Can I vent a little đź«Ł
I thought I had the best parents in the world growing up. Everyone was soo jealous of my relationship with them. I had the “cool and young” parents. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve really struggled. My parents are divorced. The divorce was not kind or easy on any of us. I was given a lot of information by both of them. I was an adult but it was still a lot. My dad isn’t consistent. We talk every few weeks. Sometimes he visits monthly and sometimes every four to six months. It’s rarely planned in advance with only a short notice. When he’s here he’s busy with his job, which I understand. But he often has to take calls and step out. His girlfriend is very different from me and my family and we disagree on a lot. My mom struggles with her mental health. She feels rejected by me. She thinks I am uncaring. I can’t give her the attention & care I was capable of when I was younger and single. It feels like I’m floating in this world without the solid foundation of my parents. I miss when I was younger and thought I had it all. Now I feel so profoundly alone in my grief over losing (or never having) other versions of my parents. Can anyone relate? Any advice? Thanks for being here 🩷
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Bless you, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I can relate to some parts, about your dad mostly. My mum and dad were together until I was 19 but my dad worked away a lot so I was bought up by my mum, nan and grandad. My dad used to do some WILD things also when I was a kid that at the time, myself and my siblings just thought he was super fun because we had no concept of safety. But then he got pups also hit us and be very volatile. My dad tried to take his own life multiple times when I was a child so we would see him go from being ecstatic happy and manic to being angry and hateful then in hospital. When my mum and dad split when I was 19 he tried to take his own life again, told me all sorts of lies about my mum, who was the most wonderful mum. When I had my son at 21 I realised how awful of a parent he was and stopped talking to him for 3 years. As I’ve gotten older I learnt to be compassionate as he was mentally ill, however, he still makes little to no effort with us. He lives
Sorry that’s so long. He lives 2 hours away and has come to see us twice in 18 months. My mum died 3 years ago and before she died she told me not to let him manipulate me and she was worried how he would have more power to emotionally abuse me and my siblings once she’s gone. He’s tried to do exactly that. My over powering feeling is “I can forgive, but I won’t forget” I don’t see him as a dad. I was fortunate to have my grandparents and my mum, when we grow up it’s like we’re on top of a mountain looking down at our childhood. It’s a strange feeling. Sending you love xxxx
Being a mom myself made me realize so many things that was a lie and sugar-coated in my childhood. That's not easy and I m also grieving
Relationships and the closeness with your parents change over time. I was really close with my parents as a child. Then as a pre-teen my Dad got cancer and my parents were understandably pretty distant due to his medical needs for almost a decade. I'm very close with my mom now, my dad and I are still pretty distant as we don't have anything in common anymore, but we still love each other. I think it's easier for me since my relationship hasn't been linear like yours, but you may find you end up closer to one or both of your parents later on in life.
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