in

England

Non-mom friends.

I’m a young mom, only 21, and where I am in life is different to where my friends are and that’s okay, the good ones stuck around. The woman I would consider my closest best friend however, I feel like she just doesn’t get what I’m going through.

She recently had a rough patch with her partner and I dropped everything to be there for her, but when things between them started to improve, she dropped off the face of the earth again. My messages stay delivered for weeks at a time, then I’ll get a message like “will read those later i’ve been so busy, call you tomorrow or day after if I get chance” She’s unemployed and finished her final year at uni. She’s not busy. I’ve brought up several times if I’ve upset her or if she’s avoiding me, and she’s always said no she’s just been busy with her boyfriend. I’ve been having such a hard time feeing so isolated and I just expected more from her as a friend I guess.

If or when she does respond, she’ll say something like “I’ll give you a call sometime tomorrow morning” what am I supposed to do, sit around waiting for that phone call? I don’t know if I’ll be at the park with my toddler or consoling my baby or trying to discipline my toddler, so I always say can we arrange a time for once the kids are in bed. The response is no she’ll be with her boyfriend at that time. Am I wrong to think that’s a crazy excuse?

She often suggests meeting up to do something, but she won’t do anything before 3pm and that’s typically the time i’m starting my toddlers tea, so it completely throws our routine off and gives us 2hours max. before his bedtime. Her time management is also non existent, more often than not she’s over an hour late. I’ve explained to her how difficult it is to a) get the kids ready on time and b) keep them busy while we wait for her but she blames it on her ADHD which puts me in an awkward position, so I stopped arranging to meet up.

To sum it up, it’s so difficult to have friends who just don’t get it. I’m trying to still have my own life while managing 2 little kids, I’m willing to compromise but I feel like I’m always the one compromising. I don’t want to ft her in the middle of the day when trying to keep an eye on my toddler and navigate my babies bottle times. I don’t want to meet up with her at 3pm (which ends up being 4) when i’ve been up since 4am this morning. But I’ve done it. She isn’t just a friend of mine, I would had said she really was my best friend who I can talk to about anything, but her lack of understanding towards my lifestyle is so infuriating!!!

Anyone else had similar experiences?