Need advice

I’m not sure what to do anymore.
My son’s dad is just making my life a nightmare. My son and I live at my apartment and his dad lives with his mom and grandma.
Well my son’s dad isn’t working. He actually isn’t doing anything with his life at the moment.
He’s supposed to be the one helping me but that isn’t working out.
My son isn’t allowed to go to his dad’s house alone because I don’t trust him to watch our boy alone. Yes he has family but they don’t always have my son. My son is special needs, almost 4 yrs old, non verbal.

Well I get SSI and food benefits from the state. Basically my son’s dad thinks I need to provide them food at his house. I’m already struggling with gas. Something my ex cannot help with. He can’t help with nothing since he’s not working.
Then on top of all that my son’s dad is a man child, a real Peter Pan. So he throws tantrums and all that yelling. So emotional abuse too.
Now I tell this guy we are done. Shit I been moved out over a year now. He tells me we’re not done and he continues to do this cycle to me then the coercin is bad too. Sex, almost everything is abusive.

Now I understand I have to communicate with him but how in the hell can I convince him we are NOT together. He just doesn’t get it, I’ve even translated my sentences to a variety of different languages.

I’m not sure how I can prove to him that he’s not my problem anymore?
Also no, I don’t want to go with my son to his dads, I want to work on myself and be with someone else one day.

How can I escape him with the bare minimum communication?

in our community

It’s SO annoying when my husband goes to the store or something on his way home from work thinking he’s doing me a favor but doesn’t ask what we need, now you just wasted time because we still need butter or milk or diapers etc.. 😅 and

Also I had to entertain 3 kids during family “rush hour” like from 530-630 by myself when you could’ve been here. I tried to tell my husband this the other day and he was like well my bad! But then the next day when I went to the grocery store he made a slick remark like “oh you didn’t ask ME what I need from the store” and I’m like excuse me buddy!? I didn’t know you had plans to cook dinner or had a running tab of laundry and dish detergent and diapers and wipes?? Oh you don’t, THATS RIGHT HUSH UP

Irritating people on here

I find people on here really irritating sometimes. When people ask questions and the replies are from people who have no experience with it but comment with judgement. Examples

How long did you co sleep for?
Comments - never
Another comment - never did I prefer spending time with my husband

Screen time parents - How do you navigate screen time whilst working from home with no childcare

Comments - don’t allow screen time they should be able to play without it.
Don’t let them watch educational programs as they aren’t actually educating them it’s just lazy parenting.

If someone asks for advice from people who do the same thing, don’t comment if it’s not something you personally do. Formula help, then breast feeding mums comment ‘can’t help as I only breastfeed’ ok so keep it moving.

I’m so done…

I feel like my partner doesn’t give a shit any more. I don’t think he loves me anymore.
He had to work today and was gone all day (I appreciate that he had a long and hard day but I bet he was able to go toilet on his own…) he got home just as I was putting our 15m old to bed ( dad reads bedtime stories ) but of course LO got very excited when he saw his dad and didn’t want to go to sleep. When he finished the bedtime story he left to go downstairs and LO had a meltdown. I tried to get him to sleep for about an hour. In that hour my partner decided it was a good idea to go outside and sit on the grass with our dog (bedroom windows are open due to the heat…) and of course the two times I almost had LO asleep the dog goes on a bark session. I messaged him in a fury to shut the dog up… he replied with a condescending “please”… which just made my blood boil. I messaged him (while still trying to get LO to sleep) saying LO is still up and explained how the dog ruined it twice and that I am fed up and mosquitoes are biting me because I have not been able to shower since yesterday morning… he went on telling me that it was only twice and he stopped him as quick as he could and that he is also sweaty…
I felt like he was just dismissing me. So when LO was finally asleep I went downstairs to clear up (partner is having a shower) he comes out and tells me he can do the clearing up but it’s half arsed so I just continue. I then tried to talk to him about how it made me feel angry that he didn’t think that maybe it would be a better idea to keep the dog inside where he won’t bark but he just told me that I need to relax and stop having a go at the dog and him… I tried to explain how hurt I was and I got really upset but he just kept watching tv like he was angry at me and I was the bitch… so I left and came upstairs and right now I’m crying in our bedroom in the dark while writing this… I don’t know what to do. Every time I bring up something that makes me feel crap he either goes on the defensive and denies it or says it’s not like that or tells me how I’m the problem and how I need to just relax.

Venting

I just hate my life right now and I feel so guilty about it.

I have a perfect little 6 week old baby girl. I also have an amazing 3 year old son.

But I just can't face being with either of them for any length of time, it feels like too much.

I find myself wishing my newborn would just nap all day, and wishing it was bedtime for my son.

I just wish the time away constantly because I get no time to myself. I don't get any time to relax, to do any hobbies, to watch TV.

Even if I do get a small stretch of time to do any of these things (usually in the evening after 3yo is in bed and newborn is napping) I'm still feeling so uptight because my baby could wake at any moment and then the cycle starts of trying to feed her, burp her, and keep her happy until she falls back asleep again, and getting her back to sleep is just getting harder and harder.

I just want to leave the house. Its nearly midnight and I haven't been out today, I haven't left the house properly for days now. I feel so claustrophobic.

My husband helps me immensely, he takes them both every morning so I can sleep until noon because I don't sleep at night. At all. Not a single minute. So I sleep from 6am - 12pm instead. He is so good with the kids, he doesn't need asked to do things for them like some dad's do, I know its bare minimum but I do feel lucky.

He's not at work at the moment so it's the 4 of us all day every day and I should be so grateful but I still just feel so overwhelmed and sad. I just want him to take the kids so I can run away. But I don't want to run away permanently. Idk, I just don't feel happy when I know I should be. I should be so happy, I have it so easy with my husband being off work, I know. But it doesn't feel like I get any more time to myself. I'm always needed for something and always managing something in the house.

porn sites

my husband watches porn because sex became too painful 5 months into pregnancy. I discovered that one day and confronted him and told him that I didn’t like it and it made me feel insecure and uncomfortable, but I also want him to get stress relief out as I would want the same respect so I moved on from it and learned to be OK that he watches porn but the other day I saw the website chatturbate which is live cam girls where you can interact with them and send them tips. I saw it on his phone and his searches where it shows up frequently visited sites and I confronted him and he told me that he didn’t do that. He would never pay for porn and you have to pay for it to really enjoy it and that he has no reason to lie to me, but I don’t believe him because I also caught him lying about something else and I just wanna know if my feelings of being uncomfortable that he watches porn are valid not and if I’m being stupid by believe him because I really don’t believe him, but I also think you need to pick your battles but I think if he’s on chaturbate that’s cheating
thoughts???

Paternity test ruined our day

So am I the bad guy here? My husband has always questioned the paternity of one of our children (I know he's the father) but we never had the kids tested because we never have any money. I found a few tests on Amazon and bought one for each kid, which he wanted I thought but I bought them and let him know he was upset that we spent the money. We'll he's gone during the week for work so Saturday morning started out great, we had sex showered and started cooking breakfast together with the kids. Then I decided to start the test process and swabbed the kids checks before breakfast. This is when things go south. He started yelling at me to put the tests away. He went full meltdown and we had a shit day and he blamed me all day. Apparently he wanted to I talk before hand and come up with a plan, to do it together before bed and he had n explanation for the kids questions. But they didn't even ask any questions it was no big deal. So am I the asshole for "springing it on him" not planning it with him, or doing it his way, or is he over reacting to something HE wanted