Am I Overreacting?
so my father in law came around today he constantly tries to give us parenting advice when he wasn’t around for at least 10 years.. clearly, he has no idea what he’s on about so after about a 20 minute rant on how to parent, we were talking about how im getting induced on tuesday and he asked me if i was excited to have my “old body finally back” to which i replied with “sorry?” and he said “most women are excited to get their body back, we’ll not exactly as they’ve gained weight and have definitely changed, so are you excited??” to which i just looked at my fiancé and uncomfortably laughed it off as i wouldn’t even expect my own mother to say something like that..
then as he was leaving he was talking to my fiancé and he said “women take over everything, you just have to sit back and let them do it or there will be a problem” it wasn’t aimed at me i don’t think but i do think what he has said is awfully rude.
he’s quite a large man and has diabetes, i never comment on it, he’s mentioned loosing weight and i’ve never said “and how are you going to feel being slimmer” it’s just odd to me how you could say that to anyone.
i don’t want him around me during postpartum now as it’s clear what type of human being he is, god knows what he’s commenting on next!!
i’m also mad at my fiancé for not saying anything whilst i was clearly uncomfortable with his fathers comment.
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While I find the comment gross and inappropriate, as an isolated incident I don't think it's a reason to cut someone off. A lot of women do say they can't wait to have their body back post pregnancy and many do fixate on how to get back to "normal" after birth. It's wrong of him to generalise and it's weird to ask but it sounds to me like it could be one of those weird comments from a different generation who don't really know better. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be addressed, maybe your fiance could talk to him about it. You should definitely talk to your partner about the lack of support, he was probably surprised and didn't know what to say either but you could discuss ways in which he could intervene if anything came up again and that he needs to speak up for you. Who you want around you postpartum should be your choice, I understand the way you feel, I'd talk to your partner about what that looks like. Are we talking for the first few weeks, months, forever? And will your fiance be supportive of that?
It sounds like it's time to sit down with your fiancé and try to get on the same page about exactly how postpartum will be. Is he being supportive with no visitors at the hospital? Is he ready to step up to do everything physically possible to help you recover after the birth?
Will his dad even know exactly when everyone meets the baby? Particularly if he's only a few days later. Could a compromise be made where finance invites him when you're settled but insists no comments on your physical appearance will be tolerated?
It is a hard conversation to have with a family member particularly one he seems to have a strained relationship with so I understand why your partner doesn't want to, but he needs to try to understand that his priorities need to shift now. Otherwise he's going to spend his life as a parent being walked over by people who think they know better and it's going to strain his relationship with you if he doesn't give his unreserved support to you during an extremely vulnerable time.
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