Leaving my baby with MIL
My partners Mum is desperate to have our 5 week old baby, but I just don't feel comfortable with it!
MIL makes no effort with me whatsoever. Her other grandchild had chickenpox, so we told MIL we was happy for her to continue seeing us on the condition she gave the other grandchild a wide berth. She decided not to and carried on contact, so naturally we took a step back and stayed away. My partner had several narky remarks off of her during this period, such as "I'm not really his Nonar am I, I'm not allowed to see him" or "He'll be 18 by the time I'm allowed to have him". So I caved to the pressure and allowed her to see us.
As soon as I reluctantly passed her my baby, she announced "Oh I've felt ever so poorly all week".. Why would she tell me that after letting me pass her my baby, knowing how worried I am already & why would she risk passing something to my baby? My partner said to think nothing of it and she will of been fine, she just likes to have a moan about something.
A few days later, I agreed a days work (I'm self employed with a salon still operating). MIL insisted she had our baby after not yet being asked to have him. I reluctantly agreed, but said under no circumstances did I want the other Grandchild in contact still. She replied saying he was fine now and not to worry, but I stood my ground and said I'd rather wait just a few more days to be clear.
Fast forward to the day I leave our baby with her, low & behold, I check the cameras (I couldn't get hold of my partner so just wondered if he was home) & low & behold, MIL there with BOTH my baby, and poorly grandchild. Behind my back.
I was in tears all day. Any trust I had is gone. It caused so much friction between me & my partner, as naturally I'm livid & he doesn't want me to be cross with his Mum.
Since then, my partner explained to his Mum how upset I was, and that the boundaries were there for a reason & not to be crossed. I've not since heard a dickie bird from her. No apology, nothing.
Whenever she phones my partner, she continues with the sh*tty digs again. "She doesn't want me to see MY grandchild" etc etc.
All I want is for my boundaries to be respected to keep my baby safe. Am I being neurotic? She's now applying pressure to my partner again to have our baby & I just can't bring myself to allow it.
I've really tried to create a bond between me & MIL but it just seems impossible. I've suggested lunch out in the past (never got a reply). I made such a fuss on Mothers Day on my partners behalf & also got her gifts and cards from our baby. It all just gets over looked. I feel like she doesn't like me as a person & this is why she doesn't respect my decisions.
Any advice on how to combat this?
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Girl stop trying so hard for this woman who doesn’t respect you. Just tell her no and then stop communicating off she still doesn’t get it.
Oof… I’m really sorry you’re going through that. You’re a good mom, and you know your child better than anyone. Your instincts matter, and it sounds like your boundaries have been crossed more than once. Anyone would feel anxious in that situation, especially when you’re trying to work and keep your little one safe.
If the budget allows, a daycare with cameras or a nanny could give you more peace of mind. If not, she may keep pushing, and that’s not a reflection of your parenting — it’s a reflection of her not respecting limits. Some people even go no contact over repeated boundary issues. Others do limited contact and make sure a parent is always present so nothing gets crossed again.
You’re doing the right thing by trusting your gut. You’re not overreacting. You’re protecting your child, and that’s exactly what a good mom does. I really hope things get easier for you and your little one.
Me personally, no one sees my kid without me or my husband until theyre at least 6 months old
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