’t have a crib, or a high chair or developmental toys or much warmer clothing. I was hoping we’d get our money back soon, but it’s clear they are trying to starve us into taking a low offer for reimbursement just to get us to go away. I will not comprise what we deserve out of this situation, but I also don’t know how I’ll keep going. I’m stressed about money every day. Community resources are overwhelmed by the amount of need for help right now.
My daughter is so silly and playful and I spend most of my day on calls and cranking out desperate emails trying to get social services support. At this point, I have no idea how we’ll pay November rent or buy essentials like formula and dog food. I missed out on all the summer fun / trips I had planned because of this. The Halloween costume for her that I had been eying for months is not possible with our lack of funds. I feel like I’m not present for her and she’s getting a stressed mama that gives her a bottle to be quiet down so I can email more resources. I just want to take her to a pumpkin patch. My boyfriend and I are traumatized by losing our home and all of our money while trying to settle in with our little one.
I know it will get better soon but I’m so burnt out + can’t afford basic self care activities that used to keep me sane. I don’t know if anyone will read this, but I needed to vent somewhere. I haven’t had time for mom groups I joined or seeing friends because every day is fight or flight and I’m too tired. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. We’re getting closer to the other side of this but I’m running out of steam and resources while also grieving the lost bonding with my babe.
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Toddler doesn’t listen
My son is 2 years old and omg his behavior has gotten worse. People think I don’t discipline him but I do he just doesn’t listen to me. I tell him to clean up and he’ll play around and do one at a time or moves it slowly in the box or throw them. I put him in timeout and that doesn’t do anything. He’s jumping around acting crazy during bed time and we tell him relax and lay down and it goes right over him. Don’t get me wrong we’ve tried spanking in the butt not too hard trust me but he just laughs and says to spank him 😅 he was at his grandparents house and they told us he wasn’t listening and throwing dirt at his gma but she just laughed and said he’s a baby. I don’t know what to do anymore or if it’s a phase or is it screen time that’s doing this what could be it?? Honestly it’s not just me in my household and he has many people around him could it be that he doesn’t take me serious or too many people disciplining in different ways??
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Quiet
My partner,my youngest's dad, has been silent most of today and I have been stressed most of today because I feel like the silence is him talking to the woman he said he stopped talking to. He hasn't shown me so I can't say I fully believe him because he's lied 1 too many times. And I've told him I need to see for myself but he just gets quiet and I swear he thinks I'll just drop it if he changes the subject. I told him I need reassurance for him to show me but he acts like he doesn't hear me or if he does hear me he says I know with a soft tone but then does nothing. I'm legit so confused with him,he confuses me and my migraines are back to full capacity I feel like I never know if hes really for me or not...
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Partners on holiday
What would other mums reaction be to their partner/father of their child going on holiday when their baby 7 weeks old? I know I will be completely fine, capable of looking after our baby whilst he is gone and she will be happy as ever with me anyways but I can’t help but to think he is selfish for even thinking about it and not just waiting until the new year.
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Is it normal to feel this way?
We had our second gorgeous boy on the 6th of October and I’m really feeling like the ‘main parent’. I absolutely adore being a mum to my two and my partner is great. The only thing is that our 3 year old is very attached to me, especially in the night if he wakes. For example, he woke last night and my partner went to his room to see him and he screams for me. Obviously I hate to hear it so I go in and my partner is with our newborn. He doesn’t even try and say he will sort it and then complains that our 3 year old only wants me. He didn’t go to sleep in his bed and I was with him for over an hour. Meanwhile my partner was with our newborn struggling to get him to settle because he wanted breastmilk. So I went up with my toddler who slept in the bed with me. My partner took our newborn downstairs to sleep on the sofa/moses basket for baby. Again, he didn’t settle because he wanted me. I just feel like I can’t win! I wish my partner would just be able to soothe our toddler but he doesn’t try hard enough and I can’t tell him that! He blames it on the fact that I breastfed him until he was 2.5 🙄 not the fact that he doesn’t actually try and soothe him when he screams for me. Anyway, my partner currently had an hour to sleep in without any children while I brought both downstairs, settled the baby and got breakfast for our toddler. 😴 sorry long rant but, is anyone else with 2 feeling this way?!
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