Marriage advice..
Hey ladies 👋 I’m trying to get some advice or tell me what you would do if you were in my situation. So I’m a stay at home mom, my husband works 5am-3pm. I have 6 month old and 8yr old boys who I care for all day, on top of doing 99% of household chores. I’m responsible for 100% of bedtime routines, I make the appointments, I do the laundry, dishes, tidy everything up every single day. My husband gets home from work and either naps or sits on the couch and watches TV. Sometimes he cooks dinner which is nice, and takes out the trash if I bug him enough. That’s it. He doesn’t EVER take the baby to give me a break unless I basically beg for it, and even then it’s like 10-20 minutes max. I’m raising these kids alone other than him providing income.
I’ve tried to tell him that I need him to meet me half way, I need help running the household, I’m not supposed to be raising this baby alone. I even specifically told him “I want you to come home and WANT to spend time with your kids and me”. He then does the dishes or vacuums or something of the sort for a day or two and then back to nothing. I’m so over this 🥲 I’m exhausted.
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I'm reading the book How To Not Hate Your Husband After Kids. It feels like your situation is exactly the kind of partner they describe in the book. Maybe worth the read? BUT it takes to too. Your husband has to want to make an effort for anything in that book to be worth it.
From a different perspective, that’s a blessing. Because I have to work and STILL do everything you just mentioned. I wish my husband had the income that allowed me to stay at home!
We have conversations all the time about him doing more, but like you said he does more fire a day or two and then we go back to normal.
I hear both perspectives a man that works gets home and is tired and a mom who’s at home working and is tired before a random argument comes up about something irrelevant. It’s best that you guys start at the surface and figure out what you both need, which is rest how can I better get You rested so that you can help me to get rest and then from there and figure out what y’all can do collectively with the kids separately as well. Pray about it ask God to give you a calm, heart and more patience. Marriage isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. 🥂 it’s work.
Girl I'm just letting you know right now you're getting the crap end of the deal. My husband also works outside of the house from basically 12: 30pm to 11: 30pm. When he's home during the day ( my kids are 1, 5, 7, 9, and 16) he will help feed them, he takes care of them just as much as I do, he unloads the dishwasher, takes out the trash, he does all the laundry I refuse to touch laundry ever LOL. And I also work from home, I work 3 days a week 8 hour days. It is completely unacceptable that your husband isn't helping with anything. You guys should be a team, just because you are an at home mom does not mean you should solely be responsible for child rearing and keeping a house together. I recently got sick and my husband had to take on all the duties and didn't complain because he's my husband and that's his job. When one of us can't the other does. I'm super sorry that you are even going through this but you guys should definitely sit down and have a coming to Jesus moment or maybe get into therapy.
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