Dad not agreeing to have son when I want to go for a weekend break.

Right, so this might be a long one. My son is 3 and me and his dad broke up nearly a year ago. It’s been up and down but I’ve done my best for it to stay civil for my son.
Anyway, I asked him about having his son for a long weekend as it’s my 30th this year. He agreed. He then said he was going on holiday for a full week and wanted to swap weekends over. I said that was fine (Makes sense why he agreed about my time away so easily)

This was a couple months ago…
Last night he decided to tell me that he will look after OUR son but everyday he loses from work, he will deduct from child maintenance?
So if he gets 220 a day and loses that, that’s going to be 4 weeks no payments.

Surly this is all about control right?

I literally was looking for the weekend that’s his weekend with my son anyway, so it’s only 1-2 days he would need off and believe me all the stuff I’ve helped him with, including sorting his flat, car and just making sure he’s all set up and he just continuously messes me about and tries to control everything.

Am I right or wrong? What can I do?
If I went to family court, would they sort out an agreement regarding holidays per year/the other parent agreeing to be fair. Like for example, one week per parent can go away and we have to accept it.
As well as the usual every other weekend stuff

Thank you, hope that makes sense! Any advice welcome x

in our community

Is this a reasonable take or do you feel judged?

My opinion is that you can do whatever you want as a parent, given your circumstances and your goals. But for me, giving my baby / toddler screentime doesn’t match my personal goals as a parent. I don’t even have my phone on me when I’m with her - it’s never in my hand or my pocket. It’s either sitting on a shelf somewhere out of sight or it’s in my backpack. It definitely affects the way she interacts with me and others, and her ability to focus and not get side tracked.

Starting to come to the conclusion my daughter will be a only child, just like me 😭💔

Me and my partner have been together for almost 14 years. We waited so long to have kids, and then we went through infertility struggles for a while before finally having our daughter. I always dreamed of having a big family, at least 3 kids, and I truly thought we would build that life together.

But now, things feel so different. We barely get along anymore, and he has become such a miserable person. It feels like he’s constantly unhappy and always bringing up negative things , many of them situations that he created himself, but now he wants to play the victim in.

Before I had my daughter, I used to stay quiet and be more compliant just to keep the peace. But now that I’m older, and especially now that I’m a mother, I’m exhausted from pretending his behavior doesn’t affect me. It does affect me deeply, and I can’t keep carrying everything like this anymore.

What makes me even sadder is that I still want more children, but now I’m scared. Even if I were to go through IVF with a donor, part of me feels like he would make our lives miserable anyway. It hurts so much because the dream I had for my future and my family feels like it’s slipping away, and I feel overwhelmed and heartbroken.

Text message draft to MIL

I hate confrontation but for my own mental health, I feel I need to send this to my MIL. Would appreciate your thoughts before I send?

Hi XXX, I really appreciate you looking after XXX on Wednesdays, but I wanted to mention something so that our relationship can remain positive moving forward.

A few comments about our parenting choices recently have left me feeling like I need to defend our decisions as parents. For example, comments about his diet like “babybels are the worst thing you can possibly give him” and “sweetcorn has no nutritional value”, comparisons around breastfeeding timelines, suggestions about offering him cool drinks when he’s asking for milk, and comments about car seats such as “he’ll have to forward face soon or he’ll feel sick / it won’t be good for his hips.”

We make our parenting decisions carefully based on current guidance and research, so I’d really appreciate it if you could avoid giving unsolicited advice or negative commentary about our choices going forward. Thank you.

IM FREEEEE!!! (Kinda)

My kidZZZZZZZZZZZZ (emphasis in plurality) start their summer program in a couple weeks! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Yall! My daughter hasn’t even ever been to preschool! And when she was an infant she wouldn’t take a bottle 😭😭😭

YALLLLLLLL

I’m bout to have afternoon independence there’s too many options of things to do!!!!!

How would you react after finding out through seeing old messages that when you were only just 2 months postpartum way partum your partner had been sleeping with an older woman that lived next door to his parents.

I feel so dirty despite it being so long ago I don’t actually know what I’m meant to do. I asked him if he told her he loved her because that’s usually a finishing line just before he 💦. I’m devastated as far as I’m aware it was a one time thing so he says and he was in a bit of a bad headspace but from the messages they went on for weeks he was hanging out with her drinking late at night she was married but seperated soon after and his messages to her stopped but he helped her move and would rush to help her. He’s not spoken to her in ages. And he said there’s been nobody else he’s only been with me but I’m so hurt and so angry. And really don’t know what I should do we’ve been so good over these last few months finally as he moved in yes it’s taken a while clearly as our little boy will be 3 towards the end of this year. And we’ve seen him daily just with work commitments he had to stay elsewhere but that’s changed now, do I just let it slide if I can I can’t physically bring myself to look at him just feel like I’ve been lied to for so long.

So angry..

I don't get along with my sister in law but we live in the same household.. which is my in-laws home. They always leave their kids at home and she tells them to not let my son in their room. So today my son just wanted to show them his costume and her son slammed the door on my son I heard him cry so I went. I knocked their door and I said he just wants to show his costume to you guys and he slammed the door in my FACE. and I hate that he sneaks in and tries to be in my room but he doesn't let my son be in theirs. Just yesterday my son told him get out and he has the audacity to tell my son "get out" while he was inside OUR ROOM.