The mental load -letting him fail?

I need to preface this by saying my husband is great and I love him to bits but I don’t think he, probably like quite a lot of other people, understands the mental load, especially since having a child.

Perhaps some of it’s my fault in taking over nearly all of the Baby admin, for example, making sure we have enough formula, buying new clothes when he’s growing out the old ones, and showing there’s always nappies and wipes and cream and Calpol, packing his nursery bag and nappy bag - you get the gist.

Anyway, today I’ve been working from home and he’s been off with our toddler. He’s taking him to soft play, which is lovely but crosses across lunchtime. I thought about packing the nappy bag but I had a meeting and also thought he’s perfectly capable of doing it; I need to to stop Molly coddling him.

I came out of my meeting and can see he hasn’t taken a cup for him to have a drink and he hasn’t taken one of the ready meals and also he’s due his next dose of antibiotics now and he’s not taken them either. (He should be fine having it a little late but it’s not the point).

I feel like on this one I just need to let it go and for him to realise he didn’t pack those things because the more I help and pack his bag the more he doesn’t see what I do behind the scene and the more he’s not really thinking each time of what is needed when you leave the house?

Anyone else going through this?

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I’ve found with my partner he’s more of a ‘find a solution if needed’ type of human.
For instance my partner would forget the cup but buy a bottle of water out at the soft play.
It winds me up so much but he always comes back and said ‘no harm no foul’ and that pisses me off even more 🤣

He does none of the life admin at all, but he has started taking on more chores now I’m back at work because I couldn’t do it all

The thing is my husband says “I understand the mental load” but then has little “suggestions” on how to make life “easier” when he’s literally just adding steps in between what he doesn’t realize is happening (my son crying st my feet pulling on my legs to be picked up, or he’s fallen over while playing etc) I’m a sahm so he expects me to do everything but for example I can’t use the washing machine when Ryleys awake because he turns it off, changes cycles etc cause he can reach the buttons 🫠😂 so no they don’t get it but honestly on the weekends sometimes I’ll disappear upstairs for an hr and I’ll come down to pure chaos and I can tell he’s like “omg thank god mamas back” 😂

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I am to resent my baby. Reason being he’s just driving me up the wall. He is soooo clingy I cannot not put him down when if I’m in the same room he will have a meltdown and won’t stop until I pick him up. He doesnt sit still on my lap he always wants to be standing on my lap. He always seems to be crying I honestly think our neighbours hate us 😬🤣 he just such an unhappy baby the last month. Not sure what to do anymore cause I can’t take much more.

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