I settled… and now I’m paying the price (badly)
I’m looking for genuine advice because I feel like I’ve completely lost perspective.
I was in a relationship with someone for about a year and a half. During that relationship, I became pregnant, but sadly I miscarried. Instead of supporting me, he blamed me for the miscarriage, and eventually he ended the relationship.
About a year later, he came back saying he wanted to try again. I gave the relationship another chance because I genuinely loved him and thought maybe things would be different this time. Within a couple of months of getting back together, I became pregnant again. His reaction wasn’t happiness. Instead, he told me it was my responsibility to have protected myself because, in his words, we were “still seeing how things go.” That really hurt because it takes two people to create a pregnancy.
I’m now eight months pregnant, and throughout this pregnancy I’ve honestly felt like I’ve been doing it alone.
He has never made an effort to meet my family. The only reason he met my mum and uncle was because they happened to be at my house when he came over. They asked him what his intentions were after everything we’d been through and with a baby on the way. His response was simply that we were “getting to know each other.” We’d already been together for around a year and a half before breaking up, got back together, and now I’m carrying his child. I couldn’t believe that was his answer.
Ever since I got pregnant, he won’t let me come to his house, yet he comes to mine whenever he wants. He’ll come over, I’ll cook for him, he’ll sit back and relax, and then leave. I don’t feel looked after or cared for. I’m not talking about wanting expensive gifts or loads of money. I just expected more care, support and consideration, especially while carrying our baby.
I kept thinking pregnancy would make him more attentive, more loving or more present, but nothing has changed. His work always comes first. I completely understand that work is important, but surely your pregnant partner and unborn child should matter too.
A couple of days ago I called him. He texted saying he was really busy with work and would call me back later. He still hasn’t called. At this point I genuinely feel like I’m chasing him, and I’m tired of always being the one making the effort.
What also confuses me is that he expects me to put his name on the baby’s birth certificate and for the baby to have his surname. At the moment, I honestly don’t feel comfortable doing that. Given everything that’s happened and how unsupported I’ve felt throughout this pregnancy, I feel I need to think carefully about protecting myself and my baby legally before making any decisions.
The hardest thing for me to admit is that this relationship has made me question my own judgment.
The truth is, he was never really the type of man I imagined myself ending up with. I think I convinced myself that because he had a stable career, I should overlook everything else. I ignored the lack of emotional support, the lack of effort, the lack of affection and the way he made me feel. Looking back, I realise I’ve compromised so much of what I actually wanted in a partner.
Sometimes I look at my life and genuinely think, “How did I get here?” It almost feels like karma. There have been people in my past who genuinely loved me, respected me and treated me like I was everything to them, and I didn’t take those relationships seriously. Now I feel like I’ve ended up with someone who makes me question whether he even cares about me at all.
I’m not saying he’s a bad person. I know he works hard and has his own priorities. But I don’t feel emotionally safe with him, I don’t feel cherished, and I don’t feel like I’m building a life with someone who’s excited to build one with me.
I’m emotionally exhausted. I don’t know if pregnancy is making me overthink things or if these are genuine red flags that I’ve ignored for too long.
If you were in my position, what would you do? Would you stop reaching out and just focus on yourself and the baby? Am I expecting too much, or does this relationship genuinely sound as one-sided as it feels?
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, even if they’re difficult to hear. Please be kind—I’m eight months pregnant, emotional, and just trying to make the best decisions for myself and my son.
