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Baby Daddy Drama

i just need to vent..

this is such a long story. when my daughter was two months old.. her father began cheating on me. she’s 7 months old now.

our living situation became unstable.. we began struggling financially.. and add postpartum hormones (maybe even postpartum anxiety or ppd).. he distanced himself from me. the first time he physically cheated on me.. we tried working things out. we went to couples therapy and everything. he said he would never cheat on me again.. but he did. literally a week after we moved into our new apartment. i was devastated. i had to pack up everything and move again. he said i could stay as long as i needed.. but why would i when he claimed he was in a relationship with someone else? i know he probably just wanted help with rent. so anyway.. i left. and then his life began to fall apart. apparently there was a warrant out for his arrest due to a violation of probation. after learning more about why he was arrested.. turns out that warrant was from 2 years ago. we were together during that time.. so i know exactly what happened. he didn’t do anything wrong.. but for some reason.. he got arrested for it recently. mind you.. we haven’t even been broken up for a month.. and so that means all this time.. he was being compliant with meeting his probation officer. only with meeting him. because during all this time.. he was also lying about a few things that further violated the terms of his probation. so now.. because of that.. he is on house arrest and lost everything he had. our apartment? well his now.. he’s going to lose that too. and now.. he is facing jail time. about a week before all of this happened.. he said he wanted to talk to me.. but i refused and blocked him on his backup phone. his main phone was already blocked. after he got out from jail earlier this week.. he called me from the p.o. office saying that he needed me to meet him at the apartment due to an emergency. so i went. i thought his p.o. wanted to talk to me tbh. he hadn’t seen our daughter for a few weeks so i brought her. he then began to tell me that he made a mistake and he apologizes for what he did to me. he said he wants his family back. all in a matter of a few days. mind you.. he doesn’t know this.. but his probation officer had called me telling me he got arrested before he even had the police call me to bail him out. that night.. his “girlfriend” filed a missing person report. the next day.. his p.o. called me asking me what that was about because i had told him that we’re no longer together a few weeks before all this happened. so now.. he’s denying that he has a girlfriend saying that it was a fling and he is practically begging for me to “come back home”. my guess is that he really has no way of contacting her because he probably doesn’t know her number by heart and he no longer has a phone.

but anyway.. no. i’m not going “back home”. i literally dealt with so much stress.. sadness.. anger.. and more because of his actions. i have no resources or energy to help him. i made the mistake of telling him i still love him. and now.. all he asks is that i be there for him. because we both know that he is going back to jail…

its just a matter of time.

if he goes back.. he may be facing 5 years. i can’t trust that he will change. he already promised me before that he will never cheat on me again. i can’t put my love life on hold for 5 years for a man who may not even change.

i am in therapy. trying to pick up my pieces for myself and my daughter. everything used to be so good between him and i. after i had my daughter.. everything changed. i hate this so much.