Mortgage split

If you have a mortgage/own a property with your partner, how did you split the percentage of how much you each own?

Me and my partner are buying our first home together. His income is roughly 50k and mine 36k. The deposit will be paid completely from my partners savings. I can tell he feels sketchy and is refusing to legally note is as 50/50 share between us. He wants me to have 30% and he owns 70%. His reasons are that he’s putting down the entire deposit and has the higher income, and keeps saying ‘if anything happens between us’ but won’t specify more.

I have told him I want 50/50 but he doesn’t agree (even though he said if he was advising his children in this situation he would tell them to do 50/50).

The part reason I want 50/50 is that I think it’s fair and it’s a joint home both mine and his. Yes he earns more, but that’s because I’ve been the full time parent and can’t work the hours he does. Yes he is contributing the entire deposit which is a lot, but he also only has this much savings because I didn’t work for a few years after having our kids so I took full time care of our kids and was like his free childcare.

Also, for the last few years I have paid all of our rent with my own wages from work, which has allowed him to save as much as possible for ‘our future’ and this house.

BUT, he has said he would most likely pay all our monthly mortgage payment completely himself. So generally, he will be most likely paying a lot more than me in our new house so part of me has taken that into consideration and decided I would accept a 40% share and him 60%. He is still adamant to have a 70/30 split.

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It it was a brand new relationship and you’re buying a house together I’d understand his pov, but if the reason you can’t pay is because you’ve been providing free childcare all this time it should be 50/50.

This is nonsense. As the mother of his kids, he should be going into this with the mindset of what’s his is equally yours and that is more than fair. Anything less than 50/50 in this situation would be ridiculous.

So this is the exact story of my husband and I buying a home. Even to the me paying our rent for 3 years so he could save for the house. My husband/partner at the time, NEVER ONCE brought up how much I own of the home. So I’m already like, the audacity. I was immediately added as second and half owner etc. no questions.

This should be a partnership, not a contingency plan. Him thinking he needs to have power over the home finically, “just in case” would make me uncomfortable.

Are you married? When my husband and I bought our first house and I was still working (now a SAHM), He contributed WAY more to than down payment than me, he made a lot more than I did, and it was literally never a discussion of who’s money is who’s because we’re married and all of our income is now ours. I just don’t understand this mindset tbh.

Are you married? Do you split your monthly finances? If so then yes I can kinda understand his view, but as you say you do the childcare etc.

However I personally don’t understand married people who split their finances by income or whatever. You joined into a relationship and should work as a team - no his and hers or I pay this you pay that. Everything all in one pot and out as necessary. So yes our home is owned 50/50 regardless of who paid what deposit and what bills. It’s all just ours.

Me and my partner have been together for 14 years. We equally split bills whilst I was earning a full time wage but when we had our first baby I had to take a step down from the business we run together. It was always “our” money so I never worried and still took what I was owed from the business whilst on maternity. We bought our first house whilst I was on maternity with my second child (hadn’t worked full time in nearly 4 years and had depleted all my savings). Fortunately my partner had worked and saved enough to be able to buy the house outright so we didn’t have to deal with mortgages but when it came to ownership I reminded him that he wouldn’t have had the money without me and since starting a family I hadn’t had the opportunity to earn enough to contribute. We are 50/50 on our deeds. I wouldn’t have signed them otherwise. It might be his money but I gave up £100K to bring up our family for 3 years and still haven’t started full time again since due to childcare costs etc.

He has the money saved as you were paying the rent and allowing him to work all those hours because you had care of the childcare. Without you doing those things he wouldn’t have it.

50/50 or not buying. The actual audacity.

Reading this makes me very upset.

He knows he has been taking advantage of your previous agreements. Don't accept less, but I don't know how you could force him. He already reaped the benefits.

girl, we own our property 50/50 and i have never even paid a bill

This is so scummy. The reason he is paying more is because YOU'RE RAISING HIS KIDS. I hate how people view SAHM as free labour. If you were paying someone to raise your kids you'd be paying them a fortune.
He needs to respect you and make it 50/50.

My mum put down the deposit on our house and my nan paid our lawyer fees, my partner pays the mortgage every month and my nan has it written in her will that 75% of my inheritance needs to be used to pay our mortgage (this should clear it completely) and me and my partner have a 50/50 split however we’ve also agreed that if we were to spilt up i would keep the house and take over the mortgage payments because realistically i would have the kids 90% of the time and this is their home x

I don’t know where you’re from, but where I am (UK) you can have a document detailing that one party has put down x amount deposit but still go 50/50 on the ownership of the property. That way means in the event of a split, the person putting down the deposit gets that back, but the other person doesn’t end up being stung by an unfair split in any equity.

However… if you guys have kids together and you’ve been a SAHP, taken a career setback, and now work part time allowing him to work full time and therefore earn more… and on top of that you’ve paid the rent to enable him to save said deposit for the house in the first place… then I think your partner is being a complete and utter bellend in even suggesting anything but a 50/50 split.

Don’t accept anything other than 50/50.

Hope you get it sorted and can move things forward ❤️

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Regret

I’m 23 years old, a mom to one amazing autistic little boy, and I’m still living with my mom and grandma. I work full-time, and I was able to get my own car last October. I know there are people who have it harder than I do, and I’m grateful for what I have. My circumstances aren’t the worst; they’re just not enough for the life I want to live.

I love my son with everything I have, but if I’m being honest, I don’t enjoy being a mother. That’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to admit because people automatically assume that means I don’t love my child, and that’s not true. I love him more than anything. His laugh is my favorite sound, and seeing him smile makes my whole day. He’s the cutest little boy, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

What I struggle with is everything that came with becoming a mom before I was ready.

I had to drop out of school because of pregnancy complications. I lost the life I had planned. I miss the freedom I had before. I miss being able to be selfish sometimes. I wasn’t financially, mentally, or physically prepared to become a parent. I wasn’t prepared to still be living at home or to be tied to someone I knew wasn’t right for me.

The hardest part is that I originally wanted to terminate my pregnancy. We even made an appointment. At the time, my car had broken down, I had lost my job because of renovations, and I knew I wasn’t ready. His dad had no car and no stable job. Looking back, I ignored a lot of red flags until it was too late. Then he told my mom I was pregnant while I was ignoring him, and I felt like the choice was taken away from me. I wasn’t ready to raise a child, and I definitely wasn’t ready to coparent with someone I resent.

Today, I still carry that resentment. My son’s dad watches him while I work because he works from home, and I’m grateful our son has a parent available during the day. But financially, I don’t feel supported. Last month he gave me $150, and it wasn’t even for our son. Sometimes it feels like money only comes up when he thinks it’ll make me want to get back together, and that’s never going to happen.

My family helps, especially my mom, and I’m thankful for her. But I hate feeling like I have to pay everyone else every time I need help with childcare. Sometimes I feel like I have friends, but no real friends. I feel alone more often than I’d like to admit.

I’m not happy, but I’m not exactly sad either. I’m just existing. Trying to make it through each day while hoping that one day I’ll feel like I’m actually living instead of just surviving.

More than anything, I wish my son could have the best version of me. I wish I could give him a mom who’s less stressed, less overwhelmed, and closer to the person she dreamed of becoming.

I’m still trying to find that version of myself. Not just for him, but for me too.

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