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SEX ~ DRAMA ~ MARRIAGE & MORE

Crossing the line or overreacting

Im a married stay at home mom to a 2year old and 1 year old and currently in nursing school. Lately I’ve been feeling really lost within myself and emotionally disconnected in my marriage, and I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid.

My husband and I share bank accounts, locations, passwords, etc. A few months ago he went away for two weeks for a work training for law enforcement and started hanging out with a new group of guys. One night he bought a round of shots for some girls while out drinking and I found out because I looked through his phone. Recently he had another out-of-town training and ended up going to a strip club with the guys. I saw the location and noticed a large cash withdrawal from our account.

When I confronted him, he basically said I only find problems because I snoop. He says none of it means anything and that it’s just harmless guy behavior flirting with random girls, joking around, getting numbers “for fun,” strip clubs, etc. He says they do stupid things to bond as a team. He always says that he’s a man and i am a woman we are not the same. He says we know we want to be with each other and that we should be happy with each other we aren’t swingers and we don’t want to cheat as long as he comes home and doesn’t physically cheat, it’s harmless and I shouldn’t even know about half of it.

The thing is, I genuinely don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or if my boundaries are reasonable. To me, flirting/getting numbers while married and hiding things crosses lines emotionally, even if no physical cheating happened. He never said he physically got a number but he says as guys we will be at the bar and we will talk shit and say to each other oh I bet you can’t get that chicks number and then we will hype each other up so he’s like we just do dumb things.
He says I evade his privacy and it’s not right because I’m just looking for issues to make a problem.

To me certain things are crossing the LINE and he should know this being married. But he also says if you go out I wouldn’t think to ask you what you do I’d just ask you if you have fun as long as you’re not cheating then we should be okay. So to me he’s saying I can go out and flirt with men and receive drinks without him getting upset.

I love being a mom and I’m proud of being in nursing school, but I also feel like I’ve completely lost my identity outside of motherhood and marriage while my husband still gets freedom, hobbies, trips, nights out, gym time, etc.