Being told I’m naturally lazy..
Hi everyone, I posted a while ago about my partner getting angry that I wasn’t doing his dinner every night/cleaning the house etc…while I’m busy looking after our baby full time on maternity leave.
Our baby is now 11 weeks, and my partner has again commented that I never clean the house (he’s made several sly comments this week eg when I commented about a mark on the floor he said “well the house needs to be cleaned before you worry about small stuff like that”), his washing “isn’t always getting done”, he also says the lawn hasn’t been mowed (and that I should be doing that - putting the baby in a sling) and the dinner still isn’t getting done like he wanted (despite me trying a few times last week begrudgingly..) and he has now just said that I’m NATURALLY LAZY. I honestly nearly lost it. He says if HE was looking after the baby more would be getting done…and again OUR MUMS DID IT WHY CANT YOU.
I don’t know what to do I have nobody to talk to because I don’t want them to think my partner is a total CU*T (excuse my french), but sadly he really is. I never dreamed he’d be like this. To say these things to the mother of his child that is looking after the baby full time.
I’m looking after our baby 24/7, he hasn’t changed anything about his lifestyle - still goes to a sports club still once a week (same as pre baby), has been on several nights out in the last few months and only looks after baby here and there in the week for an hour or so. He even sleeps in at the weekend, I don’t ask him to wake early and if he says he will…he never actually does, today an example. “I’ll get up at 7.30”…gets up at 10am. I don’t need him to get up anyway, I enjoy the time without the complete wan*er. I hate it when he gets home from work, I hate spending weekend time with him, I really hate him. I never ever say anything hurtful back to him because I’m not sinking to his level. All I can think is our poor sweet baby boy, he doesn’t deserve this.
He says the only positive thing about me is that I LOOK AFTER OUR BABY REALLY WELL. This is no exaggeration and I’m sad to even type this. I told him his mother would be ashamed if she knew all of this and I’m so close to telling her.
I wish I was making this up. Seeing it written down just looks so much worse.
Basically unless I become his housekeeper, seems like we’re doomed.
Husband disappears
Hi everyone, I need you to be brutally honest. If I’m doing something wrong, I genuinely want to know.
My husband sometimes disappears for hours without telling me where he’s going or when he’ll be back.
This isn’t an everyday occurrence, but every couple of months he’ll leave for 4–8 hours while I’m home alone with our baby. If we’re arguing, he’s even left overnight to stay at his parents’ house, leaving me alone with the baby.
For example, today he told me he was going to the gym at 10 a.m. He didn’t come home until 2 p.m. When I asked where he’d been, he immediately got angry and said, “Here we go again.”
Do I not have the right to know where my husband was for four hours? He didn’t check in on me or the baby once. I hadn’t even eaten breakfast or lunch because I’d been taking care of the baby. When he got home, I noticed he didn’t eat anything either, so I assumed he’d already eaten while he was out.
For context, we hadn’t even been fighting. The night before he was very sweet and affectionate, so I thought everything was fine.
Another example was Father’s Day. I took my husband, my dad, and my father-in-law out for lunch. Afterward, my husband said he was just going to drop off dessert at his parents’ house. He left around 3 p.m. and didn’t come home until 11 p.m.—eight hours later.
I tried calling him, but he didn’t answer. I even called his parents, and they said he wasn’t there. They became worried too and started calling him. His dad even drove around the neighborhood looking for him.
When my husband finally got home and I asked where he’d been, he got angry with me.
So… what am I doing wrong?
These are only two examples. There have been many more incidents like this.
I’ve asked him to go to couples therapy, but he refuses. I know our communication isn’t great. Sometimes I avoid bringing things up because he gets angry very easily and has a bad temper.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Am I being unreasonable for expecting him to tell me where he is and check in when he’s gone for hours, especially when I’m home alone caring for our baby?
