Can I vent a little 🫣

I thought I had the best parents in the world growing up. Everyone was soo jealous of my relationship with them. I had the “cool and young” parents. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve really struggled. My parents are divorced. The divorce was not kind or easy on any of us. I was given a lot of information by both of them. I was an adult but it was still a lot. My dad isn’t consistent. We talk every few weeks. Sometimes he visits monthly and sometimes every four to six months. It’s rarely planned in advance with only a short notice. When he’s here he’s busy with his job, which I understand. But he often has to take calls and step out. His girlfriend is very different from me and my family and we disagree on a lot. My mom struggles with her mental health. She feels rejected by me. She thinks I am uncaring. I can’t give her the attention & care I was capable of when I was younger and single. It feels like I’m floating in this world without the solid foundation of my parents. I miss when I was younger and thought I had it all. Now I feel so profoundly alone in my grief over losing (or never having) other versions of my parents. Can anyone relate? Any advice? Thanks for being here 🩷

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Bless you, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I can relate to some parts, about your dad mostly. My mum and dad were together until I was 19 but my dad worked away a lot so I was bought up by my mum, nan and grandad. My dad used to do some WILD things also when I was a kid that at the time, myself and my siblings just thought he was super fun because we had no concept of safety. But then he got pups also hit us and be very volatile. My dad tried to take his own life multiple times when I was a child so we would see him go from being ecstatic happy and manic to being angry and hateful then in hospital. When my mum and dad split when I was 19 he tried to take his own life again, told me all sorts of lies about my mum, who was the most wonderful mum. When I had my son at 21 I realised how awful of a parent he was and stopped talking to him for 3 years. As I’ve gotten older I learnt to be compassionate as he was mentally ill, however, he still makes little to no effort with us. He lives

Sorry that’s so long. He lives 2 hours away and has come to see us twice in 18 months. My mum died 3 years ago and before she died she told me not to let him manipulate me and she was worried how he would have more power to emotionally abuse me and my siblings once she’s gone. He’s tried to do exactly that. My over powering feeling is “I can forgive, but I won’t forget” I don’t see him as a dad. I was fortunate to have my grandparents and my mum, when we grow up it’s like we’re on top of a mountain looking down at our childhood. It’s a strange feeling. Sending you love xxxx

I found out all the details I didn’t want to know and they are still together so…awkward. You have to understand they are adults with problems and you’re an adult with problems that’s what I had to come to terms with. I lean heavy on support with my daughter well not heavy the watch her 3 nights and not the night just one-two hours while I go to the gym if my husbands working he works 24 hour shifts . I try not to wrap myself up in their little drama bc I like to maintain my peace. Sounds selfish I know but I’m trying to hold my own family together.

Being a mom myself made me realize so many things that was a lie and sugar-coated in my childhood. That's not easy and I m also grieving

in our community

Have you ever shouted at your baby?

Feeling like a terrible mother because after trying to get my baby to nap for nearly 2 hours, I snapped and shouted at my baby. He's going through this awful nap fighting stage, and he will pull out his dummy and then scream like it's my fault. He's an absolute nightmare when he's overtired and I've and an awful couple of weeks already, so I'm just so frustrated. He's also got to the stage where he's hitting, scratching, and pulling my hair, so it's not great. I'm obviously very ashamed but I have little to no support and I'm so fucking tired.

2 under 2s

Been up all night with my newborn and then my toddler woke up at 6am… I’m completely overstimulated, exhausted, and honestly feeling really frustrated.

I’ve ended up shouting at my toddler all morning because he’s been so mischievous and I’m just too tired to handle it today, which is making me feel even worse.

My mother-in-law has taken my toddler so I can rest, which I know I need… but now I just feel rubbish and guilty for sending him. It’s like I can’t win — I’m desperate for a break, but when I get one I feel awful for not having my own child with me.

Does anyone else feel like this? The mum guilt is hitting hard today 💔

Screen time

My 4 month old loves to sit in his swing and watch tv. Mostly miss Rachel, curious George, or honestly what ever it is that I have playing (Dawsons creek lately). It gives me an opportunity to wash bottles or clean up while he’s occupied and I try to keep it at 20 minutes increments but sometimes I do feel bad for allowing it. At the end of the day as mothers I know we all do what works, but what keeps your infants entertained?

How do I approach this?

I am at a loss at how to address this problem with my partner without it turning into an argument between the both of us. We are a blended family. I co-parent with my ex-partner and he does with his ex-partner. My eldest 3 from my past relationship live with him and I. And we had a child together. The eldest 3 visit their biological father during the school holidays, so we get a week when it is just my partner, the youngest child and myself. My partner is always calm and relaxed when it is just the 3 of us but when the eldest 3 return, he becomes stressed out, prone to yelling constantly in frustration, telling them all off for minor things, like being slightly too loud and it’s becoming a mental drain for me as I have to pick-up the pieces and calm the kids down due to dysregulation. I had started noticing patterns of him treating ‘our’ child differently compared to the eldest 3 children when the youngest was born. It is something my family have pointed out many times as well. He insists that he loves them all equally but I just don’t see that as he keeps saying he wants to try for another child because he wants a daughter. One of the 4 kids is a girl, so technically, he does have one.

Would this irritate you?

My MIL came round for dinner last night. I was finishing off cooking and had prepared a plate for my toddler, to eat at the same time as us.
My son was completely fine, playing in the living room. My MIL came into the kitchen, said that my son is hungry, took the food, put him in his high chair and started feeding him. It was done in a cold way rather than asking if we'd like her to help or to start feeding him.

Comment from my partner

Am I being overly sensitive here?

I gave birth a week ago. I was just sitting on the sofa and asked me partner to take a photo of me with the baby, and smiled when he was taking the picture. As he took it he said "why are you making that face?" and laughed.

I immediately felt crushed and really upset and self conscious. I'm already a bit awkward and self conscious about my smile and now I feel like I must just look weird. Every time I try to take a photo smiling with my baby I feel like I'm going to be even more conscious of whether my face looks funny. He aaw I was crying and said sorry and he was only joking, but then said maybe he'd said it because he was frustrated that he wanted to go for a shower and felt like I was keeping him because I hadnt had breakfast yet (I'd told him to go for a shower several times, but he'd said he'd wait until I'd had breakfast and he'd hold the baby, which I hadnt done yet). I know it sounds silly and small, but after he said that it feels almost more like a spiteful comment rather than a joke. I feel so vulnerable right now just a week after giving birth and while trying to navigate having two under 2.5 and it just crushed me a little. I told him to just go and have his shower and now I'm just sitting here crying with the baby and feeling hideous.