Comments from MIL

id just say something like “i feel really distressed when she cries and i dont have her, can you hand her back to me please” and then do whatever TF you want because thats YOUR baby and you know YOUR baby

Out of line. You know your own baby better than anyone no matter what. Don’t be afraid to stick up for your daughter to anyone. Just tell her it’s time for her to eat, or you recognise her hungry cry, or just that you want to feed her period. You shouldn’t even have to explain it but I really don’t think it’s rude to literally just be the mother, it’s rude for her to tell a mother about her own baby though against her wishes.

MIL can be very challenging sometimes to say the least!
Depending on your MIL personality you could do

Please can you hand me my baby so I can feed her? If she says anything - then say ‘I’ve seen her putting her hands in mouth, routing, etc which is a sign she is hungry.

Or yeah she might not be but she often feeds for comfort, thirsty, etc as well.

Or thank you so much for holding her, I believe she is hungry so I’m going to feed her now.

Or more of a jokey way (I often did this as it felt easier) - she’s always hungry this one (insert laugh) the joys of cluster feeding. I feel like a portable milk machine sometimes.

Or just laugh and say I wish she only fed when she hungry .

Hope she eases off a little for you c

I think it can be as simple as 'Can I please feed her now?' and that's that. You make the schedules and the rules so if you say baby needs to eat, then baby eats. It is not rude or anything.

I would have a big think on the words you say and the way you phrase things, sounds like you’re wayyy too nice!
Once you realise that you don’t have to give other people reasons, excuses, or explanations you’ll notice how much time you actually spend doing it and how easy it makes it for people to ignore you!
You don’t have to be rude, but you don’t have to explain.
Sounds like it’s a common situation so think of some phrases you can say (even if it’s ’come to mama’ to baby and not even a word to her), phrases that don’t involve questions or explanations.
You don’t need a reason to hold or nurse your child, you don’t need to say ‘she’s hungry can I have her please?’, it’s not rude to tell (not ask!!) someone to give you your child.
The more you explain your thoughts and feelings and reasons the more you open yourself up to unsolicited advice and opinions.
Remember when someone gives their opinion you can acknowledge & ignore it without disputing it