Hitting himself

I used to just hold his hand after he hit looked him in the eye with a serious face and say “we don’t hit” in a really monotone voice 😅 that way they also don’t get a big reaction for it but are told no, at 21 months I would also put him down if he did it again after being told no and make him stand and hold my hand, we went through a head-butting stage at around 15/18 months and he grew out of it (especially when he didn’t get the reaction he was going for.)

I think this is actually quite common at that age, especially around 18–24 months when they don’t yet have the language to express frustration. It’s not something he’s “learned” from someone else as much as a way to release big emotions.

I wouldn’t ignore it, but I’d try to respond calmly and consistently:

Gently stop his hands: “I won’t let you hit. That hurts.”
Validate the emotion: “You’re feeling frustrated because I said no.”
Offer an alternative: “You can stomp your feet / squeeze my hand / say ‘no’.”

When he hits himself, same idea:
“I won’t let you hurt your body. You’re upset, I’m here.”

At this age they need help regulating, not punishment. Over time, with repetition, they learn safer ways to express those feelings.

Also, the hitting when others approach might be overwhelm or needing connection, so maybe holding him closer and preparing him like: “Someone is coming to say hi, I’m here with you.”

It’s exhausting, but it does pass with guidance ❤️