Self employed husband
Hi ladies. I need advice on my relationship and partnership. My husband is self employed. I left work early this year as life became too hard as his schedule as below never changed it’s been like this. His schedule
8.30am wake up and responds to emails and makes work calls
9.30 he gets ready to leave the house for work. I don’t make him any breakfast on principle as I’m overwhelmed with kids and home and he gets bugged by this because he feels the bare minimum I can do for him as a hard working man is to make sure he’s fed.
All day. No contact from him unless he needs something from me. No calls if kids are unwell. No calls if I’ve said I’m not feeling great today. Nothing. But I’ll get back to back calls from him if he wants to know something with urgency.
After school I pick up the kids, and we’re usually home bound for the rest of the evening.
He pulls up to the drive around 6pm most days. Sits in his car doing more admin and work calls.
He’ll come inside around 7pm. Kids are starting to get ready for bed. He leads them to their rooms and focuses on putting the youngest down. In that time I’m usually downstairs tidying or go out for a supermarket shop.
At 8.30/9 most nights of the week he goes out to catch up with a friend or work related something. Comes home around midnight or later. If not out he watches his TV series. I’ve started to sleep in the big kids room as he is better at settling the baby at night.
Most nights I stay downstairs scrolling on my phone or doing house chores.
We have intimacy only if he initiates. I have lost my spark for anything pleasure related.
I don’t know how to make him realise he’s losing his connection with me. I am just cordial with him for the most days unless I’m really annoyed I stop talking to him for several days. I’ve tried talking to him and explaining, trying to set work switch off boundaries etc. I don’t know if anyone’s been in this position where you just reach a point of not caring to address the problems anymore.
Will he ever come to realise I’ve accepted I am a single married woman?? Will he even care?? His defence ALWAYS is MONEY. If he doesn’t work this hard we won’t be able to sustain the house and cars etc. I MUST add he is the materialistic one in us and always wants to have things slightly better than everyone else.
What’s your advice on how to make my final plea to him.
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Sorry to hear. Work definitely get in the way of family life and some men are so invested in their work ultimately they think that if their family crumbles they still have their job and can be the cool dad when they get to spend time with the kids
What you have to decide is what is that you want for yourself. Would you like to return to work? Can you afford some help around the house to have more free time? Would you like some dinners together? Once you are clear about what you want it be easier to move towards it. I personally stopped expecting anything from others, we can’t make them change. . I outsource help instead whether my partner likes it or not and use his money. This allows me to continue working and save my money.
If he was single, he would still have to work so he’s not making any great sacrifice by saying he has to work 🤦🏽♀️
He doesn’t sound like he even wants to be part of a family from what you’ve described and has more of the life of a single man. How much would you want to bet if you divorced him, given the amount of freedom he would have, would he end up not seeing his kids and being a deadbeat dad? 🤔
My advice is to sit down and ask him to go with you for marriage counselling and let him know your marriage is on the rocks and this is make or break. If he doesn’t want to go, you’ll start the divorce proceedings anyway because there’s no point wasting time. This WILL be your life if you stay. Miserable single married mother. He’ll probably end up having an affair and leaving you anyway. Take the bull by the horns and take back control of your life.
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