Social services/ custody
Hi Iām posting this on behalf of my sister.
My sister fell pregnant at 17, ( sheās 18 now her son is 8 months old)
She went through hell at the point of pregnancy.
Our abusive mother kicked her out during the pregnancy.
She went to stay with her partner ( m18) and his family.
Our mother made a call to make several false statements to social services out of spite.
Including her smoking cannabis ( completely fabricated and neg drug test ), and her being in an abusive relationship.
( more on the relationship later as this is the main point of this post) .
Her partner went through a psychosis from cannabis after this, this included a psychiatric stay.
For all the reasons above, including the fact they claimed she lacked insight to the dangers of her partner from his drug use and mental illness, and wouldnāt protect her son from him,
they sent my sister and her son to a mother and baby unit, which she complied with completely and did brilliantly.
She and her son then moved in with our nan. ( very stable household where my nan is a very high band mental health nurse) .
When she moved in with our nan her partner was only allowed supervised visitation with a few people.
This continued for 5 months, this worked well and it was quite positive.
The court then deemed he didnāt need supervision.
This is where things have gone south.
My sister still does not feel comfortable with him having him unsupervised.
Thereās several reasons why.
Including us all seeing evidence of him still dealing drugs, and still consuming cannabis.
Him wanting his drug participating friends to meet his son.
Him wanting his child when and where he wants, this is mainly at his family home.
My sister doesnāt want her son at the family home as she has had a fallout with his mother, and the whole family slate her for not letting her partner have unsupervised contact, this included his uncle shouting at my sister while she had her child in her arms.
The mother has also made several out of pocket comments, and is the exact typical āterrible mother in lawā āboy momā you hear about.
Sheās also still anxious about leaving her son alone with anyone.
They all think this seems to be her being controlling and her having anxiety, but I think itās quite a common thing for a mother to not want to leave there young child?
He wants to take his son to his house, no compromise is good enough for him.
My sister has allowed his mother contact in a neutral place and all went well. He has a strop and didnāt show as it wasnāt at his house/ town like he wanted.
This has happened several times, itās his way or the highway.
Bare in mind that he has limited from of transportation and 9/10 my family has to pick him up or drop him off and we have been extremely accommodating, but he expects it, and isnāt thankful, he think itās his given right.
I have just listened into the social services teams meeting, with my sisters social worker, his mental health worker, and a student social worker.
It was the most disturbing thing I have ever heard.
All 3 of them were ganging up on my sister, completely in her partners favour of him being able to take him wherever he wants, and have him whenever he wants.
She unfortunately didnāt screenshot the proof of his dealing, and they wonāt take her word for verbatim.
They also donāt mind him smoking weed regardless of the past psychosis history.
His mental health worker said that her partners ālow moodā is due to him not being able to see his son.
They were all shaking there head at every work my sister said.
Her partner is extremely manipulative and has them all wrapped around his finger.
He has conveniently screenshotted every time Jamie has reacted in anger to his behaviour.
My sister does want him to have a relationship with her son, and unfortunately didnāt screenshot his drug dealing or notify them, but she ultimately wants it to work out and doesnāt want him to not be able to see him, she just doesnāt want it in his mothers house for the time being, or any of his ābadmanā little friends.
All the social works etc said they āonly adviceā but 100% are on the boyfriends side and very much seem to dislike my sister. When she is (unbiased of me) a brilliant mother regardless of her age, she is severely independent, and her son is thriving and definitely has a secure attachment.
They all suggested the partner get ālegal adviceā for custody.
And said ānot to scare you but if he does get custody then the police will be able to take him away from youā my sister broke down crying and ended the meeting out of pure frustration.
I think the fact theyāve completely switched up from him being the main issue my sister needed social services involved, to now sheās being ātoo overprotectiveā and controlling.
And sheās the one making the contact limited and refusing him to let him see his son.
When she is the one doing all the work for him to not show up most the time!
Itās extremely exhausting and I feel like they are licking that boys arse, just because heās a younger lad that does want to see his son, and they arenāt very used to that.
And the fact heās extremely manipulative and clever about it, and my sisterās a stressed out mother doing it all alone, and doesnāt try to do that, as she doesnāt want him to not see him.
She has also recently been diagnosed with ADHD.
But his ālow moodā still trumps everything.
From my personal experience with him, he appeared nice the first couple times, then I clocked the lies. Heās a pathological liar.
He showed up outside my house when my sister was here and refused to leave for hours until he saw his son.
He goes into constant moods and affects everyoneās mood.
I believe he might be a narcissist.
Does anyone have any experience with social workers being biast?
Or experience with court in a similar situation?
My sister is terrified he will be able to take her son.
I canāt do anything to help and itās breaking my heart.
Coping in this heat?
Really struggling with the heat, our maisonette is upstairs above garages and we canāt cool it down, weāve tried everything and ALL air con units seem to be out of stock, canāt get the rooms cooler than 29 degrees in the day time and about 25 degrees in the evening! Baby wonāt settle in her cot in the day, only on me but surely my body temp isnāt helping her cool down! sheās 5 weeks old today and has basically been living in just a nappy the majority of her life! We even went to stay at my mums for a couple weeks while my partner was off work because itās a little cooler there but heās back to work soon and I donāt know how Iām going to manage, she spends most of the day awake and i canāt settle her for a nap- assuming itās because of the heat. Other than that she seems healthy- plenty of feeds, plenty of wet and dirty nappies sheās gained about 4 pound since birth but I just feel guilty for not being able to cool the place down and keep her as comfortable as possibleš„ŗ
āSoon he wonāt want you, heāll be wanting me instead!ā
Have any of you had a MIL that says, āsoon he wont want you, heāll be wanting me instead!ā or anything similar?
When my baby was less than 5 months old, she was holding him, and when I asked for him back because he was showing early hunger queues this is when she stated āSoon he wont be wanting you, heāll be wanting me insteadā.
This comment has haunted me for 2.5 years, plus her behaviour seems to match this statement. She makes me out to be āthe bad guyā in front of my son, making me either give in and allow him to have cake whenever sheās around or I have to say no heās not having cake in front of him (which then causes tantrums) or saying things like, āoh no, whats mummy done nowā to him when heās crying because Iāve got him dressed/changed his nappy/made him have a bath.
Do you think my child will stop loving me? Will he want her instead of me? Is this normal?
