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Did I make a mistake.

I am 37 years old and I have an 18 month old boy and have been with the father of my child for almost 6 years. The relationship has never 100% been respectful as he has cheated multiple times, called me out of my name, etc. I found out he cheated then found out I was pregnant. I wanted to keep my family together and for our son to have an active parent. So I stayed

Pregnancy and postpartum was hard. He wasn’t working a steady job and I had to back to work very quickly to keep our income. Eventually he got a job and we were able to move into our own place. But we have not been intimate since the baby was conceived. Don’t get my wrong I sick him off when he needs it but that’s about it.

I’m the primary parent. Bathtime. Dropping and picking baby up. Packing bag. Making appointments. Soothing. EVERYTHING. he does change diapers sometimes but when I ask for help it’s like pulling teeth.

He gets angry and snaps at me or the baby “am I raising a boy or girl” when the baby is whining or something. Making me feel wrong for having any feelings outside of happiness.

Because of the disrespect and what I feel is emotional abuse. I decided to break up with him. In my head I know it was the right decision. I know I am grieving what could have been. But my heart is still breaking. I don’t know what my life looks like without this person whose been in my life for 6 years. I never wanted to raise a child by myself even though I know its possible. Starting for scratch at this age is daunting. And he already talking about getting a lawyer.

We have to stay in the same house because there’s 2 months on our lease and he says he will continue to provide the rent but he might leave the state. Which I already planned on doing to be closer to family. But I feel like I’ve ruined my family and my son is going to hate me.

Did I make a mistake? I know I didn’t but my heart says otherwise. Thank you for letting me vent.

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I can’t make friends cuz I look scary

Look. I got my face pierced a lot as a teenager cuz I lived in a really big city and I was a WEAK WEAK WEAK kid and I needed to look scary to do anything on my own. I have a hood look. It’s more toxic instagram baddie goes grandma look

I’m just out on my own in this big world and I figured it was smart

Now I’m an old lady and a mommy and I feel like women don’t talk to me cuz my style. Look

I’m a goody two shoes. I ain’t never done nothing wrong I always been the scardy cat so most my look is goose rather than duck. I just like my look looking finished I have a disfigured face and so I wear big head to complete the look. I don’t have fancy clothes I have 5 outfits and I was them every time I wear them. I used to have more clothes but I moved and they got rained on.

Anyways would anyone like to be my friend?

IM Really easy to be friends with.