Feel like a failure as a mom, it’s only been 5 days
Had my baby via C-section on 9 April. Because she was a C-section baby, she had fluid in her lungs after birth that she couldn’t get out so she was transferred to neonatal unit. I feel like that was my fault because I chose to have an elective section.
Jump forward 5 days. I still have no milk supply despite double pumping like 4x per day. My baby is off the ventilator, but there’s talk of putting her back on because she’s not at a high enough saturation level (92% instead of 94+). She’s also not independently eating because she refuses to wake up and either put my boob in her mouth or take a bottle, so they’re tube-feeding her.
Now, she’s my first. I want to hold her all the time because she’s my first and because I want skin to skin and because skin to skin is supposed to help my milk supply (except right now I just feel like a fucking cow). My husband had skin to skin with her last night when her oxygen was low but when I took her, her oxygen level went right back to where it should be (96-100). So I come in when I’m awake and available and pick her up to hold her for those reasons. Then around meal time, I undress her to try and get her to wake up a bit. All these things make sense right?
Well, the midwife basically told my husband while I was sitting there asleep and attached to the pump that I shouldn’t hold her as much and that skin to skin is important but like, so is keeping her warm. And I’ve checked her temp. She’s hot when I take her blankets off and I put a blanket on when she’s cold and my husband even agreed with me today she was warm.
I just feel awful because I feel like I can’t do anything right. If we were at home, it would be just me and him and everything would be fine. But I’m so scrutinised here. I just feel like such a failure.
Thanks for reading.
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Hi, Firstly congratulations on your beautiful baby.
I know as humans and especially empathetic ones we will always look at a situation with different perspective or blame ourselves.
I would focus on now that she’s here how can you make those things better and work on those little hiccups you’re having.
To give you an idea I delivered my baby Christmas gone 8 weeks early and my baby was taken to NICU.
I’ll say one thing she’s in the best care and the right place for where she needs to be.
Secondly I’ll agree with you and your husband that you do need skin to skin with her that is going to cause no harm if anything only good! I’ll speak to a different nurse or nurse incharge even if it’s needed.
Assuming she’s a term baby she should be able to regulate her temperature much better than babies who come out early, One suggestion my nurse gave me when my baby was in NiCu 3 months ago that look at your babies picture when you trying to express for oxytocin hormone to work.
Stress would affect your milk supply it did for me , but when you put that stress away in a box and just focus on your baby wellbeing and you , Shall help.
If you haven’t had no colostrum anything out , I’ll suggest hand expressing first over pumping, even if you get a 1ml syringe it’s a big win in the start! Something is better than nothing.
I hope this goes all well for you good luck!
If you want to just have a chat during this as I’ve been a NICU mumma too, Feel free to text me in my personal message box.
Take care
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