What do i do about this situation because i’m genuinely at a loss?

so to make a super long story short, my husband and i are separated and basically roommates because it’s complicated financially and blah blah blah. i’ve been on birth control because i DO NOT want another baby we had 2u2(13m apart) and it was hell. the second baby was fully his fault(he admitted to getting me pregnant when i was drunk because he wanted a son but that’s another story) and i was very unhappy and still am because i just did not want this situation. my postpartum was horrible with my first and worse with my second. anyways i switched birth controls on wednesday and wasn’t thinking much of it. i had an unexpected 👅night👅 (not with him) early saturday morning (12/1am) and he pulled out but he definitely finished super quick (like 2min tops quick) and i worry he didn’t pull out soon enough. funny (not funny) enough my husband made a comment saturday around noon about me smelling like i was ovulating. i took a test and damn sure it was as positive as you can get. i’m kinda stressing now and i’m not sure what to do. my situation is complicated and while I’m not cheating it would definitely cause a lot of unnecessary drama if i was pregnant, especially with who the other guy is. it would complicate things with both our lives/families honestly. i’m worried because i genuinely didn’t think the birth control switch would mess with my hormones that quickly. i had mentioned a condom but the guy didn’t wanna get the special kind i need (i’m highly allergic to latex) and promised he just wouldn’t finish in me. it was super last minute and everything and we were both heavily intoxicated but i feel stupid. also we do kinda have a huge age gap (he’s 48 and i’m 23) so there’s that. anywaysssss i need advice please that’s nonjudgmental. i have a very hard relationship with my parents and i don’t have any friends really either. i’ve been isolated for a while.

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When was this?? Get the morning after pill, I believe it’s now free (in UK)

Well given the fact you’ve stated you aren’t in a good financial position I would say possibly thing of abortion ? If that’s an option for you . If not , then I would say find a way to make enough money to stand on your own before telling your husband . It’s also a bit off since yall are still married so it’s technically to law cheating I guess ? I’m not sure.

3 at 23 would be a lot but if you’re up for the challenge think of your next move that doesn’t has anything to do with your husband being there bc more than likely he might not wanna have you around after this type of news ?

Having a baby and not being in a place financially and also not together isn't the best scenario for baby unless you plan on getting back together and making major career plans soon. 3 kids is going to be even more tough...

Read the last sentence and my eyes got huge 😳. Oh absolutely not . If the kids are best friends I’ll assume your husband knows of this guy ? That’s a bigger conflict . I say just hope you aren’t pregnant . If so , look into options immediately or be willing to make your life more harder than what it already is .

Hey girly I’m really sorry this is happening. You’ve been taken advantage of twice at 23. Don’t think for one minute a 48 year old man didn’t know what he was doing. He had no business sleeping with you. Doesn’t matter if you felt it was consensual. It’s not if he said he was going to wear a condom and didn’t. It’s not if he says he was going to pull out and didn’t. That’s NOT CONSENT! Stop blaming yourself and look at POS of men in your life who continue to take advantage of a 23 year old young woman. NO YOU DONT NEED 3 under 3 at 23!!!! No one can handle that and keep their health unless they have a ton of support. Where’s your support system rn. Sounds like it’s not your ex husband. Get away from these people and find some women or real family to lift you up. And if you can get an IUD! They are the best when you’re young and busy and have kids!

I’m pretty sure if you’re already ovulating emergency contraceptives aren’t an option. I’m getting the impression you’re against abortions as an alternative since you kept your most recent pregnancy despite not wanting to have another.

I think roommates situations with exes especially ones you share kids with can be messy. Would you want that environment for the kids you have already.

in our community

Starting to come to the conclusion my daughter will be a only child, just like me 😭💔

Me and my partner have been together for almost 14 years. We waited so long to have kids, and then we went through infertility struggles for a while before finally having our daughter. I always dreamed of having a big family, at least 3 kids, and I truly thought we would build that life together.

But now, things feel so different. We barely get along anymore, and he has become such a miserable person. It feels like he’s constantly unhappy and always bringing up negative things , many of them situations that he created himself, but now he wants to play the victim in.

Before I had my daughter, I used to stay quiet and be more compliant just to keep the peace. But now that I’m older, and especially now that I’m a mother, I’m exhausted from pretending his behavior doesn’t affect me. It does affect me deeply, and I can’t keep carrying everything like this anymore.

What makes me even sadder is that I still want more children, but now I’m scared. Even if I were to go through IVF with a donor, part of me feels like he would make our lives miserable anyway. It hurts so much because the dream I had for my future and my family feels like it’s slipping away, and I feel overwhelmed and heartbroken.

Is this a reasonable take or do you feel judged?

My opinion is that you can do whatever you want as a parent, given your circumstances and your goals. But for me, giving my baby / toddler screentime doesn’t match my personal goals as a parent. I don’t even have my phone on me when I’m with her - it’s never in my hand or my pocket. It’s either sitting on a shelf somewhere out of sight or it’s in my backpack. It definitely affects the way she interacts with me and others, and her ability to focus and not get side tracked.

Text message draft to MIL

I hate confrontation but for my own mental health, I feel I need to send this to my MIL. Would appreciate your thoughts before I send?

Hi XXX, I really appreciate you looking after XXX on Wednesdays, but I wanted to mention something so that our relationship can remain positive moving forward.

A few comments about our parenting choices recently have left me feeling like I need to defend our decisions as parents. For example, comments about his diet like “babybels are the worst thing you can possibly give him” and “sweetcorn has no nutritional value”, comparisons around breastfeeding timelines, suggestions about offering him cool drinks when he’s asking for milk, and comments about car seats such as “he’ll have to forward face soon or he’ll feel sick / it won’t be good for his hips.”

We make our parenting decisions carefully based on current guidance and research, so I’d really appreciate it if you could avoid giving unsolicited advice or negative commentary about our choices going forward. Thank you.

IM FREEEEE!!! (Kinda)

My kidZZZZZZZZZZZZ (emphasis in plurality) start their summer program in a couple weeks! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Yall! My daughter hasn’t even ever been to preschool! And when she was an infant she wouldn’t take a bottle 😭😭😭

YALLLLLLLL

I’m bout to have afternoon independence there’s too many options of things to do!!!!!

Dad not agreeing to have son when I want to go for a weekend break.

Right, so this might be a long one. My son is 3 and me and his dad broke up nearly a year ago. It’s been up and down but I’ve done my best for it to stay civil for my son.
Anyway, I asked him about having his son for a long weekend as it’s my 30th this year. He agreed. He then said he was going on holiday for a full week and wanted to swap weekends over. I said that was fine (Makes sense why he agreed about my time away so easily)

This was a couple months ago…
Last night he decided to tell me that he will look after OUR son but everyday he loses from work, he will deduct from child maintenance?
So if he gets 220 a day and loses that, that’s going to be 4 weeks no payments.

Surly this is all about control right?

I literally was looking for the weekend that’s his weekend with my son anyway, so it’s only 1-2 days he would need off and believe me all the stuff I’ve helped him with, including sorting his flat, car and just making sure he’s all set up and he just continuously messes me about and tries to control everything.

Am I right or wrong? What can I do?
If I went to family court, would they sort out an agreement regarding holidays per year/the other parent agreeing to be fair. Like for example, one week per parent can go away and we have to accept it.
As well as the usual every other weekend stuff

Thank you, hope that makes sense! Any advice welcome x

Nursery or Childminder?

What are people's preference when going back to work?

My little boy will be a year old when I return to work.

I'd much rather a child minder whilst he is still so small but my partner would rather him be placed in a nursery and we just can't come to an agreement on this.

What are everyone's experiences on both and their pros and cons.

Thank you x