Baby feeding all night

Please help I'm so so broken from this, my little girl has always been a terrible sleeper, I mean not settling until 3am bad for about 7 months, with bad silent reflux. This has created a dependency on just me and breastfeeding back to sleep. I have always delt with all the nights as my partner deals with the toddler, which has exasserbated this co dependency. If someone else tries to settle her she will melt down for up to 3 hours, we have tried!
I'm at a complete loss as to what to do, currently she is on off the boob all night constantly and sometimes doesn't resettle for hours. I'm unable to function day to day.
I don't know how to slowly phase out the sleep association, as any gentle attempt causes her severe distress, she ends up shaking in fear.
My mindset was I was happy to feed back to sleep as I understand the benefits in that, but not at the cost of my own mental wellbeing and quality of life. I feel it is now affecting my patience and my quality of parenting in the day to both my children.
Help, advice, past experiences anyone!?

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I have no advice but I send you good luck and love as I know how hard it is to be so exhausted xx

You have all my solidarity, my baby and I cosleep and the only way he falls asleep with me is on the boob. He feeds all night if he's sick or teething or agitated (and still very often if not...). The only thing that's helping is unlatching him earlier each time. I let him feed until drowsy, then unlatch him and let him fall asleep on his own. He seems to get better at self settling now, instead of staying latched on while asleep. If all else fails, I prop my pillows up and lay him on my chest and we sleep a bit like that. But yeah, I don't remember what a decent night of sleep looks like anymore.

I think you will have to accept that night weaning will cause some amount of upset and persevere through it. Remember that it will be a significant loss for her, the first loss she'll experience in her life. Being sad or distressed about it isn't in itself bad, and a gentle approach isn't about avoiding emotions (that would be gentle only for you, not her) it's supporting her through them.

I recommend listening to Emma Pickett's podcast, Makes Milk xx

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