Have you ever..

So you hear other women telling their birth stories, right? Or are in the environment where they’re being shared.

Have you ever been listening and they get real dramatic about something specific happening to them, like say “they took 4 times to get an IV in and left me bruised” or “oh I had to have a blood bag hung” and you think oh I went through different, I’ll say different because “worse” is subjective.
But I mean like you realize oh I had 3 bags of blood hung, or I had multiple IVs and bruised, arm blew up with saline
Yet realize, you’ve never been given the praise or attention you see them get or others with different experiences than yours, and have you just felt.. some type of way about it. I honestly can’t even describe it, it’s like jealousy of them getting credit when you’ve never been told good job but almost died and no one ever cares when you tell your story.

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I think there’s two perspectives you could take:
1. They have empathy but really just don’t know what you’ve been through and are truly trying to connect.
2. They struggle with empathy in every aspect of their lives. And possibly struggle with their own need for validation so do feel like it’s a competition.

Either way it has little to do with your story. I’m really sorry you went through what you did. It sounds terrifying beyond words and that it’s impacted you in an enormous way. You do deserve a safe place to be heard and validated for what you went through.

I mean, trauma is def subjective, but from the conversation you have had, sounds like they were just bitches

Honestly, reading your comment I wonder if your story is too big/scary/overwhelming for them so they just move on rather than discussing it because they know their stories are not on that level.
People don't like to think about how close to death childbirth can come. For most people it doesn't so when you hear a story about someone who did have one of those they may just want to move on rather than think about it.

I'm sorry that you haven't felt supported. What you went through sounds really difficult and scary. I hope you find other more understanding people soon

I think sometimes people dont know what to say. I know when my best friend told me she had the midwife shove her fist up her vagina because her placenta was coming away when it shouldnt have and she got wheeled very fast into theatre with the midwives hand still in her. I just sat there thinking fuck what do I say to this! Because DAMN!!!! Thats terrifying!

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Awkward coffee meet vent

I'm looking for some advice, validation.
I'm feeling a bit poo.

So yesterday I met an old work colleague for a coffee.
We haven't spoken in 6 years.
We were very good friends until she one day turned on me and for the life of me don't know what I did.
I know she was grieving the death of a friend and I did attempt at the time to ask if I had done something because she wasn't talking to me in the same way and treating me very differently.
I was so hurt that I left my job.

6 years later she messages me because she noticed a photo of me online with my baby.
I suggested going for a coffee and she could meet my LO which she agreed.
We met and she was overjoyed with my baby, asked to have a cuddle and was so sweet with her.
The conversation between us was forced and she didn't really want to know anything about me or my life prior to baby.
I was trying to ask questions about her life, Famliy etc and it was like getting blood from a stone?!
I'm just a bit confused by the encounter?
It felt like she wanted to meet just to hold and gush over my baby- which is fine a guess...
Just feeling a bit flat by it and still believing I have still done something wrong...

How old was your baby when they showed a close bond with their dad?

My baby is currently 3 months old, and still showing a strong preference for mum. I'm exclusively breastfeeding, so completely expect to do all the feeds, but our baby also seems to need me to soothe and settle for naps.
My husband has always been keen to be a hands-on dad, but he's finding it quite demoralising that our baby often cried when left with him, and hasnt settled to sleep on dad since the early newborn days.

I left the baby with dad for a hour yesterday evening, while I had a doctor's appt, and apparently he scream-cri3d the whole time. My husband is feeling very discouraged that the baby doesn't seem to love/trust him, and I would really appreciate being able to have a break sometimes and leave the baby with his dad.

Is there an age where your baby stopped being so attached to mum, and was happy with other people? Did a dad-bond develop naturally over time, or do I need to make more of a conscious effort to leave them alone together?

Thank you 😊

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I am exclusively BF and wondering if I should burp my baby after every feed? What do other mums do if the baby falls asleep at the breast at night? I’m worried that burping them will wake them.