How are you doing it all?

My husband is not happy with our sexlife. I don't do it enough and don't do porn star performance.
I try to pour into myself regularly, skincare, hair, light makeup, dressing up, gym and dance classes.
He listed these things out like they were a problem. I'll ask him to watch the kids so I can xyz. Gym and dance classes are normally after I put the kids to bed but thats when he wants my time and attention.
He literally argued for an hour last night. He's done this 3 times, always late into the night when im not in the head space and super tired. By the time he finished his point and calmed down, I believe it was 3 am. And we didnt go to bed until 5 am. He wanted sex, I participated and performed it was enjoyable at first but then it got annoying. I was tired and these days sleep always sounds better than sex he just took so long to finish I was actually getting pissed off.
Today I woke up, I threw on jeans and a tshirt. Basic moisturizer and sunscreen no makeup and clipped my hair back. I wanted to cry. Im worried he's gonna keep complaining about my hobbies and I'll end up quitting to keep the peace.
I'm not perfect, dishes and laundry pile up, the hoise isnt always presentable and food isnt always done sometimes he comes home from work to cook and clean. He feels like hes always helping me with my job but no one is there to help him do his.
I have an appointment next month hoping the Dr can give me something to improve mood and productivity.

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I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Please keep your hobbies, it’s so important for you to have individuality after becoming a mom and so what if he comes home to cook and clean? It’s his home too and he should be an equal partner. If you’re a SAHM you’re full time just like he is. You both have jobs but yours never ends. The dishes and the laundry will slow down one day. Maybe you guys can try meal prepping together? In case you’re both too tired to cook. If you guys gotta leave the dishes and laundry alone for a day or two to get some quality time together (not necessarily sex) then I think that’s okay. I don’t have a dish washer or a washer and dryer in my apartment so everything has to be done by hand or at a laundromat ☹️ it’s so hard and honestly most days I usually fall asleep with my daughter at bedtime. But your partner is your equal and he shouldn’t be complaining about chores that he contributes too. I’m so sorry and I hope you guys can come to a middle ground here

You sound like your living in a nightmare ngl

That’s not love. Sure, his feelings matter but at the expense of yours? No. Also, to answer the question, I work full time and I’m chronically burnt out 24/7. One day at a time over here lol oh and Prozac .

This sounds really controlling to me, you deserve time to yourself without him punishing you for it and making you stay awake debating it until 5am

let him do the porn star performance and do NOT quit your hobbies just to please him.

awh, I'm really sorry that's happening to you, I'm in the other side of the boat where I refuse to have sex just to appease him cause I have a lot of trauma and now he doesn't have any patience for the things that never bothered him about me before...its really heartbreaking feeling like their physical "needs" are more important than our emotional safety...sending you love sweetheart. I hope you do some good self care today 🩷 you deserve better.

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