I don’t like my toddler.

I just want to say I’ve been through this and it was so horrible. I totally understand how you feel. I was lucky and my little boys behaviour was linked massively to issues at nursery and once we sorted them out it seemed to improve at home.
You are not alone and I really hope it doesn’t last long for you 😢

Yeah I've not hit my son ever but he scratches, and hits me with stuff. He's also said he going to kill me 😞 and I don't know where he's got that idea

It sounds as if she’s bottling up a lot of emotions and not knowing the best way to express them? It might be worth talking to preschool to find out if she’s struggling in any areas? Or you could ask her to draw/paint her feelings?

You’re also well within your rights to remove yourself from a situation when she’s being physically abusive towards you - being clear and saying something like “mummy is leaving the room now because she doesn’t like to be hit” in a calm (easier said than done) voice might help?

Sending love x

I too have an abusive toddler 😕

Also, don’t feel bad for not liking your child when they’re like this, it’d be weird if you did.

How long has she been in pre-school? My first thought is she misses you when at school.

How/what is her relationship with dad like?

Is she mostly with you at home? Is it most attention and engagement from you?

With you on the toddler phase NOT being my fave and sometimes feeling like someone replaced my sweet little boy with a feral monster who doesn't listen and doesn't stop talking. We are not to the extent that you've shared, but we try to work on things he CAN do. "Oh man you seem really frustrated. You can't hit people when you feel that way but you can stomp your feet/clap your hands/hit the couch/etc." Really trying to drive home that it's fine to feel whatever he is and giving him options of how he can express that instead of just saying all the things he can't do. I'm so sorry it's been so rough though.

Do you have one on one time with her? Does she get praise for good behaviour.... because if the only reaction she gets from you is when she lashes out she'll keep doing it. I say this because my OH is the same with our son, he will criticize but won't praise and wonders why he gets hit/shouted at
Walk away, shut yourself in the bathroom, you say firmly "you will not touch mummy with your angry hands"
If you have marks from her, show her, show her what her anger has done to you and that it is not acceptable.

If you feel you need support reach out to your HV, they have some wonderful ideas and techniques to try.

Your beautiful little girl is still there, she's just finding all these new emotions that she's struggling with

Toddler knows how to hit. That doesn't absolutely mean that you showed her how. That's weird reaction from the other moms honestly. May she be looking for attention? Is she verbal? If she is not she might feel not understood and react out of it. Or maybe she needs more time and positive attention from you.

She seems to target you with anger. Maybe try to do things that she enjoys with her. Therefore showing her that she can enjoy your presence. For some odd reason she’s angry at you

When my son gives me angry face and his typical stare down I mirror him and vocalise his feeling he always end up cracking with a smile as he can see my funny face trying to imitate him. When he is in a fighting spirit, I get to his level and check to see if he wants a bit of rough playing. Physical touch really help to regulate. She may not get enough of the playful you- she may be attempting to get that part of you. Could be worth watching your husband deal with her to learn one thing or two

I read some of your comments and I think she’s really missing you. She’s next you when you’re working but you are not really present because you’re working. For her this is not time spent with you. And then dad comes home and he can’t play straight away. It’s all totally understandable for an adult but to her it must be very lonely. I would try to give her more time in instead of time outs and treat the behaviour as the symptom. Maybe even say out loud when she’s hitting you “I can see how angry you are we didn’t play together today. I understand.” or “You are angry that mummy has to work all day. It must be hard!”. And then set the boundary “we don’t hit” and suggest something to do together (whenever possible), play with the ball, read a book, etc. you can also say let’s do some jumping together to get that anger out. If you have to physically distance yourself for your safety obviously do, but make sure daddy is there or she can see you.

My toddler is very aggressive and wants to cause harm when she’s annoyed… 😅 I also cannot stand her at times . But honestly it’s got to be just a phase I wouldn’t worry too much . Keep giving plenty of love, being firm and modelling good behaviour and they will follow suit eventually

Hang in there. It gets better. I’ve been through the trenches with 3 toddlers, my oldest is now a teenager. Toddlerhood is my least favorite age.

My best advice is try to stay calm, positive and consistent. Ok, ok, I know this is easier said than done. But we found we would get into negative spirals during difficult periods. Making a concerted effort to reward good behavior and inserting positivity/fun tended to improve behavior overall.

I would try to find out if she's being picked on at school. I'm a preschool teacher and it's often the quiet ones who get picked on and unless she is being hurt the teachers aren't gonna tell you.

It’s important that you stay calm. They feed off of our energy. It’s normal that she’s good at preschool and let’s it all out at home. Probably just a phase in my opinion but just keep telling her calmly that we do not hit. Maybe full time preschool would help