Did I make a mistake.
I am 37 years old and I have an 18 month old boy and have been with the father of my child for almost 6 years. The relationship has never 100% been respectful as he has cheated multiple times, called me out of my name, etc. I found out he cheated then found out I was pregnant. I wanted to keep my family together and for our son to have an active parent. So I stayed
Pregnancy and postpartum was hard. He wasn’t working a steady job and I had to back to work very quickly to keep our income. Eventually he got a job and we were able to move into our own place. But we have not been intimate since the baby was conceived. Don’t get my wrong I sick him off when he needs it but that’s about it.
I’m the primary parent. Bathtime. Dropping and picking baby up. Packing bag. Making appointments. Soothing. EVERYTHING. he does change diapers sometimes but when I ask for help it’s like pulling teeth.
He gets angry and snaps at me or the baby “am I raising a boy or girl” when the baby is whining or something. Making me feel wrong for having any feelings outside of happiness.
Because of the disrespect and what I feel is emotional abuse. I decided to break up with him. In my head I know it was the right decision. I know I am grieving what could have been. But my heart is still breaking. I don’t know what my life looks like without this person whose been in my life for 6 years. I never wanted to raise a child by myself even though I know its possible. Starting for scratch at this age is daunting. And he already talking about getting a lawyer.
We have to stay in the same house because there’s 2 months on our lease and he says he will continue to provide the rent but he might leave the state. Which I already planned on doing to be closer to family. But I feel like I’ve ruined my family and my son is going to hate me.
Did I make a mistake? I know I didn’t but my heart says otherwise. Thank you for letting me vent.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
No you did not make a mistake in breaking up with him. He sounds like a horrible person. Honestly getting away from him sounds like the best thing for you and the child.
One thing I always tell people who think about divorce is to try marriage counseling. Give it a shot especially if you are not sure that's what you want.
I think you’re doing the right thing. At the end of the day, you have to put your son first and protect your peace. It’s not easy starting over, especially after so many years, but staying in something that isn’t right will only hurt more in the long run. You didn’t ruin your family—you’re making a hard decision to create a healthier one. Your son is going to grow up seeing your strength, not hating you for it. Also you can try couples counseling.
You are absolutely doing the best thing for your son in getting him away from this person. It’s an act of love and protection. You are choosing a hard path because you do know it’s the best one. Growing up with one parent who loves them and has their best interests in mind will always win over a 2 parent household where there is abuse happening.
You didn’t ruin your family—you protected it. What you’re grieving is the idea of what it could have been, not what it actually was. From everything you’ve described, that environment wasn’t healthy, and it wouldn’t have been a safe or loving place to raise your son. You chose strength over comfort, and that matters. Your child is better off with a peaceful, stable mum—and you’re already proving how strong you are.
The only mistake you made was staying with him as long as you did
Nope. You made the right decision for you and your baby. Do not doubt that, ever. Good for you for leaving him. 💜
Did you make a mistake leaving a man who doesnt work, cheated on you multiple times, yells at his baby, doesn't support you and isnt intimate with you?
What do you think? 😂
Download the Peanut App
