Do you and your partner share the "mental load"?

Hubby feels everything we do is 50/50. He does the yard work and the handy work around the house. I do cooking, laundry, and groceries.

We do our best to split cleaning amongst us and our son.

Childcare defaults to me M-F since I work from home, and hubby does not.

But I plan EVERYTHING (vacations, play dates, doctor appointments, birthdays, Christmas presents for all the kids on BOTH sides, meal planning, date nights, babysitters, house sitters, even scheduling car maintenances).

Hubby doesn't think mental load exists and doesn't think the planning is all that stressful or hard.

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Leave him to do it then. Simple.
Give him the shopping list let him be responsible for that atleast. Yearly things like vacations start interchanging with him where he does 1 and you do 1 next time. Pick the gifts and get him to go buy and let him take the kids to parties etc on the weekend while you rest. Y'all let these men get away with too much n complain. Just be stealth and give him more responsibilities and soon he'll learn. You don't have to go to everything let him go with the kids and represent you sometimes. He'll appreciate you soon enough.

The mental load, not really. I handle the mental load, but he does more of the physical load.
He cooks, does dishes, and laundry.
I handle everyones schedules, appointments, most of the mowing/yard work, and childcare M-F in the morning.
We both handle groceries, meal planning, family activities, cleaning up after the kids, and childcare in the afternoons/evenings, as well as whatever other things that may come up, and recognizing and appreciating the effort that the other puts into their role.

Our physical load is 50/50 when he's not working. The mental load of things that you've listed I do the vast majority of because I'm currently a SAHM and usually enjoy planning things especially presents events etc a lot more than he does. The way I see it, he has a mental load from his job (which is very stressful) so if he has less to worry about at home then I'm happy. If I ever need or want input though or wanted to change things we would. Edit to add he is aware of the mental load I carry and very grateful, doesn't just take it for granted

The mental load doesn't exist for men. We are wired differently. They're wired for absolute focus, were wired for planning and multitasking. That's why we struggle with mental load. We look ahead and struggle to stay in the present moment. Matrescence isn't just a word for the time after a baby. It's actually a neurological process of change in the brain that does not occur for fathers. It's annoying, but it is what it is

I handle the majority of the mental load but im a sahm so its part of “my job” if I was working whilst taking care of the kids all day and was still expected to do everything you do i would be fuming x

in our community

Overwhelmed....so many questions....

I feeling overwhelmed at the moment, I have a lot of questions, I know I should go to my health visitor but I don't because of an incident earlier in the month, I am a bit annoyed at her, I know she can't help it but a phone call asking how it's going and a bit of advice. At the start of the month my daughter got gas really bad, to the point I had to go to the doctor's, they did nothing, so I called my health visitor, she was busy but the lady on other end tried to help and said she should call back the next day, I waited all week on the understanding she's busy but that was like the end week if June and still she hasn't called, I sorted the problem out myself. But now I got more questions and I don't have any trust in her, so what would everyone else do with what I am asking....
Can I take a month old baby away for about a week in the UK, for context my husband sometimes has to work away for his job, it's usually no more than a couple nights away, he was on the understanding that they know he's got a newborn and were trying to keep him local but he has three jobs in Scotland, from Wednesday to Friday, then the next Monday to Wednesday a job in Newcastle, his plan is for me to come up Thursday till the next Wednesday, I have family in Scotland and are in the right area to see them and he doesn't want to leave me alone for that length of time, he could go to Scotland and come back at the weekend but whats the point when Newcastle is on Monday and the job starts early, I don't know what to do, I would travel by train, I am ok with this but is it safe because she hasn't had any injections, she would only see a few family members and I am planning to stay in the air b n b for most of it, I don't know what to do, what would everyone else do....

Would you let your 5 or 6 year old go into the caravan (trailer for the Americans) of a stranger without you or leave them unsupervised to do so?

We went on a little caravan holiday. While there, my daughter made friends with 3 other little girls, 5, 6 and almost 7.

The girls asked to come into my caravan, and I told them they needed to ask their parents first, so they all went away, came back and said their parents said it’s ok. They played in the living room with my daughter and did some colouring and a sticker book together, but after about 40 mins I started hearing shouting outside. One of the families was out looking for their daughter and panicking.

I went out and explained she was in my caravan. I was expecting them to be mad at me and they just said “oh that’s fine, thanks for having her” and left me with their child.

The kids ended up staying a few hours more. Every time I asked them to leave, they ignored me, until I said we were going to bed (it was around 8pm).

I found this really surprising and risky in this day and age. They didn’t know who I was, who else I was staying with (it was just me and my daughter, but they’re didn’t know that) and three separate families just left me with their children without even meeting me.

Would you do this?

Christmas in July 🎄

Starting my Christmas shopping now! Shopping for 3 kids, will be a 7yr girl, 3yr boy and 1yr girl

Does anyone have recommendations on fav toys or any ideas really on what to buy?

Also have you started shopping yet?

Do you and your partner share the "mental load"?

Husband and his mother

I started to potty train today and of course the first day is stressful and wont get it right,right away. My mother kept telling how to do it,but I told her how am doing it. Made a comment that how am doing is more messier and made it seem am supposed to succeed potty training in one day. My mother in law is a ok person,but I don't ever go to her when it comes to raising kids advice. Husband comes home from work, talks to his mom and basically advice me to use his moms way. I felt so angry. Is not the first time i told him how I want to do certain things with raising our girl,but he always asks his mom for a second opinion and seems to want to do things her way. Had the nerve to even say " you really don't want advice from my mom", am like u know already how I feel about his mom when it comes to raising kids. He has a older sister who also agrees with me. His mom didn't really raise him. She worked a lot and had to put the kids in daycare and family member care. He has two younger sister one is a asswhole, she makes excuses for her behavior and the other one is spoil and use thier mom for money or other shit. My mother respects how I want to try and raise our girl. I usually would agree with what my husband wants,but when he asks him mom it hurts. Last time I checked am the mother not her. I feel so angry for him not supporting how I want to try I even told him I asked more then one person on different methods of potty training. Did the one that i heard the most. I hate when he chose not to trust the things I want to try. Why is it when men don't have great moms they still feel the need to ask them for advice.

Am I the asshole

Would I be the asshole I have UTI rn an my husband just tried to have sex with me an i kept telling him that I have a UTI an he kept going an then I said this is pissing me off an he got up an was pissed off talking about his needs an that he wasn't gonna put it in me an all an that I neglect all my kids an his needs an all should I be the one upset about the situation

Do you and your partner share the "mental load"?

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in our community

Overwhelmed....so many questions....

Would you let your 5 or 6 year old go into the caravan (trailer for the Americans) of a stranger without you or leave them unsupervised to do so?

Christmas in July 🎄

Do you and your partner share the "mental load"?

Husband and his mother

Am I the asshole