Who is in the wrong?
I work half the week, then look after my 2 year old son for the rest. My partner works full-time and sometimes weekends. When we have his 12 year old son (half the time) I'll often look after him too. I've not really had any time away from my son since he was born, aside from a day I booked off work while he was at nursery a while ago.
Recently I've not had any time to myself, even at night I am the one putting my son back to sleep when he wakes because he'll cry for me.
Me, my partner and my son were sitting at the table the other day while my son was eating and my partner was watching YouTube videos with his headphones on. I told him that I feel lonely because I'm on my own with my son a lot of the time and then he isn't present when we are together.
Today I got my son ready for nursery as usual, went to work, collected my son from nursery, came home and a couple of minutes after I'd come through the door my partner told me he was going to the gym with my step-son. I told him that I didn't realise he'd be going out now (as he finished work around 2.30pm) and made a comment that I "can't catch a break". He got annoyed and said that he can never do anything for himself without me having an issue - he was home alone app of this weekend while I took my son to my parents, and is about to go away to visit family this weekend while I look after the children. He said that my time for myself recently was when I got my nails done while my son was sleeping in the pushchair...
Is it time to leave?
Me and my partner have been together almost 5 years and we have a 2 yo.
Lately I find myself so unbelievably angry at him just 24/7. I use to look at him with so much love and respect and now I just can’t stand him even on a good day. I’m forever having to clean up after everyone in our house, remember appointments, bills, groceries, plan what happens and when. I have to give a complete step by step on how our day is looking and what needs to be done. Little things piss me off but I bite my tongue because I don’t want to fight in front of my child; (I had a colourful upbringing where adults would fight in front of me and it terrified me.)
I have tried multiple times to have conversations about pitching in or just taking over because I live in a state of constant burn out. I have done since our child was born. Even after childbirth, I went right back to the cleaning and taking care of things when I should’ve been resting and bonding with my newborn - and I had stitches! I often look back on that time and feel so unbelievably robbed of bonding time with my new baby. He didn’t bat an eye but he did bitch and moan about how tired he was. I brought this up in an argument once and his response was “why didn’t you just ask, I would’ve done it - I’m not a mind reader” WTF? But when he does finally decide to help out, it’s like he’s looking for an award or recognition, like congrats - you did the very basic things that most adults/parents do. What???
Don’t get me wrong, I adore my child with every bone in my body and would do anything and everything for them but I’ve not had a chance to just be a person outside of being “Mummy” in a long time. My wants and needs are so off the radar that I have no idea who I am anymore. If I see an opening to do something for myself, his wants or needs come before mine and he just ends up bringing our child to me anyway.
I just feel like I’m bringing up 2 children rather than 1 and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of having these conversations which lead into arguments. I’m sick of not being able to rely on him, I’m sick of waiting for this to pass; I’m just sick of my life at this point. He gets to up and leave and live his life and I have to sit back and just carry the weight of the world; he puts us in awkward situations and I just have to deal with it but it’s okay because he’s “sorry”
I can’t do this anymore.
Am I thinking into it too much?
My MIL would come to have my toddler atleast once a week (for 1 hour) so I could run some errands. She ended up injured and in hospital, was no longer able to have my son. No issues there I worked around it, got him into the gym childcare and he loves it.
She continued to come over to see my son and hang out, basically do exactly what she would do if she were baby sitting him for me. But whenever id ask if she can watch him so I could attend an appointment, she would say no, she doesn’t want to risk injury.
So naturally I’ve been struggling on my own like a mother fucker, I don’t have any help at all and she was my 1 person.
Anyway I have an appointment coming up which I only said yes to cos my bf was available to have toddler, later on told me he’s not available. I told him straight he needs to sort a sitter and that it’s his problem to organise that, so he asks his mum (MIL) and she says yes.. and I’m like well wtf? Why hasn’t she been able to help every time I’ve asked her? But continued to come over for over an hour to hang with him? Doing exactly what they would do if I weren’t there anyway?
Is it just me she is saying no too? She’s a spiteful drunk in general but never has been towards me (to my face anyway). She’s watched me struggle all on my own and continued to deny me help and now that her son has asked she’s all for it.
I don’t even want her around me or in my home unless her son is here due to hearing that recently she made comments about me during an argument between partner and I.
