Who has an Au pair?

Hi Mamas,

Our baby is due very soon, and although I’m trying to focus on enjoying these last few weeks, I can’t help thinking ahead to what we’ll do when I return to work in a year’s time.

We’ve been looking at nursery and childminder costs and trying to work out what would fit around our work schedules. My partner is a firefighter working a 4-on, 4-off shift pattern (including nights), and I work full-time, so finding the right childcare solution feels a bit complicated.

One option we’ve been considering is an au pair. I actually worked as an au pair myself when I first moved to London 13 years ago, so I have really fond memories of the experience and the families loved me and treated me like a family member.

For those of you who have had an au pair:

* Would you recommend it?
* What has your experience been like?
* How much pocket money do you pay?
* Is around £150 per week realistic these days?
* What are the hidden costs or challenges that people don’t always think about?

We haven’t bought our next home yet, but we’re planning to move to a 3-bedroom house so there would be a dedicated room for them.

Donald me any question to understand our situation better!

Thank you ✨

in our community

Kissing baby

Ever since my son was born, myself and my partner have made it very clear to everyone that there’s absolutely no one who’s allowed to kiss him. Most people are really respectful of this but we have one family member who is continuously doing it, even when we’ve repeatedly asked them not to. It makes me incredibly anxious, especially as the last two times it’s happened, my baby has ended up with a sniffle (but of course I can’t know for sure if that’s just coincidence or not). We’ve asked nicely, we’ve reiterated our boundaries multiple times and we’ve even taken our baby away from the family member when it’s happened but every time we’re in their company it happens again. Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated as apart from stop all contact, I don’t know what else to do but it isn’t helping my mindset at all

Child Sexual abuse *trigger warning

So my one fucking fear came true! I feel sooo mad at myself and mad at the situation and gutted in general.
We had another family over to our house (we never host people but weve known them along time and they had visited us once on vacation and the boys played well in the pool).
My son is 4 and the boy is *update*15 turning 16 . I found out in 10 minutes that they were in a playroom together before i realized and his sister went downstairs to check on them. I have a camera outside the room and saw them come out adjusting their pants. It looked suspicious but ive been told i am paranoid about this stuff so kept it at theback of my mind. I noticed my son toucing his penis more that evening. I went to bed and couldnt stop thinking about it. Today we noticed him retract his penis and my husband said what you doing (not something he normally does) etc we asked a few questions and he said the boys name touched it and he licked the boys penis. I am dying inside!! I have feared this happening. Ive had conversations about no one touching your body and private parts etc but I knew he didnt fully grasp and also in a situation with a friend feels alot different 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ i donno what I want out of this post other than that I am beside myself. We’ve called the family and they are going to call back they were very sorry and shocked too. I am sooo mad I let this happen. I put my son in the hands of someone to take advantage in our own house 😩 now I am like this opens so many doors for future abuse and for him to even be an abuser without even fully grasping it. It feels fucking so gut wrenching. I am a fully time mom. My sons never been watched by a grandma, relative, daycare etc. ive been so ontop of things i thought and I still failed!! In 10 minutes 😩

Night-time anxiety

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but does anyone else get super anxious when it's about to message night time? I am super fortunate that my husband has a few weeks off on paternity leave with us, but we also have a toddler and we are currently dividing and conquering, so I am mainly on the newborn duties (easier as I am breastfeeding) and he is on toddler duties, but it means that overnight it just feels like it's me and this tiny helpless newborn and like I am totally alone. Realistically I am not, if I woke my husband up for help that would be no problem at all, but it all feels very lonely at night for some reason!

All I ask for is 5 mins to go to the washroom in peace

I don't want the door to be opened by my 3 yo asking where xyz dino or cars are
I don't want my baby crying because I left the room
I don't want the dog scratching at the door because I closed the door
I don't want my husband calling me on the phone because one of the kids is crying

Is it bad if I mostly stay at home?

I spend most of my time at home with my toddler because there is endless cleaning/cooking to do and I am genuinely drained with the mental load of running the household. I aim to go out every other day for a small picnic or at the very least a walk, but mostly on weekends for everyone to socialize since my partner is there to help and we are able to have family time. I do not have any external help so even if i am sick its just me having to push through. My husband does not understand. He often compares his work to mine and says I am lucky I get to be home. I think he does not realize how much I do. No child comes with a manual, so what are we doing?

Useless husband even 8-months postpartum!!!

My husband is useless. He doesn’t hold the baby. Doesn’t dress the baby. Doesn’t change the baby’s nappy. Doesn’t do the dishwasher. Leaves his dirty dishes everywhere. Leaves laundry on the floor. Doesn’t get her down for nap. Doesn’t sit at high chair with her for mealtimes. Doesn’t listen to me when I say she needs a nap or a feed - doesn’t trust my mothers’ instinct. Doesn’t do bath time.
This is driving me crazy and is making me find him sooooo unattractive!!!!!
Does anyone else have this???!!!!!