Partner
nothing changes for men, but everything has to change for the woman. He is selfish.
I have a 1-month-old and a 2.5-year-old. I’m not breastfeeding, but I’m constantly doing everything for the baby. He helps with bedtime for the toddler and bath time. I cook and clean. I have to ask for help. For example, I was poorly with mastitis and had to ask him to come up to bed early to be ready for the first night feed instead of me waking up. (I fell asleep at 7:30 with the baby.) I feel like I shouldn’t have even needed to ask.
My toddler wakes up anywhere from 5am, and the baby also stirs from wind at 4am and goes back to sleep whenever he feels like it. So I need to deal with my toddler and a crying baby at the same time. My toddler won’t go back to sleep if he hears his brother crying, and my partner just left for the gym.
I said to him, “If you’re awake, you should maybe take the baby so I can get some more sleep, and this is where you can be selfish.”
He said his body was feeling tight. Then I said, “Whatever, just go anyway.” He then came back up saying, “I cba with this, just give me the baby!” — making me feel like I should feel bad because I want sleep before he goes to work.
Am I in the wrong for thinking the gym can just do one or if he can’t be bothered to go at night when our toddler is fully asleep and doesn’t wake up, then that’s his problem. That he should just actually think about the whole family needs right now. Like if my toddler wakes before 6 he’s going to be exhausted because I won’t be able to get him back to sleep with a crying baby therefore everyone is going to be exhausted and tapped out by 3pm
Edit - suggested going in evening and all I got is that’s definitely not happening so I need to just like it 🤷♀️
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
he’s seems to be being selfish by pushing it all on you. you are right, he should be thinking proactively about how he can care for the babies and make things easier on you. as a working mom, work is so much easier than parenting alone 24/7. work is reprieve. he should recognize that and step up, not “help” as if it is solely your responsibility. he isnt the backup, he’s a parent too.
Just as suspected my toddler is awake but the baby is asleep so I could have got an extra 1.5 hrs sleep if he took care of the toddler before going to work I’m exhausted.
He needs to compromise on the gym and either go in the evening or not at all. My partner & I had this exact convo before our baby was born bc he used to go after work & we agreed he would wake up before work & go then since I take care of our baby overnight so he can sleep for work as I’m currently a sahm. He should also be doing some of the cooking & cleaning to take the load off you. I do majority of the cleaning now bc I’m home more often & whatever I don’t get around to (dishes piled up, tub needs cleaning, etc.) my partner does. As for cooking, we cook our own meals as I’m vegetarian & he’s a meat eater. (Our baby isn’t old enough for solids yet.) However, when I was recovering from birth (I had a c-section), he was cooking all the meals, cleaning the entire apartment, doing laundry, washing the dishes, taking care of our baby (I was mainly just feeding her when I was breastfeeding & changing diapers here & there), taking care of me, & taking care of our dog.
Download the Peanut App
