Feeling Unseen

I guess I’m just looking for some solidarity and to feel seen.

I’m staying with my boyfriends family for the week and it started off fine although my 14 week old isn’t sleeping great here and I’m up with her 3-5 times a night. EBF so I have to do all night feeds as. she screams if we try to give her a bottle at night.

Yesterday his family planned a day out for us including a walk and feeding ducks by a lake. I asked if I could take the buggy and they said yes it’s all tarmac so I thought oh sounds great.

Once we were walking I realised that maybe it wasn’t so short but his dad kept saying oh it’s not too bad. 3 hours later we arrived where we were walking to and then we spent another 1 hour on top of that wandering around the town/lake. I’m 14 weeks post partum and quite fit but I was exhausted. And my little one was crying because she was hungry and I’d had to breast feed walking. My boyfriend was saying you are so stressed the whole walk which wasn’t helping. It’s obvious when I’m stressed because I’m usually chilled even with a baby. I finally broke down when the only option was to feed my baby in a fish and chip shop window and when a kind lady saw me and said you are doing so well. The only act of understanding or kindness I’d received all day so the floodgates opened.

On the drive back to his familys house my baby was crying so much, she’s usually so chilled so I just felt like I’d failed her.

This morning I woke up and I just couldn’t stop crying. I feel super overwhelmed and like I’m in a house of people that don’t consider or understand what it’s like to have days out with a young baby. My boyfriend said this morning I should go to the doctors - that made me feel even worse. I’ve not cried one day since 2 weeks post partum. 1 day I’m crying because I’m overwhelmed and I’m not coping being away from home when so much is expected of me but he’s now making out I’m mentally ill. I feel so sad he doesn’t understand me and that I have to perform the role of super mum, step mum and sociable partner at all times or I need to see a doctor.

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You’re not mentally ill, you’re completely reasonable. It’s inconsiderate that they didn’t realise your baby would need feeding. I EBF and would be exactly the same. With respect your boyfriend should 100% realise that your baby can’t go 3 hours without eating and should also understand that you can’t be expected to just BF anywhere. It would have be nice if they’d stopped halfway even with picnic blankets so you could feed. I don’t have any solutions for you here but I wanted to comment so you’d know that you are not crazy and instead your boyfriend and his family are inconsiderate x

Normalise saying no to family plans/outings if you think it’s not going to work for you. The most important thing is your baby, everything else can wait. I understand you didn’t exactly know what you were in for but if you feel like you’re going to struggle finding somewhere to feed etc just say no. Or suggest an alternative plan that will work for you. People need to be more understanding and accept that mum knows best! It’s a shame your boyfriend is unaware of your baby’s routine, maybe you need to communicate about this so he realises. Or tell him to read up on things to get a better understanding because he sounds a little clueless. (Sorry if I sound harsh). It’s important your partner supports you and advocates on your behalf when you’re struggling, you’re not depressed or mentally unwell, you’re a mum who’s doing her best in a world where our needs are sometimes overlooked!

I think that’s too much to expect from you at only 14 weeks postpartum. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, you just need more understanding and support from your boyfriend and his family

My little one is about 15 weeks old and I still don’t feel comfortable having people over for more than a few hours because it disrupts the routine I have with her — and that’s in my own home… My partner asked if I’d like to spend some time at his parents’ house, but for now it is definitely a NO. Maybe in a couple of months, let’s see, but definitely not now.
I’m scared of ending up in exactly the kind of situation you described — not being in control and feeling like everyone is disregarding both my baby’s needs and mine. I would have been so distressed in your situation too.
You are seriously so strong and a great mama. And after all this, all your partner could find to say was that you need to go to the GP… I would have been completely enraged and don’t know what I would have done or said tbh. He needs to be more understanding and supportive, cause what the hell?

in our community

Grandparents said they aren’t willing to have my son overnight?

Both sets of grandparents are involved in my son’s life, they see him once a week, but when the topic is bought up about a potential sleepover they both are very dismissive. I know this is in their right, but I don’t understand why as they seem to both love my son so much and want to spend time with him.
My grandparents basically raised me how much I was there growing up, some nights I’d sleep over for 3 days, and my husband was the same.
Whenever I look online to see if anyone can relate, I only find people who’s parents are pretty much not involved at all, or people who are complaining their parents WANT the kids to sleepover and they refuse to allow it.
For reference both grandparents work part time (2 days a week) and are in their late 50s. People in my life have often asked me if my son sleeps over at the grandparents and when I say no they always act bewildered as to why. When we ask them why they’re very dismissive. When my son was a baby it was “not until he’s stopped needing milk”, then it was “not until he’s sleeping completely though the night”, now he is doing that it’s “not until he no longer has to wear nappies”.

Is anyone in a similar situation? My son is 2 and a half.

Please tell me I’m not a bad mum 💔

Before any comes at me, I took him to the doctors immediately to be checked over and he’s absolutely fine. I however feel sick to my stomach. I was getting ready with my little one on the bed. I ran into his room to get him some clothes, which is what I always do as he usually just stays in one spot playing. Not even a minute after I left the room, I hear a bang and an immediate cry. My angel had fallen off the bed. I don’t know how it happened and I’m an absolute idiot to have left him but it was just another day I didn’t think anything of it. My partner was at work else he would’ve been in the room with him. He cried for a couple minutes while I held him, he had nothing but a small bruise on his nose. Never have I ever had such a quick adrenaline rush. My heart has sank and I cried with him. Never again will I leave him on his own or at least on the bed on his own. I’ll always resort to the floor now unless he’s with me. I can’t stop picturing him on the floor in tears, I’m absolutely heartbroken. God please someone tell me I’m not a bad mum 😭

Husbands jealous/narcissist outburst

Is it even possible for a partner to think you’re “in love” with your own and only sibling because we are genuinely really close? Ever since we started dating my now husband has always complained of how close I am with my brother that today he accused me of “being in love” with my brother. To me that was the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. My father has a family business. Since we were little my father has had this business and now as adults me 35 and my brother 31 are mostly running it. To make things short my brother and I now run the business. Well, to my husband not only am I in love with my brother but what’s more important to me “allegedly” is spending time with family then my own husband and son. At this point I can only see a narcissist speaking to me. Not my husband nor my sons father but a narcissist. It’s hard to love a person this way. The only way this seems to work is me not speaking t my brother so my husband doesn’t see my brother as a threat. Just typing this makes me sick thinking it’s actually happening. Oh and keep in mind my brother and I grew up together in the business.

Any thoughts/advice?

Sensory classes

Hey everyone! What are your thoughts on baby sensory classes? I’ve found one in my area that costs a fee for a 6-week term, and I’m wondering if it’s worth it. My baby will be 3 months old when the classes start. Did you find them beneficial?

Failure

So I just feel like complete failure! So I have an 8 year old who is very hyperactive but also very social at the same time! There are times that we will be in public and she acts just so downright embarrassing! We talk with her about what she doing we try to explain things to her! We try to make her realize what she doing! A lot of the times we get the response oh I don’t understand even after we just did our best to explain what she was doing! This week as been worse because it our county’s fair and she being asking and doing such much that make me just want to give up as a mom! Are there any other moms that feel this way and just prayer their kid grow up and gain patience! We even have her in 4h hoping that will help

Favourite free activities to do with a 10 month old that isn’t a walk or the library or the park …

I’m just so over these 3 on rotation and up for any other suggestions