Mourning my old life
I’m a ftm with a 2 week old boy. I love him so much and can’t wait to have more babies but I can’t help but mourn my old life with my partner. I feel like I have baby blues but not related to baby stuff (I don’t mind all the stuff that come with raising my baby), but I feel like I’m grieving the freedom I had in my old life. I miss my partner and the relationship we used to have. I miss being able to go to the gym whenever I wanted or walk the dogs whenever or eat whenever. I miss going to sleep with my partner (we have different bed times now) and I miss doing my evening routine with him (he does the evening shift so I don’t see him then). I feel like I’ve ruined his life bc he doesn’t really have a girlfriend anymore. I’m too busy with the baby to prioritise him. Also bc I’m exclusively breastfeeding, this baby is attached at my hip. I baby wear him all day and I’m the one who feeds him and changes him. I feel like I’m no longer me. I’m me and baby. I feel sorry for my partner that he doesn’t have access to just me anymore. I miss him so much.
Does this even make sense? Does anyone else feel this way? Will it pass? When?
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This is normal! And me and my husband miss each other too all the time, even tho the baby isn’t super attached and we get some free time at home. But this phase doesn’t last forever, as they get older your children get more independent and you slowly get your own independence back. You’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you guys, truly.
You will get routine and to go to the gym and spend time with your partner and walk the dogs and go out again. All of this is temporary. You baby is still a new born, with in a year the will likely be walking, 2 years walking and speaking sentences, feeding themselves, wanting to dress him/her self. With in years they will probably be in Nursery during the day or you could send them so that you can have some time to yourself. Soon they will start school you will get 8hrs away a day by then (or however long school days are in the UK). You can find baby sitter or family members for date night or even take baby to date night, outings, walks with the dogs etc. Baby will sleep in their own room or Atleast their own bed (hopefully). It all so temporary. As far as your boyfriend just remember to prioritize intimacy, not just sex but spending time, maybe watching a movie, eating dinner together etc. It all will pass mama you are in the very beginning.
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