AIBU
Am I being unreasonable. My partner works full time and I’m on maternity leave. My partner goes away weekends on golf tournaments, gets out for his runs and has his recreational time without question. I obviously don’t have that luxury, I literally do everything (cooking, cleaning, childcare) from dawn till dusk. My partners way of looking after the baby is sticking him in the bouncer in front of the tv which I hate. Recently he’s started developing an app and wants to put all hours into it which I get but I simply asked for an hour when he gets home before we put baby to sleep so that we can eat together, he can spend time with baby and I can just have time to shower and decompress. Once baby’s asleep I’m then cleaning and doing everything in readiness for the next day. I’ve now been told I’m not a supportive partner and as “supportive as a blade”. (Yeah I’m unsure of the analogy to but whatever haha) Really just don’t know how to feel and feel as though I’m looked upon as staff in our house at the moment.
Relationship struggles
Anyone else feel like their relationship has completely changed since having their baby?
I feel like my partner does not realise how much I do and maternity leave is not just a holiday.
He moans the house isn’t ‘clean’ enough. When I tell him it’s easier said than done when you have a baby to just clean a whole house he said sarcastically “you go to work then”. Btw the way the house isn’t even unclean/messy. But whatever I do is not good enough.
I feel like EVERYTHING is left to me to do, I look after the baby, I do all the nights when he is unsettled, wash all the bottle, make sure my partner has dinner on the table for when he finishes work and I am exhausted tbh and it’s starting to make me resent him.
He is a hard worker don’t get me wrong, but he works almost 6 days a week and until 8-9pm some nights and he earns far more than me.
We also moved into our house 2 weeks before having our baby. We have now been here 6 months and he has ‘no interest’ in the house as nothing has been done in terms of decorating etc etc. and his excuse is always he is too busy.
I just needed to do this post as a rant tbh as I actually feel like a single mum and feel like i’d be better off sometimes being one, but my only hold back is financially (not that he really helps me out) and where we only bought our house 6 months ago if we sold it now, we’d make a loss.
Guilt all the time
Both my husband and I are struggling with this horrible guilty feeling about our 3 year old son and its difficult to understand why.
We do a good job at parenting him, generally we rarely get frustrated, we never yell, we always try to be gentle and reassure him, we handle tantrums well I think. Our son is a kind boy, he's sweet and funny and chaotic, but also shy and cautious sometimes. However I think we're doing a good job raising him.
But every night we sit together after putting him to bed and think of all the little moments we lost patience, or didn't play with him because we were too busy (we also have a baby so it's not always easy), we both feel so guilty about any screentime (he only gets to watch certain TV programs, he doesn't have a tablet), or we'll feel guilty if we didn't do anything that day or stayed in most of the day.
Are these feelings normal? I feel like a total failure every night and I don't know why because I know on paper we are good, loving parents. I just wish I could do more, offer him more time, better food (I'm a terrible cook but I try my best), better days out, better activities in the house, it all just feels overwhelming and like he's not happy. I know he is happy most of the time though, he just has his moments like every other 3 year old and is starting to have some really big feelings.
Does anyone else feel guilt like this every night even though you know you're doing a good job??
How do I tell my mum not be so rough with my baby
I need my mum to help when my husband is traveling for work, but baby cries whenever she changes his nappy and I thought it was weird because he's usually a very happy boy. Bedtime is husband's job so she was doing it for me while I pump and I just saw her doing this, which is far too rough and very distressing for me. Previously I asked her nicely to bath him the way we do it and she said "you turned out fine" and "I wish I hadn't come". I don't think I am fine, I have a lot of emotional/ attachment issues... today she told me she used to just let me cry it out and I was very 'patient' with my baby, and she's only holding him because I do. I don't know what to do, I need the extra pair of hands and don't have anyone else, but it's so difficult to talk to her because of how she reacts.
