Can we please stop making posts asking for āmom friendsā if you have no intention of actually being one?
I see so many posts saying, āI need someone to text,ā āLetās make a group chat,ā or āI just want mom friends,ā and then when someone actually reaches outā¦ nothing. One word replies, no effort to keep the conversation going, never asking anything back, and the group chat never even gets made.
At some point, I think some people need to get to know themselves first. How am I supposed to get to know someone who has no interests, no hobbies, no opinions on anything, and whose entire personality is just āIām a momā but they canāt even text back?
Being a mom is a huge part of who we are, but it shouldnāt be the only thing there is to talk about. Tell me what music you like. What shows youāre watching. What hobbies you have. What you believe in. What makes you laugh. Letās have an actual conversation.
Friendships donāt magically happen because we both have kids. They take effort from both people. If you genuinely want mom friends, youāve got to be willing to show up as a friend too.
When someone messages you after your ālooking for mom friendsā post, be honest do you usuallyā¦
Non-mom friends.
Iām a young mom, only 21, and where I am in life is different to where my friends are and thatās okay, the good ones stuck around. The woman I would consider my closest best friend however, I feel like she just doesnāt get what Iām going through.
She recently had a rough patch with her partner and I dropped everything to be there for her, but when things between them started to improve, she dropped off the face of the earth again. My messages stay delivered for weeks at a time, then Iāll get a message like āwill read those later iāve been so busy, call you tomorrow or day after if I get chanceā Sheās unemployed and finished her final year at uni. Sheās not busy. Iāve brought up several times if Iāve upset her or if sheās avoiding me, and sheās always said no sheās just been busy with her boyfriend. Iāve been having such a hard time feeing so isolated and I just expected more from her as a friend I guess.
If or when she does respond, sheāll say something like āIāll give you a call sometime tomorrow morningā what am I supposed to do, sit around waiting for that phone call? I donāt know if Iāll be at the park with my toddler or consoling my baby or trying to discipline my toddler, so I always say can we arrange a time for once the kids are in bed. The response is no sheāll be with her boyfriend at that time. Am I wrong to think thatās a crazy excuse?
She often suggests meeting up to do something, but she wonāt do anything before 3pm and thatās typically the time iām starting my toddlers tea, so it completely throws our routine off and gives us 2hours max. before his bedtime. Her time management is also non existent, more often than not sheās over an hour late. Iāve explained to her how difficult it is to a) get the kids ready on time and b) keep them busy while we wait for her but she blames it on her ADHD which puts me in an awkward position, so I stopped arranging to meet up.
To sum it up, itās so difficult to have friends who just donāt get it. Iām trying to still have my own life while managing 2 little kids, Iām willing to compromise but I feel like Iām always the one compromising. I donāt want to ft her in the middle of the day when trying to keep an eye on my toddler and navigate my babies bottle times. I donāt want to meet up with her at 3pm (which ends up being 4) when iāve been up since 4am this morning. But Iāve done it. She isnāt just a friend of mine, I would had said she really was my best friend who I can talk to about anything, but her lack of understanding towards my lifestyle is so infuriating!!!
Anyone else had similar experiences?
