Should I stop being friends?
I met one of my best friends about 5 years ago and I was pregnant with my first kid. She told me when we met that she had been trying for almost a year with no avail. Fast forward 2 years and I was pregnant with my second and she was still not pregnant. She told me at work one day that her SIL had stolen her girl name and named their daughter that. Her SIL told her that she couldn't have kids anyways so it was fair game (fucked I know). So then my friend told me another name that was special to her. It was very specific to her culture so I didnt even think to hold that name in my mind since I had never heard it before. Well fast forward another 2 years and I was pregnant with my third and she was still trying. My husband and I were stuck on the middle name the whole pregnancy. We got to the end of the pregnancy and I was in labor and my husband mentioned he had a cousin who was great and offered her name as a middle name, since I wanted a family name I accepted it because my middle name is awful and my other daughter already has my moms middle name and my MIL didnt want her middle name used. After I had my third, I sent my best friend a picture and her announced her full name. My friend then told me she was super happy for me and she doesnt want to ruin my moment but my new daughters middle name was the name she had wanted for her future kid. I apologized profusely and told her I hope she still uses it and that I never use my kids middle names. After about a week she deleted me off IG and stopped responding back. I wrote her and confronted her, asking if this was because of the name thing and that I didnt do it maliciously and it was a last moment decision. She told me that she needed her space and that she was very upset and knew she couldn't be a good friend right now. I was freshly postpartum and she was one of those friends that actually would come and see me and bring my kids presents and hang out. I cried for a good six weeks because I had lost my only friend that I talked to daily on the phone. My husband was super pissed and was calling her fake. He told me that the name we used was super common in their culture. He said its the Kate or Jessica of their country. I told him I think its more that we've had 3 kids and we could have picked anything but we picked her name she wanted. She was dealing with infertility and here we are popping out kids. He was like that's still not our fault and she can't control what people call their kids. Anyways he doesnt want me to be friends with her anymore because he doesnt trust her but he said he isn't going to say I cant do it, just that he doesnt want her around our kids anymore.
She ended up getting pregnant right when we stopped being friends and she just had her baby a few days ago. Her baby is very underweight and struggling. She has been calling me and asking questions and telling me things. Mind you, we are the only ones in a large friend group that are going to have kids. The remains friends known they dont want any. I was soo excited to have a mom friend. Anyways, I bought her some premie clothes and was going to bring them to her but my kids were freaking out nap time. Do you think I should just let the friendship die out?? Am I being a people pleaser? 😭
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
She was a very good friend to you. Yet she is certainly having a very hard time and still supports you through it all... I would give her grace and be also supportive of her struggle. It sounds very extreme from your husband to cut access to your child based on that.
I dont feel that your friend did anything wrong. Imagine having a name, and then having it stolen...then venting to someone you co sidereal a close friend and then finding a second best name (idc how common a name it is) and sharing that new special name with said best friend, who also knows about the other stolen name...to then....have her steal it, regardless of whether or not it gets used. That is so so hurtful. She was honest. She was struggling with infertility and losing both names she loved, one to a trusted family and the second best to a trusted friend...while also navigating her own feelings about her best friend being able to birth 3 beautiful names.
Truthfully, your husband was a dick about it. I do feel you were both wrong in choosing it but it was a choice you made, with the information you did in fact have. But then the way he chose to handle it..."shes not allowed around the children"...when she has been so present for you and for those kids? To withhold them because she said she needed...
Download the Peanut App
