Being a working mom with a SAHD husband is really lonely

I work full time as a nanny (so taking care of children very close in age with my son) while my husband left his culinary career to be a SAHD when we got priced out of childcare only a few months after starting.

SAHM refuse to allow my husband into their special girls only clubs and we cant find any other SAHD in our area so he's completely alone.

I have found mostly moms that judge me for working instead of him, judge me for being a nanny instead of caring for my own son during the day, or get annoyed at my parenting deciscions because I diddnt exclusively breastfeed and contact nap and bedshare.

The working moms all have office jobs so its hard to relate, I have found very little success meeting other blue collar moms in my area, and if one more SAHM tells me they couldn't imagine leaving their baby to take care of someone else's baby all day im going to scream.

Is there ANYONE who can relate, even a little bit?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

They can all go choke on their words. Like you said, they can't relate. It's only you, who's in the situation, knows what it's like and what is best.

I also look after others kids when mine are in nursery.
That doesn't make anyone a bad mom.
People don't exclusively breastfeed or contact nap for so many reasons and if others want to use that as a reason to judge other mums that are clearly doing what's working best in their situation, then they are the problem and their mentality needs fixing.

The only thing is for you to find something for daddy to engage in. In my region, there are family and children centres around and dads can always go there and participate in every activity. See if there's anything he can involve baby with around. Even soft plays and all. There is always another dad to meet in such places.
And I believe there are dad apps like this peanut one he can start with?
Everyone will be fine. Just do what's best for you all.

Working mom and SAHD situation. He’s found a pretty good social group who we both do playdates with, but I still feel so sad sometimes. Not even judged necessarily but it’s a hard dynamic. Husband’s starting school in the fall part time and we still have to pay for full time daycare. He’s trying to find a part time job but struggles with job hunting which throws a whole other host of pressure and emotions on me to take on an added expense

Our kiddos look to be about the same age. Feel free to reach out. I also didn’t breastfeed (pumped but never made enough and quit when I went back to work for my mental health).

Why would your hubby want to be part of a women’s group? He should start a stay at home dads club!

I don’t think anyone’s judgement for your lifestyle is fair, it’s your life and you make the rules.

Just brush them off and do your best to create your own community 💕

in our community

Would you be mad 🤬

My boy is 1 next week and I was wanting to take him for his first hair cut this weekend with his dad.
Mil looked after him yesterday while we were at work and she has cut his hair herself!!!
I was not asked if this would be ok, nor was I told it had been done afterwards.
I think she thought I wouldn’t notice.
There are a lot of trust issues with her not telling me what he eats / drinks while he’s in her care and it just feels like she’s constantly trying to spite me!

I think his mum and dad should have been there for his first ever hair cut and she has taken that from us.

Anyone else experienced this?

Me and my partner got together when my son was 4 and he’s now 9, my son in my eyes is a typical average boy, won’t speak to us when he’s tired, coming across moody and is always slightly off when he comes back from his dad. But he’s like it with both me and my partner, however my partner gets shitty over it but with me, like today my son came back from his dad before school and wasn’t very talkative or said bye when my partner went to work and when he walked out the door he scarcely said “bye, have a good day” and said he doesn’t know why he wastes his breath.
I’m close to breaking point, either to cry or scream. I don’t take offence to how my son is, he’s always been off coming back from his dad and he’s been going over every Tuesday since 9 month old so I guess I’m use to it, I just don’t know what to do

My mannnn

I’m sorry yall but I just love my man so much. I feel like no one ever posts about how good their man is. Obviously I’m very fortunate to have a great guy in my life as that isn’t the case for everyone but,, I know not everyone’s man is all bad. I just think he is so perfect. I have a daughter of my own and I’m due with our son in 4 weeks and I’m just so excited for him. He’s so amazing with his baby cousins and he is just looking forward to being a boy dad. He’s already an amazing father. He’s always going out of his way to take care of me whether it’s helping me out the bath, shaving my legs for me since it is a lot to bend down, cooking when he can tell I’m not feeling the best, running to the gas station even at 2-3am when we don’t have something I’m craving, etc. I just feel so fortunate and I wish more moms would post positive appreciation for their man. I mean he’s a hard worker and yet he is insisting on doing nights when the baby is here so that I can get my sleep. I don’t think we ever fight about anything and if we do “fight” it just becomes a joke cause we realize we have nothing to ever disagree over. Ugh he’s just so cute and loving and amazing and I can’t say enough about him. That’s all. I just wanted to talk about him cause he is sleeping like a lil baby next to me wanting his bag rubbed with my nails and I can’t aggressively squeeze his cheeks (any of them). I got most of it now 🥰❤️

Day out in the heatwave

Today’s my mums birthday we kinda said it would be nice to go to one of the national trust properties near our home. It’s got a play area and loads places to sit with a picnic blanket. But it’s still very very hot. Do you think it’s silly to take my almost two year old out for the day??? Obviously we’d have lots of sun screen, water pack up lunch and the pram for naps. But I’m still wondering if I’m bonkers to do it.

Nurseries closing (UK based) but still having to pay!

Would love to know some thoughts because I’m torn on it. Don’t want my little one put at risk in an unsafe environment but also why aren’t we better equipped within the nursery settings? We’ve had enough heatwaves in the UK now to know. Thoughts?

Why?

Am I the only one who gets frustrated when relatives (male) are dismissive of postpartum struggles or try to act like they have the same struggles as women. I'm not saying they don't have any, sleep deprivation all of a sudden, emotional impact from bonding or struggling to bond with child, financial load etc. I'm not ignoring those. But when talking in messages with my dad (had 4 kids). He moaned about waking at 2am and up at 6am in this heat...I wrote back how my LO was up at 9pm/12am/3am/630, 3 of those for feeds (BF). His response "yes, it's hard work, i was one of those soldiers". Errr, tell me sir when you started breastfeeding. Maybe you were up helping with changes etc (sure my mum would say different, not an amicable separation). But you are not physically feeding multiple times in the night and day. My hubby is great he'll get up and grab baby so I can wap me tit out and dream feed without stirring him. But once his head hits that pillow he's out for the count. Where it takes me time to turn my brain off if I wake to much in-between feeds. I just can help be irked that my dad's trying to be all relatable, when I don't think my parents had healthy communication as is. He also worked 12hr shifts so how much was he there in the early days? I obviously don't know. But the pressure on mums day in day out shouldn't be popped in the same boat i don't think. Any ways😂..Just a rant!