Over reacting?
So we were at my partners mums yesterday with our 2.5 year old and I am 38 weeks pregnant with our second. My partner and I struggled to come to terms with the second pregnancy and have had very in depth discussions about how we both definitely do not want any more children, we want to be able to maintain our lifestyle and feel that two is more than enough for us. I had a traumatic birth with my first (hopefully I won’t this time) and my partner is adamant he wants to get the snip. For context he is 24 and I am 30, so there is a gap but we’ve never really seen this as an issue. Obviously I know that is young for that procedure; but this isn’t something I’ve pushed him into or made him want to do, he keeps telling me he wants to. He mentioned it at his mums yesterday and she blew up, and started saying “you go on the coil, MY son isn’t having that done and if he is, I won’t talk to him ever again and you should be talking him out of it” and then she said “you might not even be with HER in a few years, you might meet someone else and they might want kids” so I said, oh that’s nice, and his sister said “true though” and while I get the concept, I felt so hurt and uncomfortable, I’m literally about to have his second child, obviously already feeling vulnerable and then comments like that. We then went to the park with his sister and our children and I told my partner I felt hurt by the comments; his sister said aggressively “what you saying” so I said I just didn’t like that comment” so she stormed off saying come and say it to my mums face, to which I said I haven’t said anything negative, and I’m not going to act in such a way infront of my son, so we continued to the park. Anyway, I don’t know if it’s hormones but I thought I’d feel better after I woke up and I don’t, I feel emotionally numb and can’t get the comment out of my head. It’s made me feel like some kind of temporary fixture, when I’d never want that to be the case.
Also, I just want to add that there are people in the world who know they never ever want kids and that’s their choice, you wouldn’t follow them around telling them they’re wrong would you? Surly we should be building a life based on how we feel as a couple and not what could or couldn’t happen or what would be the point in anything?
Am I overreacting?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Thats awful, im so sorry you had to go through it. I hope your partner suports you and talks to his family. I wouldnt even bring it up to them, he can deal with his family. It’s also a him procedure so i don’t see why they involve you at all xx
This is a personal matter between you and your partner.
I feel in this situation I would genuinely have nothing to do with his mom and sister again. They should be supporting you as a couple and encouraging a healthy, strong relationship, not throwing in future "whats ifs".
You're not overreacting. I hope your partner had your back.
Sounds like a reminder to us all to not discuss reproductive choices with family members! It's weird for them to be so passionate and rude and also to blame you, but I do agree that 24 is very young to get it done. So maybe they're extremely surprised and upset and this has caused such an over reaction. If you generally have a good relationship with them and they're nice people I would wait a few days for the dust to settle then your partner can go and talk to them again. Also I'll add people absolutely tell childless people they're wrong to not want kids all the time. While I was TTC and people asked me about kids I would say I was on the fence rather than talk about it and people would absolutely tell me that I would be making a huge mistake if I had no kids. Without knowing I was actually desperately trying to have them. Acquaintances as well. People are weird about other people's reproduction.
Edit to add- and they should apologise to you!!!
Your partner’s family sound like a bunch of thuggish chavs 🤮 Imagine trying to square up to a heavily pregnant woman 😵💫
Why are you bothering with maintaining a relationship with them if your own partner doesn’t like them? Stop being a martyr and find your self-respect! If you let people walk all over you, they will. Stop visiting/calling/texting them. If your partner wants to see them, he can. But you need to set your boundaries clearly. You will not be spoken to like that or treated as such.
His family have shown you how they truly feel about you and your relationship, I’m so sorry you had to hear that and you don’t deserve it. They are assholes.
Sorry but, I'm feeling what his mum is saying...he's young and what if your relationship doesn't work out and he finds someone else to have kids too.
I mean if you're done having kids then then you go get your tubes tied. Why is it him that has to get the snip? He's way younger than you
If you're not married why make such a commitment for him to get the snip.
Download the Peanut App
