We had our 2nd baby last week and my husband has no patience for our toddler

Obviously it's a big adjustment for everyone and there has been a lot of tears from all 4 of us.
But I've noticed my husband, particularly today, just doesn't have the patience for our toddler.
And I totally get it, it's difficult trying to balance both children and we're burning out because of the lack of sleep having a newborn. But I'm still finding it in me to grit my teeth and not snap at our son. He's only 2.5, he's a handful but honestly such a good child and could be far worse. He's just struggling not being our centre of attention 24/7 anymore.

My husband has said twice today in front of him that he is so annoying. I get it, but I don't like that he said it out loud in front of him. He also grabbed his arm and yanked him off the couch really roughly which is completely out of character. I immediately snapped at him for it and I can tell he feels bad. Toddler started crying and wanted me to do bedtime routine tonight, doesn't want his dad to be near him now.

Its just difficult because I understand how hard it is, I'm crying every day and my hormones are completely messed up, but I don't think it's fair that our toddler faces the brunt of it just because he's being more of a handful than usual, it's a lot for him too.

I just needed to vent really. It sucks, I just wish things were easier. And I really don't want to be getting upset with my husband right now because we need to lean on each other atm. Its hard

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

The newborn stage is rough but especially with other little people too. This might sound silly but it helped me to look at the size of my daughter’s hands, reminded me how small she still is and if I’m finding it hard, it’ll be harder for her. Might be something for your husband to try?

the newborn bubble is hard. weve got four kiddos 13, 8, 6, and 1 month. our youngest is asd, which is a whole situation itself. its hard for everyone, especially younger kiddos, to grasp and adapt to change. my husband works & im a sahm, so i do everything house work, kids, school , etc. i get its hard.

you guys should try shifts or maybe taking turns doing each kiddo. your 2.5 yr olds going to act out, he has big emotions he doesn't know how to process yet. it will eventually get better

Time to straight up call him out on his behavior, you tell that man that he’s an adult who can control his emotions if he wants to, it just takes work on his part, his children don’t have the capacity to control their emotions & right now it’s more important than ever for both of you(adults) to demonstrate how it’s done, bc you(mom) can’t be having your husband acting like a toddler too, you need him to act like the adult he is, so say “tag” when that frustration gets to difficult, take 5mins to breathe & gather yourself & get back to it, then make sure he knows this goes both ways. There’s no excuse for 2 of these actions you’ve mentioned, unfortunately it does happen, I’ve gotten snippy on many occasions & found myself explaining my emotions, what I did wrong, what I should’ve done & what the people I love can do to help me be better & hold me accountable, but it’s up to him to make it right to the 2yo now & be better, we are all only human, but we have to strive to be better.

in our community

What's the etiquette?

My brother and his girlfriend are going to look after my little girl (20 months) for a few hours so my husband and I can go out for lunch - we never get time to ourselves. This is the first time they've looked after her and it would be nice if they could do it every now and then. They love spending time with her but I want to thank them, I just don't know exactly how. What do you do when family look after your child/children?

Mycarrypotty - essential or overrated?

As the title says, really. Starting to prepare myself for potty training LO and wondering if mycarrypotty is really as brilliant as the ads make out or if I would be spending £25-30 on a gimmick?

I'm honestly feeling pretty overwhelmed with it at the moment, so any tips or recommended reading also welcome

I AM RAGING

My partner works 12 hours while I’m home with the baby and toddler, I’m always cleaning the house looking after the kids and forever overstimulated when he’s at work. When he’s off I’ve asked him today to help me clean the house; he’s taken the piss coming home and I’ve nearly cleaned everything on my own. I’m standing in the kitchen doing the dishes and he has the nerve while he’s taking the washed clothes out the machine to tell me they ain’t even washed properly. I’ve crashed out and said I’ve had enough it’s the fact I’ve cleaned the whole house while you fucked off and took your time getting in the house and now have one job to do and the audacity and never to tell me they ain’t even washed properly. He then says shit like what do you even do? Are you tucking serious right now. I’ve birthed two FUCKING kids I deal with a newborn who’s a few weeks old and a toddler in the terrible twos. Cook clean. What the fuck does he do apart from talk shit and question what I do while he’s at work like he genuinely believes I sit on my fucking ass doing nothing I am FUMING. If I don’t do the cleaning or cooking nothing is fucking done I’m fucking tired of his bullshit

My 4.5 year old hates using public bathrooms

Instead she will hold her wee in all day which im worried will affect her long-term.
Ive had times sitting in a public bathroom for a good 20 minutes until she wees!
I saw yesterday while at a park a mum take her children (looked about 5 and 6) to the car where she got a potty for them to use.
Do others do this?
I hadn't thought about it before as thought its going backwards but my daughter still uses the potty sometimes at home aswell as our toilet!

Needs some advise

I’d like some honest opinions from other mums about something.

My husband is generally a very good husband and a great father to our son, who is nearly four. But sometimes I feel quite restricted in my freedom, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.

For example, if I go out for coffee with friends for 2–3 hours, he’ll message asking when I’m coming back. If I spend the day out, like I did yesterday with a friend visiting from my home country, he gets upset that I was out all day and came home late - he’s also not speaking with me because of that. He often says he supports me going out, but seems uncomfortable if I stay out too long - I don’t go out to often.

The same thing has happened with work opportunities. I’ve had job offers that involved travelling for work, and he was completely against me going.

What makes me question this even more is that I honestly wouldn’t mind if he had to travel for work, went to play football, or went out for a beer with friends. I’d see that as completely normal.

Am I wrong for feeling this is unfair? I’d really value hearing other mums’ perspectives.

Nursery funding

Me & my partner are both in work, he makes £1,300 a month and I make a minimum of about £400 a month. Our 2 year old son is in nursery two days a week costing us £400/£450 a month. I’ve looked into getting nursery funding but according to the internet, we’re not eligible. Does this sound right? I know this might change when he turns 3 but when I mentioned not being eligible to the nursery, they seemed a bit shocked so I thought it was worth asking here incase anyone makes around the same amount & gets funding. Thanks! ☺️