‘I need to step up’

I need to step up is what my husband told me.

I need to vent. Randomly out of what I thought was a civil and playful conversation turned into what I feel was a personal attack on me. I was asked when last did I do skin to skin and it’s honestly been a while. I responded well you can do the same.

He then proceeds to ask why I haven’t bathed her today. Why I haven’t brushed her mouth. That he relies on me to do stuff first to encourage him. I paused and asked, so who do I lean on when I need some fucking encouragement?! Idk about you all, but I feel like I’ve REALLY tried. I didn’t have an established bond with her at first and she’s just a month+ old. I feel like the bond is coming & I’ve put in work to make that happen so it just really sucks that my husband has continued to trigger me instead of uplifting me & cutting me some slack.

He gets to go out with his friends, go to work and have a break when it suits him. If I sleep for long periods/ask him for a helping hand it’s ’oh you need to step up’ . So much happened but we’d be here all day.

This whole experience has been so traumatic to the point I have no interest in having another child at all. I’ve put up with disrespect for far too long.

I contacted perinatal mental health to self refer & then called ooo to vent and decompress. The next thing is ‘oh they better not take my child from me’?!?!? What?! I need this for me! I need help because I can’t get the mental help from him or family. They’ll judge me & I’m tired of protecting him when it’s damaging me inside.

in our community

Am I overreacting?

Yesterday my husband mentioned Social Service if they come to our house and what they think about it… because we have toys on the carpet our 2 years old playing with and couple of CLEAN diapers. The kitchen counter is a mess since I was packing for the family trip and garage sale coming this weekend. Right before he said it I came to tell him it’s a mess in the kitchen but I’m packing. Literally it’s not really a mess. He was serious and after I continued he later changed to “it was a joke, you didn’t get it, your are too sensitive and I wouldn’t call Social Service on me”. I said you wanted to call on me, to show how bad I’m as a mother. He said I’m crazy and I have a bad influence on kids because I didn’t let it fly. He started gaslighting me and blamed it was my fault even though I wasn’t the one bringing Social Service.

Today he was upset I was still acting not as normal and he said if you act like this you should stay at home and not go on vacation. I said ok and he changed to you are ruining your kids experience.. and asked me to act like normal one realising he won’t be able to take care of two kids by himself.

This is our first big family trip it’s already a lot of work..

Anyways how is your Mother’s Day going?

I think Mother’s Day is the end of my marriage

Today my husband did not say happy Mother’s Day even when prompted. No gift he says it’s in the mail. No flowers. I reminded him there was a craft from the library to make a card so he did help the kids make that and that is what the children gave me. I said very gently that I would really like flowers today and he acted annoyed and said he didn’t know where to buy them - even though we were in target yesterday and saw there are literally so many flowers for sale. I have been trying not to cry all day. I have stood by him through depression and cancer. I am the mother of his two children. Our relationship isn’t perfect but on a day like today I can’t ignore how bad it feels to have someone not come close to matching your energy. Maybe it’s a silly holiday but year after year I see him put in less and less effort. To all the moms who were cherished and celebrated you deserve this but if there are other moms like me whose lives look picture perfect on the outside but hollow on the inside I see you and you deserve to be celebrated.

Can you tell if a child doesn’t go to day care/nursery and stays at home instead?

Please comment what you think are traits of a child that doesn’t go to daycare. Good or bad.

Should I speak up

My mother-in-law on multiple occasions has been making comments that I feel like are trying to provoke a response.

Full disclosure, we have always had a great relationship. She is super sweet and understanding but since the baby was born I feel like the lines have gotten mixed. Or maybe I'm just a first-time mom who is overanalyzing everything

First, I've expressed anxiety over going back to work after my maternity leave is up in late June. On two occasions in front of me and once over the phone with my husband, she says something along the lines of “ number of weeks to go or you are going back to work soon right?”

Second, right in front of me she says she's going to take the baby home for a sleepover. Due to my horrible poker face, she quickly backtracks and says “Grandma doesn't make milk like mommy so I guess I'll wait” or “Mommy can come too.”

Lastly, she likes to refer to my lo as her baby on occasion she’ll throw in “Grandma’s baby” but most of the time it's “my baby.” (This one is annoying but the least of my concerns).

So, am I overreacting? Have you experienced anything like it?

Mother day

I honestly just need to vent. Today is Mother’s Day and I feel like it’s just a normal day. My BabyDaddy/boyfriend asked me to make him breakfast this morning .. I did so I can surprise my own mother with breakfast in bed. Now he’s trying to plan something for tonight but his energy and his shit talking about how he has to pick a restaurant and blah blah blah make me feel like he doesn’t. I wasn’t expecting anything from him today anyways so the fact he’s trying I appreciate but with the shit talking I just feel like now it’s a forced thing . I asked if he appreciates me and he said he doesn’t wanna have that conversation, I told him if he really doesn’t want to do anything tonight we don’t have to, I don’t wanna force him and he just says that we not gonna have that conversation.. I feel like I’m losing my boyfriend. All he has been doing lately is complaining how annoying I am & how that I don’t treat him with respect when all I do is make sure the house is clean. Dinner is cooked. His lunches for work are made etc .
I tell him all the time if I’m so annoying and irritating to him to just leave me!!
I don’t know what to do anymore.

Helmet riding a scooter ?

For kids.