AITAH ?

My step son is autistic nonverbal. He stays with us every weekend. I got into an argument with my husband tonight and I don't know if posting here what happened is just seeking validation but I want to avoid it being too biased toward my perspective so I'll try to just stick to what was said rather than how I felt about it for now.

My SS had come over and went straight into a quiet room to be by himself, so I didn't see him until after I'd finished putting our little ones to bed. When I came down I'm talking to my husband and my SS is sitting on the sofa next to our baby in the bassinet. As I go to look at the baby sleeping my husband says "say hello to SS". So I turn and acknowledge him in sign language. Then my husband follows up with "ask him how his day was, what's he been up to, have a chat with him". I look at my SS again and smile but I don't know much sign language and I know my SS doesn't know enough to even answer that in sign, so instead I got short with my husband and said "I don't need to be told how to talk to SS". After a brief argument and a cooling off period my husband came in and said "it may have been the wrong way to try to communicate it but I'm just letting you know what I'm seeing". I say "I could see what was being implied and I'm hearing you but I'd appreciate if you discussed that with me privately instead of bringing it up in front of him.

Later after I got a little more off my chest about it, he talked about what's been stressful for him these passed weeks but never brought up any issue he'd been having with my communication style with his son.

I know I've been a bit wrapped up in myself lately with having a new baby and all, and honestly, I do find it difficult to communicate with my SS sometimes, with the limited language we share. It's taken me a while to accept that our relationship won't look like what he has with other members of our family and I tell myself to comfort myself that being pleasant around him with smiles and by playing music, giving him a drink when he asks, just being accommodating and kind without trying too hard to converse like I would with others, that that's actually good enough for him and maybe even more pleasing to him because I'm not putting pressure on him to actually try to speak to me - which he doesn't do with anybody so I don't expect I'd be the one to break the code.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, I i feel like my husband thinks I'm rejecting his son or something. But he wouldn't get into that with me when we finally sat down to talk. I know my reaction looks bad, so if you were his dad, what would you think?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I UNDERSTAND BOTH OF YALLS SIDE BUT YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE COMMUNICATION IS LIMITED AND THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO INTERACT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE.
ALSO MAYBE Y'ALL CAN LEARN TOGETHER??
I'M AUTISTIC WITH TWO AUTISTIC BABIES THEY ARE PRETTY SMART

As a mother to an autistic non speaking child, please try to learn more. They understand more than you think 🥺

I see both sides here but sometimes I’m in your husband’s shoes and have to tell my husband to communicate with our son more so I get it. I think from his perspective, by telling you to say hello in front of the son, that’s him advocating for his son and letting his son know it.
It sounds like the son isn’t likely going to initiate saying hello to you, but he’s aware of his surroundings and for all anyone knows might still find it hurtful if you don’t greet him.
Idk, just sharing from my perspective of having a nonspeaking child. I always worry what he might think since he cant speak up and say so.

My youngest barely talks. We mostly communicate via ASL/sign. She also doesn't sign much, but she's always watching. I highly suggest learning more sign! Even though she hardly signs back I find that when I'm signing to her consistently, she seems "happier." I think that'll help with everything (: it's important to try to learn someone else's language, even if they're limited in communication themselves! good luck! (:

in our community

Nursery fee refund

So our nursery is closing due to the heat which is fair enough but are we entitled to our fees back? I get they have no control over the weather but the way I look at it I’m self employed and I can’t charge my clients for not coming in for it being too hot so I’m going to be losing a weeks wages to look after little one 😅

What would you do in this situation? (UK)

My mum told me that her neighbour looks after her granddaughter sometimes, and she can hear her neighbour screaming and shouting at the granddaughter constantly, so loud that she can hear her through the wall.

She says she doesn't want to say anything or get anyone else involved because she needs to live there next to her and doesn't want any trouble, so she just turns the TV up all the way to drown out the noise.

Part of me understands why she wouldn't want to get involved, but also if its as bad as she says, and that constant too, perhaps its worth investigating? (She says it's every time she is looking after the little girl, like several times a week. She doesn't know how old the girl is but guesses maybe 3 or 4 years old)

I'm not really sure what is the done thing in this situation? Would you mention it to the neighbour? Would you call someone? Who? Would you just ignore it as its none of your business?

Introducing purées

My son is 3 months old and I’m on the fence about following what my parents and grandparents say I should be doing like adding baby cereal to his bottles and I don’t know if I should start that while on the other hand my baby does bring his hands to his mouth but isn’t sitting up on his own and does have good head and neck control. What is y’all’s stance?

Not reaching for toys

My baby is 3 months old and has no interest in reaching for toys
Open to any suggestions or even toy suggestions
I don’t know if it’s still too early and I shouldn’t be worried
I just don’t want him to fall behind in learning skills

Am I in the wrong?

So I’m very possessive when it comes to my son who is 19 months old. I mostly stay at my mums during the day and then come home for the night as I live 2 doors away from my mum.

My sister comes over at times but she does live around 15-20 mins away 2 doorss away from my mum lives my relatives they even know my son and me be at my mums most of the times. Anyways long story short they called my niece to go play at their garden with their 2 nephews but didn’t ask my son to am I wrong to get angry over that. Without thinking I had a go at them saying why they singled my son out but I think I did too much …

Weaning

I’ve started to wean my baby he’s 17 weeks & 5 days
We have done rusk and milk he’s got bored so today we did try little bit of Aldi apple carrot and parsnip which he loves and 4months+ so I’ve done a little at lunch time and little at dinner time so not overly too much. Have people starting doing it and what are they using etc what times please I’m stuck on the when we go out of what todo!
I know some people will hate me to starting early but I’m his mum please no negativity