My partner's sister has just announced she's getting married this October!
Do we go or not?
Long story short, we don't talk and do not get along and haven't for the past 2 years nowm She has invited me, my partner and our children.
She texted out of the blue after barely speaking to us
She didn't go to our Daughter's her god-daughters first Birthday, she didn't even send a card or anything.
She didn't go to our second Daughter's Christening, same again didn't even send a card. - she is coming over this month for our second Daughter's Birthday.
We live in Northern Ireland
She lives in England
She's getting married in Scotland during the week.
It would cost a lot of money for us to go, I would have to pay for half of the cost with my partner.
My partner is blank straight refusing to go on his own, even though I have told him to go and I'm ok with that but he won't.
So the only way for him to be there is if I go with our children and pay half.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be a walk-over and go to someone's wedding who doesn't even like me, doesn't talk to and deleted me off social media and bad- mouthed me to her whole family.
But at the same time I want to be the bigger person
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Maybe this is her way of extending an olive branch.
I'll give you one piece of advice - if keeping the peace for someone else affects your peace, don't do it x
I stopped inconveniencing myself for wicked people. Blood or no blood. Send a card.
If it was no cost to you, it would change things. You're literally inconveniencing yourself and spending money for someone who hasn't shown up for you in 2 years. And you don't like each other. I'd pass
Send a nice card and a gift.
Doesn't sound like she's really worth your time. Does your partner's family live in the UK? Or is it just her?
You don’t talk, don’t get along, haven’t spoken in over 2 years, she doesn’t like you, has badmouthed you - I would send one text declining the invitation, don’t apologise nor extend any niceties, then straight block and carry on as you were.
Send a present for what? A card for whom? She gave zero fucks about you and your family on your special occasions, why pretend now that she has all of a sudden remembered you are family? 😵💫
It’s your partner’s sister. He is more than welcome to go. If he doesn’t want to, so be it. That’s on him to explain to his family why HE doesn’t want to attend. Don’t let him place the blame on you.
If she wants to make amends, she is old enough to realise she has to apologise. If she doesn’t, it’s disingenuous.
I wouldnt go or send a gift. She'd get a card wishing her well.
It could just be a courtesy, if its really going to cost a lot to go just send a card or a gift and let it be im sure there will be plenty of people as some weddings can get to be quite big. Just be prompt in submitting your answer it will help her with figuring out wedding costs.
I have a very similar dynamic with a SIL. If i was in this situation, personally i would not go nor would i acknowledge the invitation. I would see it as just another attempt to "smooth things over" the easy way without actually apologizing or taking accountability. Also a way to play the victim if you don't go. Either way, she feels like she wins. Very manipulative. Maybe your SIL is different buuut😳
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