Am I wrong for choosing my mum to be in the labour room instead of my husband?
I’m genuinely interested in hearing other people’s opinions because this has been made into such a big issue.
My husband was largely absent throughout my pregnancy. He didn’t attend my antenatal appointments or scans and only showed up when I went into labour. My mum was the one who supported me throughout, so I chose her to be my birth partner.
After my daughter was born, I gave her my mum’s name as her middle name to honour everything she had done for me. My husband and his family made it into a huge issue, believing he should have had the final say over our daughter’s name simply because he’s the father.
As if that wasn’t enough, they made my postpartum recovery even harder. I was recovering from an emergency C-section complicated by sepsis, yet instead of supporting me, they added unnecessary stress that prolonged my recovery. They expected me to travel to them with a newborn, despite all of them driving and rarely making the effort to visit us.
The one time I did visit after giving birth, I was undermined as a mother, and both my daughter and I were treated poorly, leaving my daughter distressed. When I raised my concerns with my husband, he defended his family instead of addressing their behaviour or setting boundaries. Sadly, this wasn’t the first time.
I’ve now decided to walk away from the marriage because I no longer feel like my husband is capable of making decisions independently (on top of everything else I discovered such as hidden debts that his kept away from me, etc). Time and again, he allows his family to influence or make decisions that should be between us as parents. Even after everything that has happened, he wanted to take our daughter to his family home this weekend despite her being unwell and, in my view, not being well enough to be around so many people.
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The best thing you’ve done is leaving. Well done you. Enjoy your baby bubble now. Let him work out how to be a parent but don’t waste your special time with your little on worrying about him, you’ve got your mum ❤️ if he cared, he would of showed up to the appointments, he would have backed you when needed, he would have supported you, but he didn’t, let that tell you everything you need to know x
I personally believe that a name is a decision for both parents to make. Yes, the mother goes through soooo much but at the end of the day it’s both parents child and a dad can’t be faulted for not going through pregnancy challenges etc when they literally can’t. However saying that I think that logic stands for present fathers. If he isn’t present then final say is with mum. Being married but him not being a present father makes it difficult to say how much he should be involved in the details. Idk I think you’re right in your decisions to move on as a man who isn’t present shouldn’t be your husband. And realistically I wouldn’t typically expect a man who isn’t in a relationship with the mother to be the birthing partner etc
Sounds to me like your child is being used as a bit of a prop by your husband and his family. I wish you all the best on, if you pursue leaving him and hopefully being granted full custody 💗
No you are not wrong at all. He should have been a better husband and dad. He doesn't deserve a wife or kids.
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