Would you leave or keep trying to work it out?
LONG POST - I've been married for 2 years and 8 months (been together for 9.5 years) and we have a 9 month old daughter. We went through a real rough patch around Xmas 2024 (drinking, being emotionally unavailable for 4+ years and it came to a head) and I was about to leave but found out i was pregnant. After loads of talking, we decided to work on things and life was great ... while I was pregnant and the first few weeks of having our daughter. Now he has just got worse over time and I'm debating leaving. Trouble is I don't want to hurt him or our daughter. Here are some of the things he's done in the last 6 or so months:
- regularly home later than he said he will be (sometimes by hours) and is uncontactable in this time
- drinks at least 1 beer a day
- almost all parenting falls to me .
- almost all housework falls to me
- he can ge quite pushy with sex (even though i have PTSD)
- if i tell him to stop shouting, he will whisper and vice versa
- i said no sex without a condom, he said they make him go soft but he led on top of me and kept pushing anyway (wasn't successful)
- always says i have an attitude
- I was up with our daughter for 2hrs in the night so asked if he could do her breakfast so I could get some sleep ... he complained he doesnt get a lie in even though he sleeps through the night. I told him I could see she has wet the bed on the monitor so he needed to get her (wet patch the size of her) but he said he was going to the bathroom first (which usually takes upwards of 20 minutes) so I ended up getting up. In my mind, he was happy to leave her lying in her own urine and what turned out to be poop too.
- ive suggested counselling but he refuses
- if i pull him up on anything, he'll say 'sorry im such a shit dad/husband, I'll just fuck off then' and turn the whole thing into me protecting his feelings, leaving me unheard.
- he didnt get me a 'happy birthday mummy' card or a gift from our daughter but did try to pass a book off after i questioned. His other gift were a pair of shoes which he left on the side for 2 weeks and just gave the unopened amazon package to me
There's definitely more but this is off the top of my head ... I've tried so much to fix things so don't know if this is stuff others would just deal with or if they'd go?
