Self employed husband

Sorry to hear. Work definitely get in the way of family life and some men are so invested in their work ultimately they think that if their family crumbles they still have their job and can be the cool dad when they get to spend time with the kids

What you have to decide is what is that you want for yourself. Would you like to return to work? Can you afford some help around the house to have more free time? Would you like some dinners together? Once you are clear about what you want it be easier to move towards it. I personally stopped expecting anything from others, we can’t make them change. . I outsource help instead whether my partner likes it or not and use his money. This allows me to continue working and save my money.

If he was single, he would still have to work so he’s not making any great sacrifice by saying he has to work 🤦🏽‍♀️

He doesn’t sound like he even wants to be part of a family from what you’ve described and has more of the life of a single man. How much would you want to bet if you divorced him, given the amount of freedom he would have, would he end up not seeing his kids and being a deadbeat dad? 🤔

My advice is to sit down and ask him to go with you for marriage counselling and let him know your marriage is on the rocks and this is make or break. If he doesn’t want to go, you’ll start the divorce proceedings anyway because there’s no point wasting time. This WILL be your life if you stay. Miserable single married mother. He’ll probably end up having an affair and leaving you anyway. Take the bull by the horns and take back control of your life.

I would be having a deeper conversation here. A conversation about a shared vision of family. If both your visions of what a family looks like looks different either you both need to compromise or it's not the right fit anymore and only you two can decide that. I would start the conversation by addressing that you feel disconnected and then move into shared expectations of what your family should look like. My husband is self employed but for the opposite reasons, so he can work less, earn a little more but ultimately he can take on a larger porition of parenting. I work part time. Our finances are shared - we work on a bare minimum approach by working out what our basic lifestyle consists of and as long as we meet that all is fine as long as the quality time as a family exists. On work days I leave early and get back late. Other days my husband needs to squeeze in an appointment on an evening or weekend and we cover each other and protect time for each others dairies - again we work from a shared calender.

I kind of feel the same. Feel free to message me x

Are you still in therapy together? What is his response to wanting to 'win the argument'? Eventually there will come a point where he has to decide what comes first, getting his way or his family life. Not addressing it however for me would be a red flag as it would indicate to me that my husband has checked out and is not seeing the importance of the family we've built together. Rather than framing it as a disagreement however I would try to be as constructive as possible, is it worth exploring what it is he is trying to defend - is it the time away from home he's enjoying and doesn't want to lose? And then incorporate how to make that work for both of you. It would also be worth putting forward that if he is benefitting from this time is there a time he can give to you so you can also experience and enjoy similar.

You could suggest that if he would like to know why it would be worth him attending therapy with you. Then you have put the ball in his court about if he just wants to do surface level work or if he wants to do some real work to improve your relationships and the household dynamics

Feel free to message if you want to talk, happy to connect. It sounds like you have got to a point where you feel like nothing will work. I think getting some therapy for you is a great idea and see where you get to. Also don't worry what others will think, no one truly knows what goes on between a couple so they are in no position to judge