first-time mama looking for someone who's been through this

How old is your baby?

I've never dealt with depression, but I can relate to getting carried away. There are times I've gotten up to lock the bedroom door (we co sleep) and even stand in the dark, turn on the balcony light to see if someone was there. There was no one. I'm in a safe area.
But even so, I think it's just that heightened sense of wanting to protect your kid.

I can't relate to these physical symptoms you're talking about.

Also, I bet your dr knows better, but I wouldn't take medicine like that.

One more thing. In the beginning stages of being a mom, I thought some weird stuff. It's normal, it's like an in built sense or urge to protect your kid. I'm not explaining it well, but you can look it up.

Hope this helps. This is the longest message I've ever sent on here

That sounds so scary and I’m so sorry you’re struggling with these feelings.

I’m still pregnant so I’m not commenting to relate my own personal experience, but I do work with people with mental illness and the sensation of bugs crawling on skin is actually a fairly common symptom of a sub-type of depression, in case that helps you feel less alone.

I’m glad you’ve been able to reach out and have the support of your psychiatrist. I would say that, while taking the medication is entirely your decision, if you decide not to, I’d make sure your Dr is aware of this decision in case this changes their treatment plan or there are more rigorous non-medicated options they’d discuss, or closer monitoring. It could be that the medication if you decide to try it helps you just get through this initial stage which sounds really scary. The heightened concerns for danger do sound “normal” in terms of that need to protect your newborn, but it sounds like they feel extreme to you.

All the best x

What your describing is a mixture of PPD and PPA. Don’t listen to the comment above that says not to take the meds. This sounds very serious and you need to take the meds to help get your mind under control. I had PPD after having my first and it felt very isolating. It felt like no one really knew what I was feeling and the sense of impending doom could be overwhelming. I’ve had many friends who have taken breastfeeding safe meds to help with PPD and PPA and have said it changed everything and was the best decision they made. Thank you for being strong enough to reach out to your doctor already. It shows your immense love for your sweet baby girl!

Long story short, you are not alone, take the meds, be there for your baby. 💕 You can do this!

It sounds like you’re struggling with PPA and PPD. I have similar symptoms. Please make sure you take your medication, it will only help you and baby ❤️ I hope you’re okay!!! Message me if you need to chat xx

I also had severe PPD and PPA, mine caused me to hyper fixate on the idea that my baby would die. If I was not holding him or looking at him I was fully convinced he’d die. I became so depressed and having panic attacks daily. My marriage was falling apart and I made several plans to end myself. I started taking Zoloft about 7 months ago and it’s been the solace I’ve needed for over a year! I can sleep again, eat, no more panic attacks or thoughts of suicide. It truly saved my life! Medications are there to help! Just try and see if it does! All love to you

This was not my experience but I had severe post partum anxiety and my mind would race, showing me horrible horrible things that could happen. I was scared to be alone with my own baby in case some emergency happened. Medication SAVED my experience. I am so grateful for the medication my doctor prescribed to help me be present with my brand new daughter and be the best version of myself for her. Please take care of yourself, for yourself AND your baby

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this! You’re brave to share this, thank you for opening up and seeking solace through others! My experience wasn’t as intense as yours seems to be but it was definitely overwhelming at times. I was diagnosed with PPD and PPA, but it got better as baby and I adjusted to each other. I didn’t hear, see or feel things that weren’t there, but my mind wandered so much it would make my heart race and I couldn’t sleep. I’d be up all night just staring at her and thinking of how to protect her. The biggest issue for me was my mind would tell me bad things were going to happen when I was turning corners holding her or driving with her. Images flashed in my head like they actually happened and my anxiety would sky rocket. I didn’t get on meds but I developed coping skills for those moments. Deep breathing, mantras for reminders, or just standing in the sun for a minute or two to reset. My heart goes out to you, I hope things better! Happy to talk if you ever need it

I let someone talk me out of taking antidepressants and it was a huge mistake. I was gaining weight, but I wish I had just stayed on them. They really did help me. As everyone else is saying, it is a terrifying thing you’re experiencing, but you’re definitely not alone. I think if you’re able to get some good sleep at night, it will definitely help. I had to have someone just sit up with me some nights so I could get some sleep.

Hey, so I’m sorry you’re going through that!! I actually experienced some similar things freshly postpartum. I was never diagnosed with anything and didn’t bring it up to the doctor, but I had extreme bouts of paranoia and was extremely anxious and depressed. It’s very hard. I will say that for me it did get better. I still struggle sometimes, but it is way better. How old is your little one? I think a lot of it for me felt like instinct almost. Like now, I’m the last line of defense. It’s not just my husband and I, but it’s now this new precious human I have to protect. So I think some of that is good and helpful, but it can swallow you up for sure. Feel free to message me if you’d like! It can be a really lonely place. ❤️❤️

I want to say it sounds like a mixture of PPD and PPP. Please reach out and message me because I'd like to share with you my experiences and how I resolved them. I went through a very similar situation. Sending you all my love 💙 xx

I really relate to this wow. The first 3 months of my daughter’s life I couldn’t sleep due to worrying about SIDS . If she slept past two hours I’d grab her shaking her thinking she had died . I used to hallucinate from lack of sleep and see people in the room and walk over to them and realise it was a shadow or an object . I thought I had lost my freedom . I would feel envy of people who got to visit us then leave and go back to their own life . I was extremely sleep deprived as she would be awake literally all night with me on a yoga ball bouncing her while she screamed . I would dress her super light even though she was a winter baby incase she overheated . I’d have panic attacks . It was just such a hard time like hardest of my life and I really regret not getting help. At 5 months things drastically improved but it’s honestly scarred me for life I’ll be so honest . I don’t relate to everything you said but a lot of it resonates . Sending so much love . It passes but get help !

I had something similar and was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis. It's good you're seeking professional help.